LostPerson Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 I need some advice. I have been dating a wonderful man for 8 months. I am so in love with him and we are exclusive to each other. We spend much time together, go on trips together etc. Last night I brought up the prospect of us getting engaged and he seemed a bit cold on the idea. He made it sound like I am too young. I am 27, I have lived on my own for 3 years and run a company. I am not immature and I am sure of what I want in life. Should I be put off by his hesitancy? He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I told him I wanted him to put a bow on his head and for him to propose. I offered no ultimatum as I am not about that. On the same token, I don't want to spend years dating someone to have it wind up going nowhere. I have done that in the past and it scares me. What should I do? Part of me almost thinks that if he is not willing perhaps we shouldn't be exclusive? I just feel so torn and I feel like there is a void in my life by having a relationship without a commitment at this point.. Am I wrong? I would love to hear some input. I really love this man but at the same time, I am afraid he may string me along..... I just need some sanity because my heart is clouding my head.. Is it so bad that I want this? I really want to advance our relationship a bit and I really do want a family..
Maria46 Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 You two have only been dating for 8 months. In my opinion, it is a little soon to be jumping into a marriage. I married after 10 months and it was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. Be patient! Be happy!
Author LostPerson Posted December 4, 2004 Author Posted December 4, 2004 To a point, I agree, but I also think that it is not too soon for him to make a commitment being that he does NOT want me to date other people. As it stands now, we are only seeing each other, but I want to open my options if he is not willing to commit. He doesn't understand that, and also is very strong on no dating others. I think that it is not too much to ask by asking for an engagement, which could last a long time if he wants to remain exclusive. Otherwise I am afraid to give all my time and energy to one man that might flake out on me if I invest too much time. I am not wanting to lose years of my life, I did that once in the past. My last boyfriend and I dated for 4 years and he also was reluctant to commit, but i held on in hopes and eventually he just dumped me and married another woman within months. I refuse to be in that position again. I just think that if he wants to be exclusive and since we have been for 8 months, that is the least he could do to show me that he is indeed serious and that my feelings do matter to him.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 if you are the one then he will eventually marry you if you are not the one then he won't 8 months is too early to tell, give it another year at least.
clandestinidad Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 WOW!!! I'm sorry that this is going to sound rude, and that I have no other way to type it......I am shocked that you've been dating 8 months, and that YOU were the one to ask about a ring!!! I'm literally stunned that youre 27 and dont know that youre not supposed to even TOUCH this topic!! Its one thing for HIM to bring up future stuff, or talk dreamily about kids, house, being married, etc and for both of you to discuss these things....but for you to push him to set it in stone is one of the worst things you could do! You have instantly made him jump back about 1000ft from the place you were at in your relationship. Now if he EVER proposes to you, he'll probably feel like he HAS to! No one wants to be pushed into something that theyre not ready to seriously consider, especially men!! RELAX!!!! If he hasnt spoken seriously (or given you a ring, that HE decides to do himself without your input/coaxing) within another year, then I think its safe to say that he doesnt see a future with you in marriage. Your idea of having a long engagement, and just wanting a ring for the time being so that you feel secure about where this is going is SOO wrong. You should feel secure from what he says & how he treats you, not a piece of metal and stone(s) (that he can always take back if you break up). Having a ring doesnt mean anything...it can still end
Proto Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 LOL! If a girl wanted me to engage to her after we haven't even been going out for a year I'd be running for the door. You need to chill, otherwise the same thing will happen to your man. My gf and I talk about marriage all the time but we're not gonna ACTUALLY do it for a few years down the road. She's 21 and I'm 23 and still in school. No need to rush things.
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