RollTide10 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 (edited) I've been wandering this forum for an awfully long time now, and decided it was time to ask about my own situation. First let me say this isn't the first break up for my ex and I. A little background she is 27 and I am 23 and January would make 6 years of us being together. Our first breakup was nearly 5 months ago and it was due to some insecurities on her side. I am an aspiring CRNA student and at the time and still in this moment I am struggling to find a school to accept me and it's been going on for over a year now. She however has graduated and has moved to a different city not too far away from our hometown and had a decent job. Well for a little over give or take 3-4 months I had 100% moved in with her. I was off working construction jobs with her dad (which I despised) just trying to make money for myself and I will admit I was very stingy with it. Not to the point of not taking her out etc. but such as the new couch she wanted for her apartment, I couldn't afford, and I didn't want to afford it because the would mean me having to go on yet another job with her dad and as I mentioned before I despise it. Not because of the work but because of the seperation from her, from my things etc. So she ended up breaking it off for a short while but luckily she came back to me. Now that I look back on it it was too soon I believe because here I am now. During our first break I had a very strong hunch she had quickly moved on to someone else and that tore me apart and when we got back together it stayed with me. Now by got back together we never 100% put the dating title over us but we acted as we did. She still texted other guys "as friends" which was somewhat normal for her because she doesn't have many girl friends. She's a very no nonsense person and doesn't deal with drama. The first few months back together were beautiful, but then she quit her desk job and took out to the roads like her dad. Working as a project manager on construction jobs and as a timekeeper for better pay. I too went back to the road with her dad. The separation really took its toll then. Every guys name she mentioned, I lost my mind. Is she with him? Why is she eating with them? She says they are the supervisors and respect her dad enough to never try anything with her but I KNOW the thoughts of these guys. I hear them. It doesn't matter if they are 15 years married with 3 wonderful children, when they are out on the road it's all free game. I progressed into being very obsessive and always questioning her motives and to why certain guys were texting her, so last Saturday before she left for another job she broke it off with me. She said it isn't our time, and she's tired of living on broken promises that I will change for her and that life is too short to live that way and that she wants to be with someone who doesn't search for the negative and is just happy to be with her. Pain doesn't describe it. I actually legitimately had planned to propose to her before the end of this year and have been saving money to do so. I immediatley went to no contact but yesterday she contacted me in a friendly manner to tell me about her brothers step daughter asking where I was and that I needed to go see her and that transpired into me asking some questions like a fool. Like are we really over? Is this the end of us etc. The mixed signals were unreal she said things like "it's just not our time right now" and "I don't know if this is the end" along with "your a wonderful guy and will make someone extremely happy some day" and things to make me pull in both directions. I ended up telling her that the texting as friends was too much for me right now and that id never be able to move forward, and she jumped all over the idea and ended the conversation right there. I should mention the job he is on with her dad right now is the same job her most recent "texting friend" is on as well. Am I wrong to think there is hope? Or am I trying to see the silver lining that doesn't really exist? Any comments would be wonderful because I'm in a spot in my life I never wanted to face again yet here I am and I'm beaten and battered over it. Edited October 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author RollTide10 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 What I didn't mention is that we know each other's darkest secrets. Things neither of us have told anyone else including our family. The bond we share is more then just a intimate love and a very personal love as best friends. Things that we will take to the grave knowing about each other. I don't know. I'm just extremely confused right now.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) Let me start by saying my first girlfriend ever/HS sweetheart 5 year relationship etc. was a truly amazing girl. At the time we broke up mainly because I got a case of GIGs and was playing college baseball and started thinking there is maybe something better out there, but NEVER in my right mind did I try to be a friend with her. When I walked away I KNEW she was hurting. I KNEW that she was emotionally broke and did I care? Absolutely but I also cared enough to let her be. My presence in the situation as a "friend" would only give her reason to hold on to me and I realized that and I wanted her hurt to be final. As soon as possible I wanted it over, and never wanted to do it to we again. So like I said, I broke it off clean and low and behold met the woman who has me in this sh•thole I'm in now. 6 year relationship. One break up 5months ago, get back together and ends things again 1.5 weeks ago. First break up she was adamant in my going away. Just leave me alone. But this one. This break up is just so easy for her it's sickening. We can be friends. Almost like it HURTS her to say we can we friends. And the "thank you for everything's. I do love you." How does ANYONE see being the "dumper" and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the "dumpee" is in a world of hurt, that offering to be friends is ok? Yup that's what I want. Please be my friend. My friends contact me. You haven't in a week, it's all been me talking to you, and you replying with very short answers. Oh yeah please be my friend, so that guy I know you've been texting the past 3 weeks that works with your dad and you claim is "nothing" finally kicks off I can be there for you to congratulate you!! Since I'm a "friend" and all. Let me tell you all something. You ARENT friends. This girl and I have shared everything together. An emotional bond that I thought would remain unbroken and secrets we will take to the grave together, but the fact she thinks after SIX years of being together every day, living together, making love together, and planning our lives out for a future together, that I can be her "FRIEND" right now, she's got another thing coming. I officially feel my hurt and ashamed by her responding to all of my begging efforts with "I can be your friend" then if she would've ended things with me and said "your dirt, I haven't been in love with you for the past two years, and I never want to hear from you again". Am I the only one with this anger and resentment towards just being "friends"? Edited October 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Stealth3 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Don't be an idiot, she doesn't want to be friends, she is only saying that for a few reasons and a few reasons only: 1) For her to relieve guilt. 2) To keep you on the leash in case it doesn't work with the other guy she's talking to. 3) To come back eventually when her life becomes **** and she realized she screwed up. 4) She might think that way she is letting you go softly and you wont be hurt. Most likely to make herself feel better about the whole situation.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 I don't plan on it. I poured my heart out to her last night after she finally revealed to me "she is done. It is 110% over" since all I've been hearing all week was a bunch of petty IDKs and I'm confused about everything right now. I lost my cool naturally and sent about 4 lengthy texts in succession with no reply. About 10:30 this morning I finally get one. "I'm telling you we can be friends.But do whatever you need to do. Thank you for everything. I do love you". That text alone gave me all the will I needed to go NC that instant. I didn't answer back nor will I. She's said herself she's emotionally checked out of this relationship a while back, so it's my turn to start as well. 1
Stealth3 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Sounds just like my ex....she convinced herself that she wanted out of the relationship a long time ago and she wasnt happy. Im telling you, there is another dude out there that she is talking to, I guarantee it. The same thing happened to my ex, same ****. As soon as she started talking to another guy, she wanted out and wanted to be friends...till I found out what really happened.
sweetheart5381 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I'll tell you what I did my friend. My ex broke up with me over the phone in a 5 min conversation on a Saturday night cuz he wanted to party. He said he still wanted to hang out and "be friends", just didn't love me, never did. Apparently he lied every time he said he did. I said ok, but we cant be friends, come and get your stuff before you go to the party. He didn't show. I went to his place and dropped off his **** the next morning. His nose was still so full of coke, it was disgusting. A few days later I told him how much I wanted to be his friend, etc. He was happy to hear this and talked to me in more than one word answers again. I faked being suicidal over the breakup... he broke down, lol. He called, texted, came by my house, etc. He was sooooo sad that he had hurt me, blah, blah, blah. That's when I let him have it Let him eat all his own words and called him on his lies. Expressed what a POS he was for faking a relationship, etc. He hasn't responded to my knowledge, I haven't checked my phone. Guess he really doesn't want to be friends, does he? Hint, hint.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 It's just one of those things now that I just know.....one day when you put on one of my 100 old shirts of mine you wear to sleep in, you'll think of me. When you slide on a pair of my old boxers just to be lazy in on a Sunday, you'll think of me. If you and that guy have something going on, when you go to remove the 300+ pictures and 15+ albums you have of us, you'll think of me. When you get home to your parents house and see the pictures of us along the counters and walls and on the fridge, you'll think of me. When you go to your apartment and open your closet door and see countless items of my clothing (nice golf pants, shirts, Polos, etc) that I haven't and won't ask for back, you'll think of me. And while you think of me....while you don't react upon any thought you have of reconciliation with me....I'll be one day closer to leaving this hell behind, and by the time you do come back, IF you ever do I will have so much indifference in my heart that "us" could be dead.....I don't rely on her to think of me, but when I say triggers are everywhere she will go, I mean it. But she has made her bed and chose to lay in it, and I'm slowly creeping up on the realization that I need to do the same and this one is one for the history books and just a 6 year long learning experience.
Trick1004 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Don't be an idiot, she doesn't want to be friends, she is only saying that for a few reasons and a few reasons only: 1) For her to relieve guilt. 2) To keep you on the leash in case it doesn't work with the other guy she's talking to. 3) To come back eventually when her life becomes **** and she realized she screwed up. 4) She might think that way she is letting you go softly and you wont be hurt. Most likely to make herself feel better about the whole situation. It's exactly that,BS!! I think these four reasons sums up pretty well why they make the offer. Mine threw out "I still want to be friends" line the night she ended the r/s, like she was doing me some kind of favor. Funny thing, I had told her multiple times during the r/s that I don't remain "friends" with exes regardless of who does the breaking up. I guess she didn't think I was serious, lol!
Author RollTide10 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Same. My ex seems to think she's a "big girl" because she can be friends with her ex-bfs. And it seems to hold true. Most her ex-s are friendly to her. She's only been in on other LTR when she was 17-18 and that lasted 2-3 years and he was older. I think a 7 year gap in them I believe. He's married with a kid now, but point being I won't be her prototypical good friend ex. I have a damned heart too and I refuse to have it torn out continuously as I sit around and watch you move on. Actually I don't think she wants to be friends personally. If I were to agree to that, how many of you think I would hear a peep from her? Nobody? Yeah me either. It's just a way to fill her mind with "SHOO Ok he's fine with the break up if he wants to be friends. Now then where was I, oh yeah I was texting the new guy about meeting up!" I hate to think she's so cold-hearted because in 6 years I've seen her crack emotionally and show fear, love, sadness, compassion and it's beautiful that she's opened up to me with all of those feelings, but I've also seen the bat sh*t crazy person she can be as well.
Chi townD Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Damn, not bad for an Alabama fan. You pretty much got a handle on everything and why she's doing what she's doing. But, be prepared. She won't know how to take you. You're not behaving the way others have behaved in the past. Right now, she's thinking that you're just pissed and having a temper tantrum. She's thinking that she'll let you cool down for a while, then reach out to you with breadcrumbs. DON'T BITE!!
sweetheart5381 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 It's just one of those things now that I just know.....one day when you put on one of my 100 old shirts of mine you wear to sleep in, you'll think of me. When you slide on a pair of my old boxers just to be lazy in on a Sunday, you'll think of me. If you and that guy have something going on, when you go to remove the 300+ pictures and 15+ albums you have of us, you'll think of me. When you get home to your parents house and see the pictures of us along the counters and walls and on the fridge, you'll think of me. When you go to your apartment and open your closet door and see countless items of my clothing (nice golf pants, shirts, Polos, etc) that I haven't and won't ask for back, you'll think of me. And while you think of me....while you don't react upon any thought you have of reconciliation with me....I'll be one day closer to leaving this hell behind, and by the time you do come back, IF you ever do I will have so much indifference in my heart that "us" could be dead.....I don't rely on her to think of me, but when I say triggers are everywhere she will go, I mean it. But she has made her bed and chose to lay in it, and I'm slowly creeping up on the realization that I need to do the same and this one is one for the history books and just a 6 year long learning experience. Absolutely. 6 months or 6 yrs, it all hurts the same. Walking away takes far more strength than hanging on and wondering "what if". The clock still ticks while you are in traction, better to accept it and move on. Burn the bridge completely.
Author RollTide10 Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 Lol you actually made me crack a smile there with the not bad for a Bama fan thing. UA graduate and proud of it! Haha...And right now it is still very early and raw in our break-up and do I long for the breadcrumbs? Absolutely I do. Anything ANYTHING at all just feed me with any words that give me hope!! BUT that isn't her. She's a woman. A strong-willed woman. Doesn't have but two girlfriends in her life (serious) and they aren't just EXTREMELY close either. The rest are guys. She might be drop dead gorgeous, dress like a lady, and act like one but when you get to know her she's just one of the guys. So needless to say her bull-headiness is out of this world. I've accepted No Contact this time around strictly out of how serene and calm she is being. The first time as I said was a drag-out over 2-3 weeks of LEAVE ME ALONEEEEEEEEE!!! And then shortly after LC started and we sort of drifted back together. This time though I believe the deed is done. She is calm. She doesn't mind if I text her. It's not going to bother her. She too has accepted the end of this relationship, and she was the first to do it. So whether or not this other girl is a part of the reason (I like to think so she doesn't have the best tract record as far as a "classy" girl goes) I can also accept that maybe she just realized I wasn't who she wanted. Sucks it took her 6 years to decide that, but it is what it is.
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