Coombseyboy Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I've been on these forums for quite a while and I've posted my situation once before, everyone has helped me a lot and I am thankful, basically it is a first love situation I was with her for nearly 5 years, broke up about 3 months ago and I'm relatively okay about it all now, I still love her to death and care greatly but I no longer feel the need to message her, social media stalk her etc, she even sent me a message and I didn't reply to it and had no urge to reply and still don't, we broke up for multiple reasons mainly my fault an I accept that and I aim to change that for when I eventually meet the right person for me, now here is my problem and I need you guys to help me a little bit more, everything I do or everything I think about relates back to her some how and I can't help it, for example I recently slept with a girl I have been friends with for quite some time and I see her a few times a week at a work sort of situation (not socially) and after I just started thinking what will I say if my ex comes back? Do I tell her I slept with someone else? Do I tell her who?, now that's my problem I know I will most likely never get back with my ex and I have about 0.3% hope left not enough for me to pine over her by any means, but I seem to fantasise about these situations that will most likely never happen, it's just general stuff like of I'm doing something il instinctively say to myself what would she have said? What would she have done? It's like I'm preparing myself for when he comes back like i can see into the future or something but I know itl never happen and I have next to no hope at all and I don't feel the need to do anything towards her anymore, so why am I still dreaming about what I'm going to say to her or do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you guys.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 It's like I'm preparing myself for when he comes back like i can see into the future or something but I know itl never happen and I have next to no hope at all and I don't feel the need to do anything towards her anymore, so why am I still dreaming about what I'm going to say to her or do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you guys. I still love her to death and care greatly I think that sums it up. 1
Author Coombseyboy Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Yea I get that I still love her and everything but in all honesty I don't even think I would want to get back together with her, she isn't the person I once knew, but this is really bugging me and it's hard to explain, I don't hope to get back together with her but i feel like I'm expecting to, eventually like months or years down the line and I don't know why, like I said she isn't the girl I once knew, and there's other factors in this too which leads me to ask myself if I was ever truly in love with her or in love with the idea of being in love, I have social anxiety which obviously makes it harder to meet people so I often ask myself if I was only with her because I was scared of being alone, I do feel lonely because I've had 5 years of someone's head being buried into my chest when I've fallen asleep etc and I do miss it a lot but I'm not sure of I miss IT or HER, it's hard to explain and I don't know why I dream of these future situations that will most likely never happen, we met when we were 15 and now I'm almost 20 so I never done the typical teenage things really like going out hooking up bla bla and it never really appealed to me and still doesn't but I guess I need to live it up a little. Thank you for the response btw.
Ronni_W Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Do I tell her I slept with someone else? Do I tell her who? No...and therefore also no to your second question. You were on a break and therefore all prior promises of fidelity were over and complete. But. If you do decide or get roped into saying that you slept with someone else, do NOT tell her who the other person is. If nothing else, you owe privacy and confidentiality to your 2nd sex partner...actually, to ALL your sex partners. Do not reveal their identities; that's nobody else's business. Giving details about prior sex partners usually just causes grief...jealousy, getting it thrown in your face 5 years later, the other person "can't get past it", etc., etc. It's only about trust, trustworthiness, respect, broken promises, etc., if you screw around on someone with whom you're actually in an active romantic-and-exclusive relationship.
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