ooglesnboogles Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I've been debating whether to write/post this, but I feel like I'm no longer capable of making a rational decision myself so here goes... A few months ago, I started dating this girl. She's been my first girlfriend, a first for many other things as well. Shortly after we started dating, we ran into trouble when I found out she still talked to her ex, and frequently (as in, texting every day, possibly calling). Normally, I'd probably shake this off, but she had talked about him a lot when we were first seeing each other, told me he was someone she thought she would marry, and told me she had left other guys for him. When I brought this up with her, she told me she didn't talk to him very much (which I knew was an understatement) and told me "it's not like I hang out with him." A few days before, she had gotten a text from a guy. I just saw the name, though not intentionally, kinda hard to miss when sitting next to each other. I asked her who she was talking to, she said "someone I was supposed to hang out with today." I didn't think much of it until his name slipped out when I brought up her talking to him and it just clicked - he was the guy she was texting. I thought about bringing it up, but didn't know how, so I let it go for the time being. Anyway, after our conversation, she told me she would break off all ties with her ex because it made me uncomfortable (I was cheated on before). So everything was just peachy until recently, I noticed he posted on her facebook wall. After all those times of her saying she had broken off contact with him, I was surprised to see 1) they were still Friends, and 2) she was responding to him. I clicked on the little See Friendship link and there isn't much to see, nothing since she and I started dating. But I scrolled down just a little bit, and a little less than a month before we started dating he had been posting things like "I'm so glad you're in my life *heart heart heart* You're so beautiful" etc. etc. At first I brushed it off because it was before we were dating but then I realized that it didn't match the timeline she had recited to me so often before. She told me they were on and off dating for two years, starting four years ago. She said she broke it off about two years ago when she realized there was no future. But apparently they still talked. Even that, I was willing to pass up, until she and I were hanging out tonight. She was scrolling through her texts, trying to find a picture a friend sent her. As she scrolled through the conversations, I noticed her ex's name. She had been texting him less than a week ago. Again, I held my tongue, hoping to give her the benefit of the doubt, like maybe he had been sending her stuff and she hadn't responded. But later in the night, she told me she had been talking to a friend. A friend who incredibly matches the description of her ex. So basically, she's told me she hasn't been talking to this guy, but she still is. OK, so, long story aside. I don't really know what to do here. I feel a little betrayed that she would look me in the eye so many times and tell me she had broken off all contact with this guy while she's still talking to him. On the other hand, I'm so tired of picked at this bone. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? I don't feel like she's trying to be in a romantic relationship with this guy, but at the same time I feel insecure and lied to and don't know if I can trust what she says anymore. What's a guy to do?
LittleLoveCaster Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 She obviously still has feelings for her ex and if you stay with her, there is a huge risk that she will leave you in order to get back with him at some stage. I make it a rule to only date people who are well and truly over their exes. In addition, it appears she has also been LYING to you, which makes the whole situation worse. I say, get out ASAP.
WhiteButton Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I would next her. I think she stills has feelings for her ex and if you want to be rebound or another options then you can continue this.
soccerrprp Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 1. She is still interested in her ex. 2. She lied to you. 3. She told you that she's left other guys for her ex. Why are you putting yourself through this? You should tell her that she's not ready to be with anyone else (or you) and let her go. Go find someone else. Really, you have obvious signs of someone who is on the brink of going back to her ex when the next opportunity presents itself.
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