spiderowl Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Sorry guys, been pretty busy with everything. Right spiderowl?! I'm telling her how stressed I am at work, and it's like she doesn't have any sense of empathy and then adds to the stress. She's really a poor listener...but it wasn't what she intended and I did over-react. She ended up texting me the next day to say I was over-thinking things and we'd talk more when we got together. Said she didn't reply b/c she was wound up too and it wouldn't have helped. I got a lot of relief after venting to my boss at work Friday, it took away a lot of stress b/c I got some understanding from the boss. I think they can sense that I have one foot out the door now, so my ass is being kissed...nice change. I'm rarely the emotional fool I was last week though. I'm usually on the other end of the spectrum, where girls I've dated and cared deeply about wondered if I cared at all, so that's not a good thing either. I'm working on finding that balance. Still just as confused after the weekend tho. Yeah we had a deep discussion and are still getting along fine, but it's the financial issue that is bugging her. So she says something about sex, religion and finances being brought up in Cali as major reasons for failed marriages/relationships. (I personally would put communication in there...and religion seems like something that should be addressed early in dating..) I learned that she's richer than I thought...like, wants to purchase a private jet within the next 3 years rich. She said that she doesn't feel secure financially with me. That if she were unable to work, I wouldn't be able to support us. Sure, I wouldn't be able to keep up anything near the lifestyle she's been living, but we wouldn't be on the damn streets or anything. The idea of middle-class living is just not an option to her. She wants to travel the world with her man, obviously without having to foot the bill. I'm a social worker, she had to know early on that social workers aren't ballers. I think that I was just one of her dates initially and I grew on her. Now she's torn. I feel like a whole different species from her financially. It's literally the only bad thing to say about this relationship now...but it's obviously a barrier for her. Part of me wanted to say "F off you shallow B!" Tho she does seemingly just want me to do more for myself, she doesn't need my money. She wants to learn and keep bettering herself and she wants the same for me. I've admittedly been stagnant career-wise for the past 5 years since I earned my master degree. It's weird to be dating her during this time when I'm looking at a career/job change. I'm going to be making more money sometime soon, but nothing in the vicinity that she is...and she doesn't expect that. She actually has suggested funneling me clients for counseling. I met the family of one of her clients this past weekend and they wanted me to help the daughter with some issues. These Chinese people out there have so much money to throw around, but I'd have to do some more research to see if it's really feasible. Plus I've only had 5 months of real quality exposure to the Chinese culture. So yeah I'm still torn. I believe that she can help me become a better, more successful man....but the not "accepting me as I am" thing bugs me for sure. She has an answer for everything. When discussing the heart I have and how much I care about my work and my clients, she pointed out that with more money and my own business, I can help far more people than just the caseload I have now. And of course, I do have strong feelings for her...so there's that... Crap. Feedback? Sounds like she's trying to change you. If money bothers her, then she should find someone else. Sounds like she likes you but is finding fault too. Something's got to give in that situation. She's likely to get more demanding and intolerable. It sounds like incompatibility to me.
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 (edited) Good luck with your courses AcrosstheUniverse!! Today I had to sit in a school committee and decide if a child's disability is enough to prevent expulsion or not. It was one of the toughest decisions I've had in 10 years. Saddest thing is, the parents are largely to blame and there's nothing we can do. They're not abusing him or anything, but they're very negative people. It's definitely a rough job that doesn't pay anywhere near what it should... Thank you! I just finished my first 100-day placement, and man it was tough. Add in 25-30hrs paid work per week to support myself, the studying/writing and voluntary work and having a social life, it has been intense. I just can't wait to qualify and get out into the world and make a difference (we're all at the 'wet behind the ears' non-jaded stage, as you can see ) Edited October 19, 2013 by acrosstheuniverse
Eivuwan Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Hey I just want you to know that I'm a Chinese student in training to be a therapist. Is your gf Chinese? There are so many things that I am curious about now that you mentioned you are having Chinese clients. lol. Regardless, it really seems that you guys are incompatible in terms of core values of how you view money and the unprivileged. My ex was all about material things and his appearance and that was one of the reasons why we didn't work out. It got to the point in which he did not respect that I did not have enough money to live the kind of life he wanted to live because I am in graduate school (he insisted on living in an expensive apartment and wants me to pay a fourth of the cost when he makes 10x more than me. Yes, it's only a fourth, but it was still a huge sum of money for me a month when you add in things like the expensive grocery in that area.) Anyway, good luck.
Author TooPatient Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 We talked this weekend. She didn't know exactly how much I made and actually thought I made less than I do. I'll have all my debt paid off by the end of the month. I had a rough time with my last roommate, he wasn't paying some bills that were in my name and they got way out of control. It's a weird situation, but she sees now that I'm ready to walk if this is really an issue so she tried to qualify and sort of back-track on what she's been saying. I'm not having an easy time deciding which way to go...but we're still together for now. I know how it is ATU!! I worked full-time during my internship and classes, it was a pretty wild/busy time. I'm definitely jaded at my current agency, but still open and hopeful for other opportunities, which is what I'm looking for. The field needs the constant influx of "wet-behind the ears" people to keep us burned-out veterans on our toes! Yes Eivuwan, my GF is Chinese. She's from Chengdu in Sichuan. We went to a Chinese wedding this weekend, it was sooo nice! It helped bring us closer together too. I've now met pretty much everyone that is close to her and they really like us as a couple. I think they can see how I'm good for her. Idk if I wrote it here, but her parents were here for 2 months and I have their blessings. Her father even said that money is not an issue as long as I make her happy. I haven't started working with the Chinese clients yet, that's just a business idea that we've been discussing. We are incompatible money-wise, time will tell if that one area is enough to break us. I definitely WANT to earn more money and am planning/aiming for that, but if it doesn't happen and we split because of that, then it wasn't meant to be. Fortunately she's not very materialistic as far as spending. She doesn't blow money on material things like jewelry and such, she's all about saving and investing. We went to look at condos for her parents, they are looking at moving to the US. The 2 bedroom condo she liked cost $450k. It's ridiculous to me, she can get a huge 6 bedroom home with a lot of land for that money in the suburbs. She needs to be downtown to be close and meet with clients tho, so I understand. Her parents like the city too. They're all very active and social people, so I think they'd get bored in the burbs. I let her know that while I'm trying to better myself, I'm doing that for me. I mean, if she really feels that we can't work through our income differences, then she can find someone who makes money like she does, if she thinks that will make her happy. I told her all this over the weekend. She said she's happy with me, apologized for making me feel bad and wants to do what it takes to make things work. So we'll see..
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