NomiMalone Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 It arrived 3.5 months post BU, 1.5 months NC, completely out of the blue. In fact, when the message arrived, I didn't even recognise the number and vaguely thought it must've been someone belatedly replying to an ad I'd responded to 2 weeks ago about share houses. When I realised who it was, my breath just caught in my throat. Was he going to tell me he'd been to counselling and that he'd changed? The message simply said that there were letters for me at his place from a bank, that I needed to change my address, that he could forward them on if I wished, and that he hoped I was safe and well. Not replying was never an option, as not receiving a reply is even worse than receiving a horrible reply, and I didn't want him to be hurt. I wished so much I could tell him that I still loved him and missed him so much, but I didn't, because it was not going to do either of us any damn good. So I just wrote a polite message back saying thanks for letting me know, sorry about the letters and that I'd recently changed my address with them, and that I hoped he was well also. And I just feel absolutely horrible, because this was really not what I wanted to say. To anyone tempted to break NC in any way, shape or form, DON'T DO IT!! Nothing good will come out of it, for you or the other person. End rant.
melell Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Hey I just wanted to say it might be a good idea to change your number? In my personal experience nc works best when they can't even make contact. You get to avoid the breadcrumbs, and the feelings they stir completely. Hope you start feeling better x 1
Cali408 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I wouldn't call this breaking no contact. You do need those statements. Breaking no contact means, calling, internet stalking, texting. You are taking care of administrative stuff. Don't beat yourself up. 4
AnnaAnna Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I wouldn't call this breaking no contact. You do need those statements. Breaking no contact means, calling, internet stalking, texting. You are taking care of administrative stuff. Don't beat yourself up. I agree 100% with you. I would not call it breadcrumbs because that might have been something important and I think your ex was just being polite. 2
Author NomiMalone Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Thanks Mellel, Cali888 and AnnaAnna. It makes sense that it was admin stuff and hence not breadcrumbs. He's a kind person, not a single vindictive streak in his body, and would never deliberately do anything to hurt me. I saw his communication as breadcrumbs because he knows I get my statements & bills online and that only advertising gets sent by mail. For me, it sucked nonetheless to hear from him and to have that wound opened up again.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I wouldn't call this breaking no contact. You do need those statements. Breaking no contact means, calling, internet stalking, texting. You are taking care of administrative stuff. Don't beat yourself up. The reason for breaking NC was a valid one. Nevertheless, the fact that her breath got caught and her heart likely skipped a beat demonstrates that even administrative matters can set us back. At least, they did with me. 1
whatdreamsmaycome Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Hi Nomi, Hope you are doing well. Something similar happened to me recently - we passed by each other in a hallway at work and an hour later came the first text we had exchanged in a while. I broke NC to reply politely, I didn't want to come off as bitter or angry towards him (even though I have to admit, I kinda am). But even though the reply felt like the right thing to do, the mature thing to do, in the moment. I regretted responding at all, because it put me right back into the obsessive checking to see what he's been up to, who he's been seeing/talking to... just really unhealthy stuff.... hence why I'm back on these boards. I think, in a way, breaking NC presses the reset button on all the progress we made, but at least this time around we can skip a couple levels because we've already been through them... so while this is a setback, don't worry, it won't feel like you're back at square one for long... you will be better soon. Keep us updated if you can. Wish you well. 1
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