This NC thing is not working!

[selfimprovement]

This girl at my university "friend-zoned" me after several dates. She said it was because she was still had feelings left for her ex and didn't feel like dating anybody. I made it clear to her I didn't wanna be her platonic friend. I suggested to her that we stop talking until both of us are either ready to be friends for real or ready to date. She's been texting me like once a week or so. I keep my responses short and never text her first. I keep running into her when I least expect to see her. For instance, she found me at the school dining hall today while I was eating by myself and joined me. I said to her, "Why do I keep running into you when I try not to?" She goes, "Perhaps we are inseparable." Our conversation always gets flirty ilke this. This NC thing is not working. What do I do? :/

[Mariposa10]

First of all, I love how honest she was with you. That's such a good sign!!!

 

I don't really know what to advise you... I guess I would become her friend? but that's not what you want... but then again she's not ready for a relationship... If I were the girl, all I could offer you would be a friendship and see how things go from there.

 

Hopefully someone with more experience will help you.

[todreaminblue]

I would ask her how if she still isnt over her ex and go from there.....you decide what you want from her and see fi what you want is what she wants....in other words i feel that for you communication would help....deb

[Simon Phoenix]

You aren't in No Contact if you are answering her texts. No Contact means No Contact at all.

[Leigh 87]

NC is not supposed to get your ex back.

 

It is just leaving them alone and letting them figure out their lives.

 

In most cases, they don't come back; they liked you and all, but are not compelled to come back and think they have made some sort of "mistake".

 

My ex couldn't go NC as we simply care too much about each other and frankly, I just find him an awesome person to have around and he seems to feel the same.

 

However, even to be friends, you need a period of no contact before you start things again as friends.

 

Just cut contact, acknowledge it will be very difficult, distract yourself, and in a few months if you want to be her FRIEND, try to reach out and see if she wants that too.

 

NEVER go into NC thinking you will get your ex back, as it never happens really.

[StyleOnEm]

It sounds like you barely know this girl. What exactly do you hope to accomplish with NC? Get her to realize how amazing of a guy you are so she can be with you and only you? Yeah, that probably is not going to happen.

[lylat333]

I suggested to her that we stop talking until both of us are either ready to be friends for real or ready to date. She's been texting me like once a week or so. I keep my responses short and never text her first.

 

OP read what I quoted from you and think about it for a moment...

 

As others have pointed out, this is not NC anyway. It sounds like you are falling into the precise trap NC is designed to avoid - allowing someone to feed off of you emotionally without being a romantic partner. She knows she has you on the hook by getting away with flirting with you, texting you, etc.

 

NC is first and foremost a strategy to heal. If you would rather have no contact with this girl than friend-zone breadcrumbs, go true NC. If you think you may have something blossoming, maybe ask her out on another date?

[IfiKnewThen]

personally i think youre doing great! first off, even tho is not radical no contact aka no correspondence, i think what youre doing is better for now. some contact. there no is reason to act like if you dont date me dont talk even for a sec. you dont have to be her friend as in buddy but u can continue to be human and respond in kind once ion a while. there is no need to be radical just yet with N/c. its good you DONT initialize a contact but that youre replying in kind but making it brief. that fact that she said inseparable...even tho she joking...still sounds like there is half truth to that because she might try to be around you or ...or its coincidence. either way, she does seem flirty. but you dont want to waste your time with her. so to that end, i would live while u wait and dont wait to live. look for another girl and only if this particular girl really comes back to you, then consider her. meantime keep your mind open to others. good luck

[Babolat]

My ex gf continues to send me "update" texts, how she is doing with her self work, how she is no longer drinking to excess and has no desire to, how she is changing, and how it's all for her and she needs to understand it's what she wants to do, and that it's not for me. She even dropped of a book on cd she recently read that is helping her, a self help book. I listened to it, I get it.

 

I believe her, knowing her the way I do. I do think she is putting in "the work" to better herself. However, I can't forget the past, and I don't want to. And, I really don't trust that this is real. I think it feels real to her, but it's only been 6+ months, and she has led this kind of life for 25+ years.

 

I have also moved on, I have been on some dates, I feel great, I am happy without her, etc.

 

She was texting me last night and I finally asked her why she keeps texting me with updates. Her response was because it just feels natural to, and she is not trying to make any sense of it.

 

I am at a point, finally, where I can read her texts, and reply, without thinking "what if"; more, "good for her". We tried NC many times, and it would last for a few weeks, and then she would text me, and I would give brief replies.

 

I guess my point is, figure out what YOU want here. She was really never your gf from what I read. If you want a FWB, go for it. If you want a friend, go for it. If you like her attention, accept that. If you want to be left alone, then tell her and don't reply.

[IfiKnewThen]

haha i like bunnies. had 2. such a cute pic.