Emma1234 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Hey everyone, this may be a silly question as I know what I'd probably advise if I saw this thread. My ex and I share a group of mutual friends, we all have plans for a meal today. There will be around 15 of us but sadly he will be there too. I have initiated no contact for about 3 months now I think and although I have bad days I'm definitely healing (a lot of credit goes to those who have responded to my many threads). I originally planned not to go but I haven't seen these friends for 5 months now. My close friends who are going also said it may be a further step in my healing to see him and deal with it. They also said it would be the strong thing to do. I would avoid conversation with him. I feel torn. Do I go, sit well away from him and focus on having a good time with my friends, or back out and make everyone thing I'm not over him? Thanks, Emma.
Grumpybutfun Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Emma: I don't know your backstory, but I guess I would advise you to do whatever you think is going to propel you for moving forward. Scenario 1:You offer your regrets and everyone understands because of your NC rules which you needed to get over this breakup or- Scenario 2: You go and look awesome and smile and dazzle everyone while not giving him the time of day, therefore proving to yourself that you can be fabulous without him and also very brave. Up to you according to where you are, where you want to go and how strong you are with this. Best, Grumps
Never Again Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I had this dilemma last night, except I had no choice - social obligations meant I had to go. Now, I hadn't seen this girl since the breakup/closure talk 4 months ago. We've had very limited contact...4-5 brief text exchanges and 1 phone call. The breakup was hard on me. I knew something was a little off, but everything we did and said together gave me the impression that she was committed, so I felt blindsided, needless to say. The honeymoon period had ended, life and stress were intruding into the relationship, so the butterflies-in-the-tummy/in-love excitement had faded. I knew this was normal, but I had my heart torn out. When I saw her last night...I didn't feel anything. Oh, I'm still attracted to her, but there were no pangs of pain, no longing. I was surrounded by good friend, had a good time, and was a complete loon. Concentrate on YOU, and your happiness, and you'll be fine.
Author Emma1234 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Thank you both for your replies. Makes me feel so much stronger. It's coming to and end I can feel it, finally all these months are revealing that light at the end of the tunnel that everyone talks about. It's a very bright light.
JDPT Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Not worth it at all, save yourself future grief. It's just a meal, you can have a million other meals with your friends where your ex won't be there. I'm in the somewhat same predicament. A friend called over to spend the weekend in the same tow where my ex lives. Unfortunately, I will have to decline as it will only resurface so many memories being in the same town as she is. You need to be selfish and think about yourself, you are all that matters. 3
Cali408 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Don't go. You'll save yourself money and grief. The only person you need to impress is yourself. As long as you feel good about yourself that is all that matters. You don't need to let him know how well you're doing. That's stupid ego stuff. You'll see your friends again. Call them after and set up a time. I think it's pretty insensitive of your friends to have a dinner with both of you there. Do they know the hurt and suffering you have been through? Instead, treat yourself right tonight. Spoil and pamper yourself. You have made great strides. Unless you have complete apathy toward him, you're not over him. Asking this question on the forum proves you don't have complete apathy. 1
Zahara Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I wouldn't go. I would never want to risk the possibility of feeling those rotten emotions resurface all over again. Best thing to do is keep going. When you are indifferent, go. Not when you are still on the fence. You can always schedule another meeting with your friends. And there will be other opportunities to see them again. And who cares what other people think and feel. You were in a relationship. People get hurt. They need to heal. So what if you're not over him. You're human. It's expected. At the end of the day after this meet up, your friends walk away feeling fine, you're the one that has to deal with how and what YOU feel. You should be prioritizing your own feelings instead of what others think of you. 4
Minneloa Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I wouldn't go. I would never want to risk the possibility of feeling those rotten emotions resurface all over again. Best thing to do is keep going. When you are indifferent, go. Not when you are still on the fence. You can always schedule another meeting with your friends. And there will be other opportunities to see them again. And who cares what other people think and feel. You were in a relationship. People get hurt. They need to heal. So what if you're not over him. You're human. It's expected. At the end of the day after this meet up, your friends walk away feeling fine, you're the one that has to deal with how and what YOU feel. You should be prioritizing your own feelings instead of what others think of you. Boom! Co-signed.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Don't do it!! The downside far exceeds the upside.
barky2 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Unfortunately if you have to ask, you're not ready. Please do not peel that scab. Barky 3
Author Emma1234 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 I didn't go, thanks for all your advice guys. Learnt to trust you in the last 5 months. Emma. 5
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Me too!! Self care at it's finest!! 1
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