bee10023 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I've been dating this guy for about 1 1/2 months, things have been going well in most regards. He has told me he likes me a lot. However, I struggle with some heavy social anxiety and it usually takes me a while (sometimes months) to stop being reserved and shy around people I haven't known for a long time. There are awkward silent times when we are together due to my issues. This worries me because I don't want this guy to think I'm not interested in him...or that I have a non-existent personality. We do have good talks and laughs but my anxiety gets the best of me quite often, which causes those awkward silences between us. A few days ago he texted asking me if I would like to get drinks with him and his friend over the weekend, which I agreed to. We went out to dinner last night and he made no mention of the weekend plans, and said he might be busy with some events happening involving his co-workers, but if he has time he would like to take me out to dinner, which I agreed to. I spent the night at his place, as I've done at least once a week since we started dating. This morning was awkward (I was very tired and feeling anxious) and I didn't talk much at all to him. As he was about to drive away to work he said "Let's play this weekend by ear" then gave me a kiss goodbye and said "have a good day" in a reserved way. I'm worried I won't hear from him at all and that my silence is driving him away. I feel like I should apologize for my awkwardness somehow, but I'm worried that might be unnecessary and will drive him away further. If anyone has any thoughts about this I would appreciate it.
theediblewoman Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Hey there! In short,yes I think you are overreacting a bit. I mean I can't be 100% sure of his intentions as I am not him, but sounds like he's mentioned a few times (including when he said goodbye to you) his intent on seeing you this weekend, so I wouldn't worry so much about that. I think you need to remember that dating, in general is just an awkward thing, don't be so hard on yourself. Plus he's probably obsessing over things he's doing that you might think are awkward! The more you worry about being awkward, distant and being silent the more awkward,distant and silent you will inevitable become which, yes, could push him away. You could also talk to him about it which is scary, you're putting yourself out there and like many of us you don't want to divulge too much too soon too fast and push him away. So what to do?! Ultimately the outcomes are the same except in one case you're festering in your own insecurity while in the other you begin the road to open communication. I don't think you need to apologize for anything. Be open about who you are and you'll be much happier in the long run and have a better relationship. Why not just say something simple like, "if sometimes I seem a little quiet and awkward, don't take it the wrong way, I just really like you".
Author bee10023 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Hi! Thanks so very much for your thoughtful and positive response. I suppose I am blowing this a bit out of proportion, as I do really like him and want the relationship to work out. I am strongly considering talking to him about my awkwardness/anxiety issues in a non-overbearing way.
FitChick Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Have you two talked about being exclusive? If not, could you handle him dating others? I wonder if it might actually make it easier for you, since you won't be the focus of his attention and feel pressured to "perform."
theediblewoman Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Not a problem. I get where you're coming from as I am a very anxious person as well. I have found that the more I open up about it, the more connected I feel with people realizing that they too have similar experiences. It also help to verbalize my fears and worries because then you can get support and they're no longer reverberating in your head and you can start to let go of them a bit. One thing I try to keep in mind when I get anxious and start hyper analyzing is to try to just get comfortable with the uncomfortable because there will always be something, but you can't let that stop you.
Author bee10023 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 As far as I know we are exclusive. Shortly after we started dating he told me he wasn't dating anyone else and didn't plan to...and we took down our online dating profiles.
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