meisa Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Here is a short summary of the story for those who want to read it and give me some advice I went to 5-6 dates with a girl scattered over the past 5 months (some making out, no sex). We've been both traveling too much over the summer (she was gone for over 2 months) so we couldn't see each other much. We did exchange literally hundreds of emails though. I enjoyed all the flirting, and I thought things were going pretty well and that she liked me. She was full of compliments, mailed me letters, postcards,bought me her favourite books, etc.. However, immediately after I left for a 3 weeks business trip, she suddenly slowed down with emails, writing only 1-2 (long) emails a week. When I came back, I asked her out, but it turns out she’s on a short vacation overseas to see family and, she tells me, an ex boyfriend living abroad. When she is back, she writes me about all the fun things they did together (!) and that she is probably too busy with work to see me (no alternatives suggested). The funny thing is that she also asks a bunch random questions as if she wanted our email conversation to continue. I really wonder why, since she obviously has no interest in me. I am very tempted to ignore her at this point..I feel like she is playing with me. Or does it make sense to casually play along since I've invested so much time in this already, and things were going well before I left? Anybody had similar experiences?
Philosoraptor Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Sounds like she's put you as a penpal versus a potential mate. If you're ok with it, continue. If you want more, then you need to go out and find someone who mutually wants that with you.
salparadise Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I am very tempted to ignore her at this point..I feel like she is playing with me. Or does it make sense to casually play along since I've invested so much time in this already, and things were going well before I left? Anybody had similar experiences? Yes, anybody that has done much dating has had similar experiences. Sometimes women just like the attention, like thinking that they've got a backup or two in their pocket, or perhaps she genuinely enjoys the arms-length interaction... yet has no intention of it becoming anything more. Who knows what the exact motivation is, but the bottom line is that there's nothing there for you beyond being an amusement to her. My advice is to cease contact and find someone who is actually interested in dating.
kassy Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I'd be weary. But why not reply and ask her out one more time. If nothing comes of it forget her. For all you know she spent the time with her ex telling him how wonderful you are. Don't just assume the worst. But if she doesn't agree to another date well nothing to pursue there.
Author meisa Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it! not really interested in a penpal from the same city and if by any chance she is actually still interested, she'll probably find a way to let me know.
Author meisa Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Here is an update on this girl..I am even more confused now! After a few days ignoring her messages / responding with one liners, she became all nice and asked me if I wanted to go out with her sometimes this week. I said sure, what do you have in mind? and then she went radio silence for a whole week. She then wrote me she is sorry, she was busy with work. She also says she would really like to go for a bike ride (something we had talked about before) with me “if she is not too busy” (but no mention of where/when). Is it really possible that she is interested and just so busy? I find it hard to believe one doesn't even have time to write a text or an email in a week. What do you think, is it worth pursuing this any further, or is she just playing with me? One the positive side, I've been texting a lot with a new girl I've met last week, but I’d really like to figure things out with the other one before starting something new..
thewrongonee Posted October 20, 2013 Posted October 20, 2013 Well, she made the plan and decided to cancel it, so obviously it was not that important to her. Shes keeping you as a stand by option, she wont commit but wants that option of someone being there for her. (when you stopped contacting her she got curious and decided to make a plan to keep by her). Its not fair to you, and I would start talking to other girls as you are, and do not go overboard with this girl and give her too much attention. You need to show that you are important and you obviously want a serious relationship. I've been put into this situation, somewhat. It is way better to end it before it gets worse, then you will get attached.
Author meisa Posted October 20, 2013 Author Posted October 20, 2013 Thanks for the advice, indeed it seems she is not all that interested in me. I'll try to look elsewhere and see how the situation develops, without paying too much attention to her
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