Coping Vortex Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 OK so we have been BU for around 11 months now and NC for over 6 months. (My story is well documented here months ago) The other day I posted something on FB about my son's band, and my ex "liked" it. I never bothered to block her (just unfriended her) from FB because, we were NC anyway. I assumed it was the final end, 6 months ago as we went through periods of NC and contact. One day she wanted me back the next she was staying with the new guy. I gave her an ultimatum she chose him. After that I went NC for good. So why out of the blue would she "like" a post of mine on FB? She made her decision to also go NC too so why even bother? I assumed she had just forgotten me for good and moved on. So why do that??? I have no plans to respond in any way. But I'm curious to know why she would do that out of the blue. If she wanted to reach out she knows where to find me directly, phone or text. So why "like" on FB? Is that some absurd back channel communication to get attention? Ladies, why would YOU do something like that?
I-Love-Liberty Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I'm not a lady but it sounds like a "hey, remember me? I hope this makes him think about me" kind of dumb subtle move that people do. Why she wants you to think about her, who knows. Or maybe she is just being genuinely friendly. Knowing people though, I'd think its more of the "remember me!" thing. 2
im_thedude Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Come on, this is ridiculous. She spent half a second clicking something on the internet. You should expend exactly ZERO effort thinking about it. If she shows up at your doorstep one rainy night, begging for your forgiveness, fine - pay attention to that. She clicked something on Facebook. Big friggen deal! I don't mean to come off as some heartless jerk, but take it from somebody who stupidly spent weeks looking at his ex's social media, laboring over what the things she posted meant and how they might have some bearing on our relationship. It's ridiculous! It's poison! And it has no place in the life of somebody who is trying to move on. Rise above this mere curiosity! Who cares! 2
Author Coping Vortex Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Come on, this is ridiculous. She spent half a second clicking something on the internet. You should expend exactly ZERO effort thinking about it. If she shows up at your doorstep one rainy night, begging for your forgiveness, fine - pay attention to that. She clicked something on Facebook. Big friggen deal! I don't mean to come off as some heartless jerk, but take it from somebody who stupidly spent weeks looking at his ex's social media, laboring over what the things she posted meant and how they might have some bearing on our relationship. It's ridiculous! It's poison! And it has no place in the life of somebody who is trying to move on. Rise above this mere curiosity! Who cares! I hear you, just for the record I NEVER go to her FB at all. And I do disagree with you on one thing, its not like her to just "like" a post for no reason. She took great strides to be and stay NC as much as I have. I would have never posted that. For her to do that means something. It could just mean she thinks we are enough apart now that she can act like just another passing friend that leaves a "like" to a another friends post. But we haven't been apart long enough for her to be some meaningless cordial friend already. That is why I was curious to see why she would do this now. I bet she is getting bored from her new BF and wanted to pull the chain once again as a back channel communique. I do agree if that is what she is doing its not enough for me to respond. I agree it would take much more for me to even consider responding. (like her showing up on my doorstep LOL)
Author Coping Vortex Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I'm not a lady but it sounds like a "hey, remember me? I hope this makes him think about me" kind of dumb subtle move that people do. Why she wants you to think about her, who knows. Or maybe she is just being genuinely friendly. Knowing people though, I'd think its more of the "remember me!" thing. I agree. And that is the question. Just seems so strange out of the blue.
Never Again Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I hear you, just for the record I NEVER go to her FB at all. And I do disagree with you on one thing, its not like her to just "like" a post for no reason. She took great strides to be and stay NC as much as I have. I would have never posted that. For her to do that means something. It could just mean she thinks we are enough apart now that she can act like just another passing friend that leaves a "like" to a another friends post. But we haven't been apart long enough for her to be some meaningless cordial friend already. That is why I was curious to see why she would do this now. I bet she is getting bored from her new BF and wanted to pull the chain once again as a back channel communique. I do agree if that is what she is doing its not enough for me to respond. I agree it would take much more for me to even consider responding. (like her showing up on my doorstep LOL) Sometimes a facebook like is just a facebook like. My ex dropped me out of nowhere, texted me a week later and "liked" a post a week and a half after that (also followed by a text). I had to fight the urge to read into it. All it meant is that she liked whatever the post contained. She supported it. She probably didn't go out if her way to see it, but "liked" it all the same when it popped up on her newsfeed. Yes, maybe she is lonely or looking to reach out...or maybe she's indifferent enough now to look at those posts like a stranger would. You can't know, so better to ignore it. 2
im_thedude Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 (edited) I hear you, just for the record I NEVER go to her FB at all. And I do disagree with you on one thing, its not like her to just "like" a post for no reason. She took great strides to be and stay NC as much as I have. I would have never posted that. For her to do that means something. It could just mean she thinks we are enough apart now that she can act like just another passing friend that leaves a "like" to a another friends post. But we haven't been apart long enough for her to be some meaningless cordial friend already. That is why I was curious to see why she would do this now. I bet she is getting bored from her new BF and wanted to pull the chain once again as a back channel communique. I do agree if that is what she is doing its not enough for me to respond. I agree it would take much more for me to even consider responding. (like her showing up on my doorstep LOL) You shouldn't concern yourself with what she is thinking unless she outright tells you. You know how you feel, and that's that. Yes, every action means *something.* She could have liked your Facebook post because she was extremely high on mescaline and bumped into her keyboard while having an orgy with sixteen giraffes. Or she liked your post specifically with the devious intent on making your mind go wandering. You will never know the true reason why she did it, and it's okay not to know. It's better not to care. Edited October 9, 2013 by im_thedude 1
Zahara Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It could just mean she thinks we are enough apart now that she can act like just another passing friend that leaves a "like" to a another friends post. But we haven't been apart long enough for her to be some meaningless cordial friend already. That is why I was curious to see why she would do this now.) Based on your perception. She's the one that is emotionally unattached to you, therefore the amount of time being apart has no relevance to HER as to whether enough time has passed for YOU to be a cordial friend. I think you're thinking too much about hitting a like on FB. Whatever the reason, it shouldn't be of importance. If she emails or calls you with substance, then that would be the time to question and get advice. Don't place so much emphasis on nothing. 1
JDPT Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Oh yes, it's the delusional and utterly ridiculous world of cyberspace. The short answer is that it means absolutely nothing. The long answer is, reference to previous statement. 1
cavalier99 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Means nothing. Glad your staying NC! Hope your doing well compared to earlier this year. Rock on! Cav 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 PLEASE dont read anymore into this. It seems like you were doing better since you havent been on here very much. It means NOTHING and you should have deleted her a LONG time ago. 2
Petunia20 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I agree with everyone else. She is probably at that point where she thinks its just friendly of her and has no hidden meaning behind it. I know we all wish they somehow showed any type of emotion, regret or any type of feeling on social media. Most of the time its nothing tho. Its like me thinking my ex is still receiving his mail at my house because he wants me to think of him when I get it. I simply think he is too lazy to do a change of address. And i wont break NC just to have him change it. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 I hear you, just for the record I NEVER go to her FB at all. And I do disagree with you on one thing, its not like her to just "like" a post for no reason. She took great strides to be and stay NC as much as I have. I would have never posted that. For her to do that means something. It could just mean she thinks we are enough apart now that she can act like just another passing friend that leaves a "like" to a another friends post. But we haven't been apart long enough for her to be some meaningless cordial friend already. That is why I was curious to see why she would do this now. I bet she is getting bored from her new BF and wanted to pull the chain once again as a back channel communique. I do agree if that is what she is doing its not enough for me to respond. I agree it would take much more for me to even consider responding. (like her showing up on my doorstep LOL) You are devoting way too much thought to a pretty insignificant thing. She might have just liked the picture. I would suggest blocking her if a single like is going to put all of these goofy thoughts in your head. It's those thoughts that can sabotage what seems to be decent progress in your recovery. 2
sjm Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Do not respond. Its pretty immature now but when I was in my teens rather than talking to guys I would try get them to talk to me, and do suttle things like 'liking' a photo or a status and then they would inbox me or something. Just ignore it, if you don't want her back then it's irrelevant, if you do want her back, if she really wants you back she will try harder.
StyleOnEm Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 She got you right where she wants you. Analyzing and thinking about her again. It took her 0.5 seconds to do all that. Ahh, clearly you are not over this chick. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 She got you right where she wants you. Analyzing and thinking about her again. It took her 0.5 seconds to do all that. Ahh, clearly you are not over this chick. No I'm not over her at all. And she is probably not completely over me either. We went out for years it takes some time. years even to truly feel nothing for someone you were that in love with. That being said, I did get to the point that I had already done all I could have done to get her back months ago, and don't expect anything now. I gave up and moved on from trying to get her back. And the fact at this point I don't want her to know I do think about her. I assumed she was in the same place. I know everyone thinks i'm spinning over this but I'm not really. I just found the behavior strange. She went out of her way to ignore me many months ago, and then, so did I. We went full on NC. She did it to move on with her new BF and I did to accept the situation and moved on as well. It doesn't mean I don't miss her and don't think about her from time to time. I just thought she made her decision she was obviously happy with it and chose full NC so why even bother now? I consider "liking" a FB post contact. Lets face it, when someone "likes" a post they are signaling they saw it and at least thought about you for a minute. Someone posted a suggestion that she maybe truly over and thinks on a friend level. Normally I would agree, but knowing her I doubt she is there yet. When you are strict NC why would you do that? That is what prompted me to post on LS. Just makes no sense to me. I am not chasing after at all and I agree that it would take much more than this to get me respond. As far as getting me to think about her. Well sure, why not? Her name popped up of course I am going to think about her just like her liking my post got her to think of me for a minute. Goes both ways. The reason I found this strange is that I have ex's where it was over, we went NC and I never ever heard from them again. That is why I asked on this site why she would bother. No other ex reached out (with the exception of girls I dated many many years ago to catch up to see how our lives turned out).
Zahara Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) Maybe I'm mistaking you for another poster but is this the girl that was playing you and the then boyfriend and finally she chose the other guy? No other ex reached out to you? Did your other exes do what she did? If she was playing two guys at the same time, there's a level of selfishness, emotional immaturity and attention mongering on her part. Contact isn't coming from a good place. She's seeking attention. Even if she is still thinking about you, it isn't based on genuine feelings as you feel for her. She was way there when she chose her boyfriend and 5 months later, I hardly believe she's going through the same emotions of letting go as you are. Edited October 10, 2013 by Zahara
Author Coping Vortex Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Maybe I'm mistaking you for another poster but is this the girl that was playing you and the then boyfriend and finally she chose the other guy? No other ex reached out to you? Did your other exes do what she did? If she was playing two guys at the same time, there's a level of selfishness, emotional immaturity and attention mongering on her part. Contact isn't coming from a good place. She's seeking attention. Even if she is still thinking about you, it isn't based on genuine feelings as you feel for her. She was way there when she chose her boyfriend and 5 months later, I hardly believe she's going through the same emotions of letting go as you are. If you mean she wanted to get back with me after a few months of being with the BF then yes that was me. In fact in March she said I was the one she wanted to be with. She realized she missed me and I was better for her and she still really loved me. She had been caught up in the excitement of someone new at the time. (just for the record she only left me because she thought i wasn't going to truly be with her and move in with her. So i don't fault her as I stalled for many months. I guess she felt she had to try to move on If i wasn't going to take it to next step. But there were other issues that prevented from me moving forward at that time. (her ex husband was stalking us for one) But that is another story. But that is why I am not totally bitter, she thought she had to do what she did but on the other hand I feel if you love someone you go to the end of the earth to work through things and make it work. But.......then she found she was pregnant by him. She was embarrassed and sad and couldn't face me she felt too ashamed. She was a mess of emotions at that time. In the end he supported her during this time (she lost the baby) and I think that support pushed her to give herself over to him in the end. It was a series of tragic events that caused our BU. We both loved each other very much but circumstances took its toll. There is a lot more to that story but again I already documented that many months ago. I do agree she is seeking attention now though.
reddragon588 Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 In all honesty, it's Facebook. On the list of importance, it falls somewhere between Kim Kardashians wedding and when the new season of Duck Dynasty begins. The most thought she put into what she did was "will this bother him?" The most likely amount of thought she out into it was "oh nice!" You're way over analyzing this. I would put my thought into much more fruitful exercises 2
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