What does he want from me??? Broke up with me, still doesn't let me go!

[unicornioblanco]

Current situation, then a little background.

 

 

The current situation, 3 months after the break-up

 

We met 2 days ago 'cause I am considering taking a vacation back in my home country and we wanted to catch up before I leave, since it could be a veeery long vacation, maybe forever. We met and pretty much had the most perfect date ever! Cinema, then a few beers in a bar we both really like, talking, laughing, it felt fresh, it seemed like the perfect way to say goodbye and suddenly he says... "I have never seen you so beautiful before and I want you to know that even though I know I made the right decision when I left, I still think about you and miss you all the time", I said "thanks". It got late, we started to feel drunk and sexy and went for it, I don't regret that, I don't really have that romantic vision about sex that most people do, it is what it is and to me it's not a sign of any chance of reuniting...

 

He asked me to stay the night and what confused me were the words and the next morning. Stayed in bed hugging, kissing, just looking at each other... things like "My life is ****ed up now but I want you to know that there is no other woman, I haven't been able to even kiss anyone after you, I cannot even think about it and if I could have a girlfriend right now, it would only be you". He made breakfast for me, then took me for for a ride around the island and finished with our favorite hotdogs, where he actually referred to me as "his girlfriend". He took me home, we both cried, he said "Te quiero mucho, (name)" which means "I love you" but a little bit less than that, in spanish haha Anyway, it was too hard and he had to leave, so he said "Please don't make it forever, I want you in my life, this conversation is not over, let's continue over facebook or phone...", I left.

 

I wrote to him that I don't care about labels now, we feel what we feel for each other and it's obvious when we are together, it's not just the sex, it's the rest that makes it harder to say goodbye forever, he has mentioned of course that he feels the same way. I also told him that it hurts and even though I don't want to rush things, that if he was a 100% sure that there is not chance of getting back together, then what is the point??? that he had to let me go! He replied: That he wants me in his life, that when it got real that I was leaving he couldn't avoid mentioning how much I mean to him, that right now he cannot promise anything because he needs to go through this alone and take control of his life before even attempting being with anyone and that if I want to try to take things slowly, he is in.

 

I didn't reply immediately cause I needed to think and he called me 3 hours later, he said he needed an answer, that he couldn't concentrate on his thesis and he just couldn't wait. In the call he mentioned that that is actually one of the problems, I affect him like no one else does and when he knows that there is something "wrong" between us, he cannot really think about anything else, that I have a place in his mind nobody else does or did before and if he had me as a girlfriend right now, he knows it would be too much with all the changes he is going through, plus his low self-esteem problems (first times he admits that). That when he sees me he sees the perfect woman for him and that he feels that it is "a crime" to just let me go forever, yet he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me now and cannot promise he will soon, and it's because of all this drama and pressure in his life.

 

He suggested just being friends and told me "If we are meant to be together, no matter that we don't have sex or do couple stuff, we will know it in the end, but please don't say goodbye forever" or that we could sort of date and take things very slowly, like getting to know each other again in this new stage of my life and see what happens, but of course, that he doesn't want to hurt me again if the outcome is not that good for me... and that he is scared with all the risks we would be taking, like we could fall in love with someone else, he could want me back again and maybe I won't want anymore, etc... I told him: We can talk but let's not see each other at least until you defend your thesis, then we will see. That bought me some time to think, but I really don't know what to do.

 

Anyway, what do you think??? Sorry for the length!!!

 

 

 

A little background (for those who have the time)

 

We had an amazing relationship, fun, sexy, we could talk about anything, be ourselves, we had (apparently) an incredibly strong connection and understanding of each other, kids and marriage talk were constantly involved (he started with that, not me), but we had quite a few problems... he needed space and I was going through a very rough time in my life, we spent way too much time together, I got crazy, now it's over.

 

He broke up with me 3 months ago, said he loved me but wasn't in love anymore. We kept seeing each other once a week, after a month he said he missed me and had found out he really needed to be alone and work on his master thesis and that in the end it had not much to do with me, simply that he needed to really focus in graduating and taking responsibility for himself. It got too hard to be "friends" so a month and a half ago I stopped seeing him and didn't contact him for a month and few days... I texted him once last week to say hi and wish him luck 'cause he is defending his thesis, the way he replied made me think there were no hard feelings and that I was still special, so I felt ready to tell him that I'm considering going back to my country and that if I do, it would be nice to meet and catch up before I leave... He called and said let's do it soon, I agreed and went confident knowing in my heart that I love him but he doesn't want to get back together, specially not now... he is quite confused dealing with his own life and if there is a chance, I wouldn't even dare to rush things now, not only for him but for me.

[headinthecloud]

It sounds like he is in love with you, and vice versa. He is also not being fair by asking you to wait because he can't commit. You have to do what is in your best interest, not his. Your life should not hinge on him.

 

You want him and will do whatever it takes to be with him. He wants you but can't commit. That is not fair. There are never valid reasons to ask this of someone. And a friendship doesn't sound possible either because too much physical chemistry.

 

It sounds like you will always love him. Those are the hardest relationships to walk away from. This is a very hard decision but you should do what is best for you.

[mammasita]

All I can tell you is that someone who says that they love you but are not in love with you is terribly confused. I know from first hand experience. Sadly, I don't think that he will ever be able to give you what you want regardless of how much he says he's changed or what he promises you.

 

It's men like this we always feel SO connected to. Trust me, I know.