cozycottagelg Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I am one of those people who despite not having first hand experience with infidelity, is pretty non-judgemental about it, and I enjoy reading the threads here. I guess I can disconnect the marriage from the cheating somewhat. This thread though, really kind of ruined that for me. I'd rather my husband went out and banged someone..ANYONE..than to complain about me to another women, enough where she knew my weight, my bad habits, my parenting style. That cuts deep... 4
goodyblue Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Maybe the secret is if MM tells OW things about BS, don't go sharing it like it's gossip.
peaksandvalleys Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I for one would like to thank the OP for this thread. As a woman who is preparing for D-day, you have shown me some things with all the responses that I would have never thought of. I will use what I have read here to go in another direction in preparing for the upcoming bomb. I would have never in a million yeas thought along these lines. It also confirms to me that the more information I have the better off I will be in the end. Again thank you. 2
bentleychic Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I would like to say and have said all along, that my MM does NOT talk badly about his W. The few times he told me about something they disagreed on (this is rare. They do not fight/argue very often), it was in a laughing manner sort of in a "Isn't that funny?" type of way and I have agreed w/ HER side every time. :-p I do know stuff about his W, but not bad things and he doesn't talk about her much, anyway. He doesn't speak poorly of her when he does, though. 2
Livingeachday Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 That is actually one of the things that most troubles me the most: How much I do know about my AP's wife cos it sure is a lot. Nothing that makes me think of her badly in any way - just the sheer amount of very personal information that was shared with me that she has no idea about really effects me sometimes. She had some major (lifethreatening) health issues in the last few years and while I did of course want to give my AP an open ear and outlet to share his fears about her health with (he wouldn't adress it with her to protect and to not scare her) - it still felt sooo wrong when I imagined myself in her position. While my AP and I share when we have disagreements with our SO's we never ever do that in any bad or disrespectful way towards the spouses. I can only say that from all I've been told about her she seems to be a nice person who loves her husband dearly ... and quite frankly even if my AP was married to ATTILA the HUN that's his business and not mine.
Author SarahJames Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Just to clarify, I started this thread not in an attempt to share the things we know about our MM's wife, but to discuss WHY a MM would tell his mistress things about her. Apparently many women are in a different situation - they know things due to gossip spreading. That is not my situation - everything I know about her, I know because HE has told me. What I didn't understand, was WHY he would want to share things about HER with ME. Again, this thread was not intended to go into specific details, nor was it to in anyway insult the BS.
yellowmaverick Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Just to clarify, I started this thread not in an attempt to share the things we know about our MM's wife, but to discuss WHY a MM would tell his mistress things about her. Apparently many women are in a different situation - they know things due to gossip spreading. That is not my situation - everything I know about her, I know because HE has told me. What I didn't understand, was WHY he would want to share things about HER with ME. Again, this thread was not intended to go into specific details, nor was it to in anyway insult the BS. What HE has told you IS GOSSIP - you don't really KNOW anything if you don't know it first-hand. My H told his mistress all kind of "facts" about me and us. He figured that he could say anything because she lived 2000 miles away. She was PISSED to discover after d-day that he had made up stories about our life and about me.
solostand Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 To clarify, all these things were told over time and in a certain context. The bj thing for example was during a general discussion about how men love bjs. This was before we even had sex. He said he hasn't had one in 30 years because she's not good at it and he would prefer she not do it. It wasn't like he was whining about it. Also, we are best friends so we talk about everything.
ComingInHot Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I refused to allow My H to talk ill of th exow in the same way he spoke ill of me. Of course he was going to share ALL the faults and shortcomings that may or may Not have been true. I know for fact the things he shared with her as she told me. Some (very little) was true but most complete crap. It made me feel sick when he tried. And I would Not listen! 1
peaksandvalleys Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 That is actually one of the things that most troubles me the most: How much I do know about my AP's wife cos it sure is a lot. Nothing that makes me think of her badly in any way - just the sheer amount of very personal information that was shared with me that she has no idea about really effects me sometimes. She had some major (lifethreatening) health issues in the last few years and while I did of course want to give my AP an open ear and outlet to share his fears about her health with (he wouldn't adress it with her to protect and to not scare her) - it still felt sooo wrong when I imagined myself in her position. While my AP and I share when we have disagreements with our SO's we never ever do that in any bad or disrespectful way towards the spouses. I can only say that from all I've been told about her she seems to be a nice person who loves her husband dearly ... and quite frankly even if my AP was married to ATTILA the HUN that's his business and not mine. IMO the conversation even happening is bad and disrespectful. 1
peaksandvalleys Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Just to clarify, I started this thread not in an attempt to share the things we know about our MM's wife, but to discuss WHY a MM would tell his mistress things about her. Apparently many women are in a different situation - they know things due to gossip spreading. That is not my situation - everything I know about her, I know because HE has told me. What I didn't understand, was WHY he would want to share things about HER with ME. Again, this thread was not intended to go into specific details, nor was it to in anyway insult the BS. Because you allow it.
Goodbye Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I started out as friends with the exMM. During that time he sent me photos of his W with their son. She is attractive, looks like a mom. I know she is an accountant and works a lot. I know how they met, lots of stuff. He spoke highly of her during the first chapter of our friendship. When I pulled away from the friendship because I was having feelings for him, he changed his tune. She became a control freak, dictator, unstable mom. Then SHE wanted a divorce and made him move out. So, none of that turned out to be true. In reality, she is a working mom, successful, attractive and completely unaware that her marriage was sh*t upon by her charmer H.
Livingeachday Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 IMO the conversation even happening is bad and disrespectful. Given your background story that you posted on this board I can understand. All I can say is that I wish you all the best for the hard times you are facing.
Dreamworld Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Just to clarify, I started this thread not in an attempt to share the things we know about our MM's wife, but to discuss WHY a MM would tell his mistress things about her. Apparently many women are in a different situation - they know things due to gossip spreading. That is not my situation - everything I know about her, I know because HE has told me. What I didn't understand, was WHY he would want to share things about HER with ME. Again, this thread was not intended to go into specific details, nor was it to in anyway insult the BS. Because that way you can both justify the affair. Someone on the other forum said it really clearly. These mm tell the same kind of stories so that the OW thinks they are "saving" these "poor" men. Some of the stuff said here is almost the same stuff my mm told me. No sex, controlling, etc. And how the two of us truly connect, he had met his soulmate etc. Well when d day came, guess what. He threw me right under the bus. I met the wife for the first time and talked to her for four hours in a hotel lobby. She was nothing he described her to be. They tell you about the wife so you can continue sleeping with them. Hope this helped somewhat. 1
ComingInHot Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 To enable the WS by listening to derogatory about the BS OR AP is abhorrent unless you are a same sex friend or counselor OR Not sleeping w/him. If you are, in my mind you are no better than the WS. 1
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