AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 We have had sex in my home, and his home.. If we were ever exposed yes this would be horrible for our spouses to learn of but I think the risk of us being found out is very small if we stay on this path.. I've seen people here.. Who are in affairs themselves, come across as disgusted and horrified about sex in the marital home or bed. Where exactly were you meeting? I guess if one of you is single and there are no kids between you that might be easier..
solostand Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 We do it in my home since I am single. He did take me to the marital home once and it made me feel like I was crossing a boundary. We did not do it in the marital bed but I know if she knew I was even IN her home, getting a tour by her husband, she would be enraged.
Purepony Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I think you should read sopies thread. In the car or hotels, shop around in the morning some give you a better deal from 8-am-6pm. For example. Also dont pay with a credit card because it leaves a paper trail but they will ask for an id but if you dont want to go thru that go to a remote mountain area most of the time theres no one near 200 ft and you save the hotel money and its quicker Just remember what your doing and be prepared to be caught anytime
canuckprincess Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 We have had sex in my home, and his home.. If we were ever exposed yes this would be horrible for our spouses to learn of but I think the risk of us being found out is very small if we stay on this path.. I've seen people here.. Who are in affairs themselves, come across as disgusted and horrified about sex in the marital home or bed. Where exactly were you meeting? I guess if one of you is single and there are no kids between you that might be easier.. In the beginning it was the car or hotel rooms but 5 months into the affair my ex husband moved out and since then it's been mostly my house. We both feel more comfortable making love in my bed. But we have done it just about everywhere, that's part of the excitement.
solostand Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Yes I should add beach, field, truck, car, fishing brook. . .did add to the fun
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 We do it in my home since I am single. He did take me to the marital home once and it made me feel like I was crossing a boundary. We did not do it in the marital bed but I know if she knew I was even IN her home, getting a tour by her husband, she would be enraged. Before this affair ever started I was one of those people who was like, whyyyy would people cheat instead of just divorcing! .. Then once the affair started I was like.. Ok, but we'll still have boundaries and not do anything in each others homes.. That went out the window too relatively quickly... I agree there is such thing as adding insult to injury. And this would be one of those times.. But I don't feel particularly guilty about it.. The affair in general but not that it's been in our homes.
bentleychic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Originally, motels (only a couple of times) or a friends house (she worked during the day and left it accessible to me any time that I needed it for ANY reason. And yes, she did know the whole situation so was fully informed.) Now it's my house. The kids are never here when MM comes to visit. We schedule our times around when they are at their dad's house or at school.
legalgirl Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I would never go to his home. Just a different level of disrespect, but that's my opinion only. 2
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I think you should read sopies thread. In the car or hotels, shop around in the morning some give you a better deal from 8-am-6pm. For example. Also dont pay with a credit card because it leaves a paper trail but they will ask for an id but if you dont want to go thru that go to a remote mountain area most of the time theres no one near 200 ft and you save the hotel money and its quicker Just remember what your doing and be prepared to be caught anytime There would not be very many situations where the two of us could go away at the same time and it not put up huge red flags. It's been a year and not one opportunity as arisen where that was a possibility. He would love to get a hotel with me got a day and speaks of it often. But I just don't think it's realistic. Small town.. And there isn't anyone here that doesn't know us, closest we could go is an hour away and if we did that it would include a lot of lying on both out parts to get the day.. So don't see it happening any time soon.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 The overwhelming majority of OWs respect the home of the BW. That is one line they don't cross due to self respect. Are you guys short on cash? Why not use the local Hampton Inn? They are quite inexpensive. No not short on cash.. Not even a hotel within an hour of my home town though! Also when we are alone together there is always a legitimate reason for us being alone so we've never even had to make up stories or lie much, except by omission and I don't much feel like changing that.
LilGirlandOW Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Never at his house. Always my place or random exciting fun places, we have been adventurous that way. I coach/train at a local gym... He's come for a couple private lessons, lol. The most controversial place would be the BS car I've never been to his house though, he has a key to mine
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 There would not be very many situations where the two of us could go away at the same time and it not put up huge red flags. It's been a year and not one opportunity as arisen where that was a possibility. He would love to get a hotel with me got a day and speaks of it often. But I just don't think it's realistic. Small town.. And there isn't anyone here that doesn't know us, closest we could go is an hour away and if we did that it would include a lot of lying on both out parts to get the day.. So don't see it happening any time soon. Why is it possible to do this at your homes then? If its such a small town, wouldnt a neighbour notice this guy coming over all the time? Just curious how meeting at a hotel would be worse than meeting at your home, if its a small town?
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 It's very disrespectful to the spouses. A home is a sanctuary for most people, not just a place they go and eat, sleep, etc. If you've already violated the marriage, please have the discretion to not violate the spouse's personal space. They are human beings and they deserve more respect than that. You indicate you've already changed your value system for the A, so I guess there's probably not much you won't do at this point. We've had people here do it on their kids' beds, if you can believe that. I did read that post. Was grossed out. It's funny how twisted we can be ourselves but there is always something out there that goes beyond what we would do ourselves... Really seems like that. My kids have never been around when anythings happened. And I won't do anything in my own bed again.. It happened once already though. But I can pretty much guarantee it'll happen in our home again.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Why is it possible to do this at your homes then? If its such a small town, wouldnt a neighbour notice this guy coming over all the time? Just curious how meeting at a hotel would be worse than meeting at your home, if its a small town? Like I said.. If we are ever alone .. Other than a few times late at night when I've went to his place when my husband was asleep and she was away.. If we are alone there was a reason for us to be.. Like him dropping something off, or fixing something for us.. We are pretty close friends, everyone knows that. Wouldn't be unusual for his or my vehicle to be at the others home at all. Although if were suddenly alone more often or for longer periods of time then yes, that would be a big red flag. An example would be Monday evening, he stopped by, owed me money for something I had picked up.. My husband was working his wife was away.. Both knew he had stopped by but nothing was asked about the visit and if they had asked we would have said, ya we had a smoke and talked about the day and he left. Which is exactly what happened although we also made out like teenagers and had sex. No lies other than by omission. Although yes, we would have lied if we'd had too.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Obviously I know lying by omission is still lying... I just mean that it's not an elaborate kind of lie that we'd have to create in order to book a hotel, drive an hour away and both have explanations for where we were. We average alone time only once a month so no neighbours have reason to be snoopy really ha ha!
Daisy2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 The front seat of his F-150. He would call me on his way home from work and we would spend a few moments to an hour together once a week, sometimes 2x. In the beginning, he would call me when he was running errands on Saturdays and we'd meet then as well. The 2nd year, he quit the Saturdays. He could never muster the courage for a hotel or other private place, so we had public, but quiet meeting places. It started in his home. His W was out of town and I dropped off some stuff to him not knowing she wasn't home. I realized she was missing when he opened the door. It didn't bother me because we'd been long time friends and co-workers at church. We were just talking and suddenly he said "I could get into trouble with you. Turn to the light so I can see your eyes." He likes my blue eyes. It was kind of dim and the lamp was on. After some awkward talk and apologies from him, I left rather quickly. But, the flame was lit and it took off from there a couple of months later. His W never goes anywhere so no opportunity to go there. Her being gone that time was not typical. The one time there was, he chickened out bc mutual acquaintances live down his street. Certainly not my house. There was always someone home and he hates dogs, says they can sense his fear and dislike. I have a German Shepherd. He brought that up a lot ( my dog).
MissBee Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 We have had sex in my home, and his home.. If we were ever exposed yes this would be horrible for our spouses to learn of but I think the risk of us being found out is very small if we stay on this path.. I've seen people here.. Who are in affairs themselves, come across as disgusted and horrified about sex in the marital home or bed. Where exactly were you meeting? I guess if one of you is single and there are no kids between you that might be easier.. How odd...it seems like you're confused at where would you meet if not at your marital homes, when in fact, it seems like the least smart place to meet. We were LD and when he came to see me he came to my place or sometimes we'd stay at a hotel and although he asked me to stay at his place, as he did not live with his SO, I refused and we also stayed at villas/hotels/vacation apartment.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Once a month?????? Holy cow, that is a very low frequency. You only get laid once a month? How do you do it? That does not sound very sexual to me. With my OM we have averaged once a month, a couple times twice a month for about half the year yes.. I still have sex at home, pretty often, and he does at home too but every few weeks or so. .. Meeting for long enough , totally alone, to have sex too often would be pretty risky in our opinions. Not looking to get caught .. Not worth the risk, we do have kids jobs and lives.. We see each other lots, I like our situation a lot actually.
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 I'm curious what you get from your affair, or rather what is missing in your marriage? Do you ever consider being found out, or is that of no consequence? What is the payoff for risking a marriage you say you don't want to lose? We have a very close friendship and have for years, something that's not completely lacking from our marriages, but definitely it's very different much less compatible and intense.. we both have kids and partners we do love, but married young and are different in a lot of ways from them. Me and him OM are compatible in almost every way. When we can be together we are.. But definitely with lives being busy and family our priority we are careful about when it gets too intense. We text, we talk, we steal kisses.. But we don't go further than that more than once or twice a month on average.. It's been more especially at the beginning, the first few months. Could get that way again but not worth the risk right now. I get a lot out of if.. I love him. Everything about him. I'll settle just being able to see and talk to him for ten minutes some days.
Summer Breeze Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 We met at movies, dinner, walks, vacations, concerts. We dated pretty much. I made it clear at the beginning I wasn't sneaking around and he made it clear the R with me wasn't just about sex. We spent more times together doing every day mundane things than we ever did just having sex.
TheOW Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Never done it in either of our homes my home is my kids home and their fathers so I didn't ever consider it at all. He did however offer to take me back to his house but I felt really uneasy about it and didn't go along, it was his wife's and kids home and I had no place being there. We went to hotels twice a month and we met regularly throughout the week and done it in wherever and whenever we wanted outside (we have lush woodlands and many abandoned castles nearby) we were always out. 1
anne1707 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 We went to hotels twice a month and we met regularly throughout the week and done it in wherever and whenever we wanted outside (we have lush woodlands and many abandoned castles nearby) we were always out. Ouch! The midges tOW! They must have hurt! 2
waterwoman Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Ouch! The midges tOW! They must have hurt! LOL! I did wonder myself. I have spent many a happy hour wandering around Scottish moors and mountains and I was almost always knee deep in bogs and/or bitten to death by midges. Not to mention it rains a lot [wink] Having said that H and I have had a few 'tristes' amongst the heather and gone skinny-dipping in lochs. Romantic yes, but not comfortable..... You and your MM were braver than me theOW 1
TheOW Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Ha ha ha yeah they did !! I was covered in them in the summer time! When I got a huge bite on my *rse it took 2 weeks for the swelling to go down and it was not a pretty sight trying not to scratch ur butt in public was walking rather strangely. Even the insect repellent didn't like us. 3
wanting more Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 We'd never been to each others homes. Although xMM talked often about wanting to come to mine, I just couldn't do that. I had a friend that gave me a key to her house, she worked during the day so we went there lots. Many many local hotel rooms. In the car. At the time we worked together and traveled a lot, so of course more hotels. 1
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