tenspoons Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) I'm a 21 year old guy, I was seeing a girl my age for over a month. We got to 3rd base on several occasions, we spent a lot of time together, and she told me she loved me. I then began developing feelings for her, and when I started being more open about them, she began to back off. Maybe it was too soon to let her in, but it felt right at the time. For the past 3 weeks she has been trying to pawn me off to other women, flake on me, and she even tried to convince me she was a slut and a lesbian. Knowing better than to believe her, I called her out on the lies and she finally confessed that she didn't like me as much as I liked her. Basically she led me on for a month, lied to me for several weeks, then put me in the friend zone. I was obviously upset and frustrated. I was not upset that she rejected me, but more so about that she decided 3 weeks ago that she wasn't into me, but decided to keep leading me around for a bit before growing the ovaries to tell me straight up. I expressed my anger and frustration, got her to apologize for everything, and feel sorry for herself. Then I forgave her. I could have done sooo much more, and I know forgiveness without compensation so soon is not the most vengeful or self-respective thing to do after what she did, and I definitely still feel angry and I want her to feel the cold hand of consequence. On the other hand, I feel it was the most mature action I could have taken. It was SOO hard to forgive her, and i feel like I gave up a **** ton of dignity and man points for it, but I did anyway because I loved her. As the old saying goes "I may love you, but I do not love what you do". I am not going to give her the attention she wants anymore, I will not please her, and will not be there when she is upset or lonely, because that is what she lost by pushing me away. a friendly face is all I will choose to be now, but I still want her to know she was at my mercy. do you think I did the right thing? Could I have handled it differently or better? Edit: We've known each other for a few years, we have great chemistry, and she was insanely attracted to me which is what lead to everything. She says she can only love me as a friend now. I accept that fact for what it is, even though I so want it to not be true. I know it is impossible to force yourself to like or love someone genuinely and be happy, so there is nothing i can do about it but to move on. I just want to know if I did the right thing by forgiving her so easily. I would like to add that she did not have the confidence to reject me, that is why she tried to lie and push/scare me away. It was not malicious in nature, and she meant to avoid harming me. she was just very horrible at it, and I was too smart to believe that BS, which is what got her to finally be honest with me. She lost that struggle, and I stayed my hand. Edited October 10, 2013 by tenspoons
Maxtor Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Why is forgiving a mature thing, if it's not how you feel? One time, a girl kinda used me, i was pretty hurt, started ignoring her, didn't want her friendship, she started to come around again, apolagizing and trying to hook up with me. People need to pay for their mistakes, specially when they make it on purpose. 1
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