SarahJames Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 What do you know about your MM's wife? I've been thinking and I know quite a bit about this woman...and it's not because I ever met her, saw her, or snooped around for information. I know these things about her because they are things that he has told me. Then I got to thinking, isn't it bizarre that I know these things about his wife? I know whether she is a neat or messy person, I know what car she drives, I know that stupid little thing she does that is his pet-peeve, I know about the relationship she has with her parents etc. Quite a lot to know about a person who's husband you've been sleeping with. Why would a MM be telling his mistress things about his wife? How much do you know about your MM's wife?
bentleychic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Why would a MM be telling his mistress things about his wife? Because his wife is a huge part of his life, he loves her and likes to talk about her? 5
LilGirlandOW Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 MM and I know a lot about each other's life past and present including everything about BS and my xH. I think it's common for the AP to be privy to info about the bs.
scatterd Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I have to agree he thinks alot of his wife. Why would a man that is trying to woo OW want to talk about his wife. I would think it would be a turn off for OW.
solostand Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I know she is a retired RN. I know what she looks like because I spent an afternoon across the aisle from her in a booth at a flea market. She did not know who I was but I knew who she was. Her husband phoned me five times while I was standing right across from her. I know she is not very attractive - she is about 20 years older than me and I know she weights 180 pounds. I know what vehicle she drives. I know where she lives and have been in her home. I know she makes wine for a hobby. I know she "grain of salt here folks' was never very interested in sex. I know where she volunteers. I know she hasn't given a bj in 30 years because he says she just can't do it right and treats his penis like a 'Tonka Toy'. I know if the truth comes out there is gonna be one helluva showdown between her and me. 1
threelaurels Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I think OW should be far more concerned about the things they don't know about the BS. Here are some things the OW didn't know about me: 1. He hit me. 2. He raped me. 3. He once held a knife to my throat and actually cut me deep enough to bleed. 4. He told me he would make me "pay" if I ever left him and make it look like a suicide. From the outside looking in, you really have no idea what goes on inside a house. 9
yellowmaverick Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I've been thinking and I know quite a bit about this woman...and it's not because I ever met her, saw her, or snooped around for information. I know these things about her because they are things that he has told me. So, basically, you "know" nothing about her. 2
yellowmaverick Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I know she hasn't given a bj in 30 years because he says she just can't do it right and treats his penis like a 'Tonka Toy'. What a class act! I know if the truth comes out there is gonna be one helluva showdown between her and me. Doubtful - see above. Something tells me that he is going to be all yours!! :laugh:
AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 What do you know about your MM's wife? I've been thinking and I know quite a bit about this woman...and it's not because I ever met her, saw her, or snooped around for information. I know these things about her because they are things that he has told me. Then I got to thinking, isn't it bizarre that I know these things about his wife? I know whether she is a neat or messy person, I know what car she drives, I know that stupid little thing she does that is his pet-peeve, I know about the relationship she has with her parents etc. Quite a lot to know about a person who's husband you've been sleeping with. Why would a MM be telling his mistress things about his wife? How much do you know about your MM's wife? I know almost every thing about her. From her, he doesn't talk badly about her to me other than wishing she would show affection.
AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I know she is a retired RN. I know what she looks like because I spent an afternoon across the aisle from her in a booth at a flea market. She did not know who I was but I knew who she was. Her husband phoned me five times while I was standing right across from her. I know she is not very attractive - she is about 20 years older than me and I know she weights 180 pounds. I know what vehicle she drives. I know where she lives and have been in her home. I know she makes wine for a hobby. I know she "grain of salt here folks' was never very interested in sex. I know where she volunteers. I know she hasn't given a bj in 30 years because he says she just can't do it right and treats his penis like a 'Tonka Toy'. I know if the truth comes out there is gonna be one helluva showdown between her and me. How do you know her weight?? That's something he told you or your guessing from her physical appearance?
AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I think OW should be far more concerned about the things they don't know about the BS. Here are some things the OW didn't know about me: 1. He hit me. 2. He raped me. 3. He once held a knife to my throat and actually cut me deep enough to bleed. 4. He told me he would make me "pay" if I ever left him and make it look like a suicide. From the outside looking in, you really have no idea what goes on inside a house. Wow! Is he out if your life? I hope so.
bentleychic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I think OW should be far more concerned about the things they don't know about the BS. Here are some things the OW didn't know about me: 1. He hit me. 2. He raped me. 3. He once held a knife to my throat and actually cut me deep enough to bleed. 4. He told me he would make me "pay" if I ever left him and make it look like a suicide. From the outside looking in, you really have no idea what goes on inside a house. Wow, (((threelaurels))). I sincerely hope he is no longer in your life.
AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 If I wanted to list a bunch of flaws about her, that I know as fact, and not from his mouth only I could.. Could honestly say how on comparison I come out looking like a golden girl .. But I won't because honestly, I have different flaws than she does but just as many I am sure and I'm also a liar and a cheater so what could I really say? My OM loves me and I love him, but he loved her first, and I know and accept that, she's not a bad person at all. 3
scatterd Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 WTHF Not to be rude but It sounds like you dont know any nice things about her. Do people really say that much about somebody or is most of it from her husband. 2
seren Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 If all that you (general) know about her is true have you never asked the MM why he is still married? I cannot imagine staying married to someone who I had so little respect for and if the MM has shared all these things with you about his wife, I would wonder what has kept him there, even before his A. If I has such little respect for someone, I would find it hard to put up a front and pretend to care or that I even liked them and wonder if his children would sense that and If he would be better off just leaving. Maybe he has. As the OW to a man married to someone he has such little like or respect for, did or do you ask why he stays and doesn't it pee you off that he does? It would me. As an XBS, I didn't need or want to hear H badmouthing the OW, it felt wrong and disrespectful. Any opinions I have made about her, I have made from basing it upon any interaction we have had, I stopped my friends badmouthing her, I wouldn't do it, not even here on an anonymous board. I wonder why some AP's don't tell the MM to either put up or shut up or leave. 5
Daisy2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Well, he told me she didn't like sex and from daddy issues didn't "need" a man. That she doesn't play and couldn't understand the fun and laughter he would have when his kids, even as adults, visit. He says she doesn't do anything all day (is a housewife) and wish she would be productive and work. He would tell me that I understand fun and laughter, and appreciate a man. She wasn't nice to his kids when they were teens. He says they married for convenience, although I'm sure there had to be love. He was a single dad of 3 who needed a home. He was living with his dad, who told him he needed to move. She needed a paycheck (which is what he says he is to her), someone to help raise her daughter, and she had a home. From what I know personally, she is just weird. Nobody much seems to care for her. I've heard 1st hand how she complained about his kids when they were teens (like eating a lot) and when she was given suggestions, she balked at them. Yet, she held her own daughter on a pedestal. They are as different to me as night and day. People would wonder how he ended up with her. Maybe they are more alike than I know, who knows.
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 This has got to be one of the creepiest threads in LS history. Do OWs have nothing better to do than be obsessed with the wife. Learning all her activities in great detail? Stalking at the flea market? Asking about her personal sex habits? Family? Children? It is gruesome and distasteful. Besides showing a lack of respect it also shows significant issues with lack of self esteem and insecurity. How do insecure people deal with a superior person? They put this person down! Sick to the marrow. Could not agree more Pierre! And how someone talks about the person they CHOSE to marry, even if the marriage is ending, is EXACTLY the disrespect you will be shown should your relationship not work out. cannot even fathom it or WHY anyone would even listen to a diatribe of complaints, some exceeding small-minded, crass and petty, unless it empowered them for some reason. You can't buy class, can you? ....sigh....and I would seriously wonder about the character of ANY man who could do that, yet still stay married to that crude, overweight, frigid, uneducated, behemoth he chose to be the mother of his children. Wouldn't you? 8
thefooloftheyear Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Jeez....Some OW's show themselves to be quite naive...not referring to anyone in particular...in general.. He feeds negative shyt to you to get you on his team..Some(all?) of it may be true, but think about it..If he says she's a wonderful woman (even if she is), then he feels more guilty about banging the OW..And the OW may show empathy for the BS and bow out..So she becomes the wicked witch, which makes it easier on the conscience for both AP's.... Dont need to be Freud to see beyond this. TFY 3
velvette Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I said some neutral things about here in that list, but no, most of this is not from exMM. Some of it I have witnessed myself or just knew from living in the same area as her. Some of the more personal things (and I didn't list a lot of those) are from exMM and some of the guys she dated prior to exMM and her getting married. She has some very gossipy girlfriends who talk about things and then things get around and I often hear them accidentally and from people who have zero idea that exMM and I had a relationship. Some of it comes from her kids talking to other kids or other parents. I admit, I didn't list many of her neutral or good qualities - because she does have some, of course. But, I guess I figured since the OWs take such a beating on this site, on the board that is for them, then why be nice about it? Ya know? I mean, if people are going to read over here, I guess they should be able to dish back in what they dish out. I was just taking off the gloves so to speak and not, you know, "sugar coating" things - sometimes it takes harshness for people to understand things, right? Right.........I think you have cleared up a lot for a lot us. 3
seren Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 WTHF, I suppose I have never met people who would even think to say those things about another, even gossipy girlfrieds, though if friends say those things the word is a bit of an oxymoron. The very nature of what has been shared with you is highly personal, between the MM and his wife and why her exes would share things with you just seems very disrespectful. I guess I just haven't experienced this, or maybe people know I would shoot them down in flames if they did this. I don't necessarily think it is a case of sugar coating or not, unless the BS is here reading this, then she has no idea she is being written about, so sugar coating isn't really necessary. I reckon most BS's having gone through an A wouldn't be hurt by what is written here, from my point of view, I just don't understand why 'we', if we are being labelled, are so villified when all most of us do is love our H's and try to get by doing what familes do. I have many reasons to dislike the actions of the OW in my situation, not for the A, for that I push onto my H, but for her actions toward me and mine afterwards. I know a lot about her, I have heard a lot about her, but it's what I have experienced that I truly know, everyhting else is just heresay and the opinion of others. I feel very sorry for this woman, besides the A, I feel more sorry for her that she is spoken about this way by those around her, I would feel sorry for anyone who was spoken about this way. Yes, it is the OW/OM board and your views and opinions are yours to own and write about, as are mine. I try to understand the dynamics of A's, not just that of my H, that chapter is well and truly closed and empathise with the hurt and deceit most of us can experience, but I don't understand the character assasinations that go on, from both sides. I used to say to H when he would begin to say something derogatory about OW, I don't want or need to hear that, she was good enough to have an A with, so she couldn't have been that bad, were I in an A, I think I would say the same thing. it must be very a very toxic environment for children to be in when a parent thinks this way about another. Unless they are very good actors. I rarely hear the MM/MW being villified in such a way, I guess sometimes it is easier to blame the BS or OW/OM. 4
solostand Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) How do you know her weight?? That's something he told you or your guessing from her physical appearance? he told me. i also saw her. And I certainly wasn't "stalking" her at the flea market. I had to be there for work, it was in MY hometown, and he dropped a bomb on my head that she was also going to be there for a volunteer group. I almost died! I didn't know if I could keep my cool around her, but I did. Edited October 10, 2013 by solostand
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I said some neutral things about here in that list, but no, most of this is not from exMM. Some of it I have witnessed myself or just knew from living in the same area as her. Some of the more personal things (and I didn't list a lot of those) are from exMM and some of the guys she dated prior to exMM and her getting married. She has some very gossipy girlfriends who talk about things and then things get around and I often hear them accidentally and from people who have zero idea that exMM and I had a relationship. Some of it comes from her kids talking to other kids or other parents. I admit, I didn't list many of her neutral or good qualities - because she does have some, of course. But, I guess I figured since the OWs take such a beating on this site, on the board that is for them, then why be nice about it? Ya know? I mean, if people are going to read over here, I guess they should be able to dish back in what they dish out. I was just taking off the gloves so to speak and not, you know, "sugar coating" things - sometimes it takes harshness for people to understand things, right? Understand what? That you have chosen to be with a MM who chooses to stay with ATILLA THE HUN by his own account? Does that make you feel better? Does that make him feel better? Is your relationship about the two of you? Or, because you are in receipt of so much negative petty information regarding her, is it more about revenge against her? It's the classic triangle. Without her cast as the all wicked persecutor, you cannot be empowered as his loving rescuer. Examine that. 3
TheOW Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I knew somethings about her as we live in same town but she is 20 years older than I so we have different friend groups. XMM never really said anything bad about her and when he did I did not respond it wasn't my business to discuss her, of course I was curious who wouldn't be. I have my own faults and I expect she has to but as I said that wasn't my business to know these things and I never ever asked. She is a good looking woman and actually very funny she has a fiery personality but so do I, often when he complained about her I would think "well that's what I would do to" we were in a way pretty similar, just normal women raising our families, cleaning our homes and a little snappy to our husbands when they got unbearable at times. Except I overstepped the mark and was sleeping with her husband the man she trusted for 30 years the man she respected and protected their family. I don't blame her one bit for hating me she forgives him but she will never forgive me, I see the rage burning in her eyes everytime we pass or are in out local. I also see his jealousy when I'm talking with others. Such a mess 2
cocorico Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I know a great deal about her, very little of it from him. Some of it is from direct observation - seeing her, seeing the condition she left the house in, overhearing phone calls, etc - and some via others (the kids, neighbours, colleagues, his family, friends, etc) but I guess most telling for me was what she wrote in her own words in all the emails she has sent, all the notes, letters and her old diaries she left here. 1
goodyblue Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I think that if OW knows a lot, it's because MM has talked about it with her, because they are close. When you are friends, you talk about a lot of things and it isn't necessarily out of the OW wanting to be mean. And possibly the MM did say all the bad things because he was justifying the affair. But maybe not. Maybe he said it because he really felt that way. I'm sure you've heard two friends say "we tell eachother everything".
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