Jono187 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Im not sure whats wrong with me ill guess ill start atthe start, [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I grew up feeling pretty loved so I don’t think I haveabandonment issues,[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I didn’t have my first girlfriend till I was 19, I use towatch my friends all[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Have g/fs and would wish I had one and would feel so sadthat I didn’t have one[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I would feel no one would ever love me. To make mattersworse I suffered[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Anxiety from the age of 12, and always was nervoustalking with girls. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I have always felt really sexual and had a huge interestin pornography. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]My first girlfriend was when I was 19. I thought it was perfect[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Until we broke up one day cause she wanted to go outexplore etc…[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And I think nowadays she regrets it. I didn’t really domuch then[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I stayed home a lot just went to my study course etc.. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I was devastated when we did break up. And about 3-4months later[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I found my current girlfriend. We bonded pretty quicklymoved in[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]After a few months, and after a year or two she talkedabout marriage and kids[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]With my previous g/f we talked about it but I cantremember if it was something[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I really wanted or not, but now I guess im not completelyagainst it because[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I did propose. We are good together we have been througha lot[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]She is great with my family as I am with her, [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]We have a few arguments here and their I have trouble[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Saying my feelings but when I do its when it builds upand I erupt and splatter everything. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]So we discussed my conerns of kids and marriage andloosing freedom[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]But she says I have nothing to fear, we have a goodsupport netowkr with our familes, [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And I can still do my shows, (as I am a musician) and canstill record. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I don’t really go out all that often now, just every sooften. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]But I feel when I do I get nervous like I should checkwhat shes doing first[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Or I try to arrange things around her schedule, when shesworking, out and about etc.. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Shes not controlling but I feel I don’t want to leave herat home while im out having fun[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And I feel I try to get home quickly, go out enjoy for abit then head back. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I don’t know why I feel like this but I just don’t wantto do stuff without her and have her[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Angry or upset that im out having fun and shes home…..and I feel so indecisive[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]When making decsions, I think I just like to know I canjust jump up and go out[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]But in a relationship you need to tell ur partner ofplans. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Sometimes I reschedule things because I make plans and [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]She says oh I was thinking we could do this, and I don’twant to let her[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Down by saying no… I guess I have a fear of confrontationas well as t commit[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Cause my fears go deeper aswell like what if thingschange in the future or if what[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]If these commitments get that strong that I need to getout, more of a feeling of being trapped[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I sapose… [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And the last few months, its like while im having theseproblems, im noticing models and celebrities[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]On tv in more of a sexual way. And I feel guilty becauseof it…[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I feel like im resenting her for me not having freedom when it feels like my owninsecurities are holding me back am I right??[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]And its almost like im living my life for me and not us,like I want to be that free man but want that love too.. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I do feel I love my fiancée, but I don’t want to havethese feelings, I know everyone gets uncertainity at times, but why am Idwelling, is this because of my anxiety??[/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]I try to compare my relationship to others and my past.And I don’t want to because evry relationship is different. 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