Art Vandalay Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 l'm going through something very similar. my off and on girlfriend of the last year and a half broke up with me again last weekend. lt was out of nowhere, the day before, we were hanging out and she told me she loved me so much and was afraid that l would leave her, then the next day she says she wants to break up because she wanted to hook up with some other guy in a frat. And that she doesn't love me anymore and when she goes out with her friends she stops caring about me (brutal l know) She just got up to college and joined a sorority. she has completely flipped from the person l used to know.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 l'm going through something very similar. my off and on girlfriend of the last year and a half broke up with me again last weekend. lt was out of nowhere, the day before, we were hanging out and she told me she loved me so much and was afraid that l would leave her, then the next day she says she wants to break up because she wanted to hook up with some other guy in a frat. And that she doesn't love me anymore and when she goes out with her friends she stops caring about me (brutal l know) She just got up to college and joined a sorority. she has completely flipped from the person l used to know. Mine is only different because we are about to leave college in a year. I mean I know you probably care a whole lot about this girl. College is such a free time. I knew I wanted to be single freshman year, I was also in a frat. Keep your head up and chug along. She is obviously immature if she just wants to sleep with some young frat dude because I gurantee he just wants to sleep with her. They don't want relationships. It's funny because two weeks after he did this she told her sister she was missing me. Their heart will catch up with their actions one day man. Just smile knowing that day is going to be a glorious one for you. I looked at this situation I'm in as kind of a relief. I know I don't want a girl like that. Why would I let that then effect my happiness/emotions. Naw she isn't gonna take that from me.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I do feel like BU's like this, were the ex immediately jumps into the sack with another guy makes them feel extremely guilty later in life. It also obviously shows the immaturity in the ex. I'm a firm believer that one day the reach out with all the regret they have been holding and all the wrong they have done. I wouldn't take my ex back due to the face that we both know this guy and she was talking to him before our relationship started and I kind of swooped in and stole her from him. She was to the point in our relationship, before the breakup, that she wanted to go look at apartments together so we could move in after we graduated college. She also told me she had been waiting for God to send me into her life and I was a miracle. All of this sounds like love, but love doesn't break up with you and immediately go sleep with a guy that seemingly broke up with his GF the same day she did. A little back story: I did lie about something and she caught me in it. It wasn't cheating but it was something very petty and dumb. I shouldn't have lied. She used this as her opportunity to get out of the relationship and probably to suppress her guilt. I know this will catch up to her. The guy she is sleeping with is having sex with other girls besides my ex at this time. He also graduates this December and she doesn't until next year. 1
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 BARF! Im sorry she did that. Any advice?
reddragon588 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Any advice? The only advice is to move on. There's nothing you can do unfortunately. And find a way to go NC. If you found out about this you aren't in NC. Even if she initiated it.
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I do feel like BU's like this, were the ex immediately jumps into the sack with another guy makes them feel extremely guilty later in life. It also obviously shows the immaturity in the ex. I'm a firm believer that one day the reach out with all the regret they have been holding and all the wrong they have done. I wouldn't take my ex back due to the face that we both know this guy and she was talking to him before our relationship started and I kind of swooped in and stole her from him. She was to the point in our relationship, before the breakup, that she wanted to go look at apartments together so we could move in after we graduated college. She also told me she had been waiting for God to send me into her life and I was a miracle. All of this sounds like love, but love doesn't break up with you and immediately go sleep with a guy that seemingly broke up with his GF the same day she did. A little back story: I did lie about something and she caught me in it. It wasn't cheating but it was something very petty and dumb. I shouldn't have lied. She used this as her opportunity to get out of the relationship and probably to suppress her guilt. I know this will catch up to her. The guy she is sleeping with is having sex with other girls besides my ex at this time. He also graduates this December and she doesn't until next year. You are right. Once she decided to break up she used the slightest excuse to break up. Then the guilt is transferred to you while she feels free to move on. My ex did that to me too. You asked for advice, you read Barky's thread didn't you? The best thing you can do is disappear from her world completely so you can heal and move. Maybe she will regret things later on, maybe not, but once your over it you may not care one way or the other.
malin819 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 How long till she noticed she was an idiot? I've been a month of NC. Funny she told me she loved me the day before she did it. don't even bother its not worth it because even IF you get back together you'll that thought behind your head that will always come when you guys arguee. Seriously go out with some friends and meet new people. Regain your confidence and value and don't you even dare speak to her. Want to look like the desperate guy with no balls that went back with a girl that slept with someone else next day of BU? Do you really want to be that guy? Now before you take any actions always take a step back and use your brain and not your emotions.
cereal_dater Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I feel ya.. I'm in the same boat so your story hit close to home. Ex and I split late in August but really nothing changed so I assumed it was just a mini-breakup. Then she joins online dating and it wasn't long before she had a date. Saturday they went out, and while she denies sleeping with him, I'm about 90% sure she did. It stings, but we all know that women rebounding are quick to jump in the sack. The last few days she has been very cold and communication is dwindling, I've been way too available, so today I pull back hard and make her wonder about me. My ego wants to try to pull her back, and since I'm not hurting much anymore, why not. Agree with the others on your girl.. she branch swung to the other guy and I doubt that was the first time they hooked up. Would you buy a car without test driving it? 1
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 don't even bother its not worth it because even IF you get back together you'll that thought behind your head that will always come when you guys arguee. Seriously go out with some friends and meet new people. Regain your confidence and value and don't you even dare speak to her. Want to look like the desperate guy with no balls that went back with a girl that slept with someone else next day of BU? Do you really want to be that guy? Now before you take any actions always take a step back and use your brain and not your emotions. I won't be that guy because even if she begged and pleaded I couldn't do it. I don't want those qualities in a girl I was gonna give my life to one day. She did this and that reflects on her. She needs to pay for her actions and unfortunately that means she can't get me back.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 You are right. Once she decided to break up she used the slightest excuse to break up. Then the guilt is transferred to you while she feels free to move on. My ex did that to me too. You asked for advice, you read Barky's thread didn't you? The best thing you can do is disappear from her world completely so you can heal and move. Maybe she will regret things later on, maybe not, but once your over it you may not care one way or the other. Yah Barkys thread got me to where I am now. Really helped when I was lost and confused. I would have never know the power of NC if it wasn't for him. I'm not emotional anymore, I honestly laugh when I think about her breaking up with me knowing there is a guy she was waitin to be with. I even asked her if there was someone else. She said, "No an it's rude you would even ask me tha!" Lmao bye b**** 2
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 I feel ya.. I'm in the same boat so your story hit close to home. Ex and I split late in August but really nothing changed so I assumed it was just a mini-breakup. Then she joins online dating and it wasn't long before she had a date. Saturday they went out, and while she denies sleeping with him, I'm about 90% sure she did. It stings, but we all know that women rebounding are quick to jump in the sack. The last few days she has been very cold and communication is dwindling, I've been way too available, so today I pull back hard and make her wonder about me. My ego wants to try to pull her back, and since I'm not hurting much anymore, why not. Agree with the others on your girl.. she branch swung to the other guy and I doubt that was the first time they hooked up. Would you buy a car without test driving it? Yah I've been taking the advice I get in here to heart. Just go quite in her dude! Show her your better off alone than with a manipulative b****. I know personally I can have whoever I want. I just wanted it to be her for the longest time.
lauri Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Sadly I could totally see this taking place in my situation. My ex was at a party the night of our last phone call. Bunch of guys there, everyone drinking... next day a picture was uploaded of her, her roommate, her roommate's boy toy and some other guy all with their arms around each other. Don't know if anything happened with him or not, but my gut tells me she couldn't have held out very long with someone new giving her attention. I know that's not who she wants to be. I don't know whether or not a rebound relationship would last for her, she may "make it work" for however long but I know she has unresolved relationship issues. I find some peace of mind knowing she wasn't ready to build the kind of relationship I want, and probably not even the one she really wants. -_- That's so typical of a girl after a relationship....posting photos with other guys lol. This is y u need to block and delete.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Thanks all the advice and feedback. No one deserves what we are going through.
maturityassets Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Don't fret man. Girls at this age often lose attraction and the first sign of "imperfection". Same thing with my ex girlfriend. Very passionate relationship and looking for apartments and etc. But then we got into a bumper to bumper car accident that was largely my fault for us being to caught in conversation at a red light and it caused me to hit a taxi driver in front of me who was making a left. After that she was never the same. It wasn't a big accident, insurance wasn't even needed, but i was worried about what my parents would generally think so when it happened a big yell of frustration came out when i slammed the steering wheel. She said she never thought she would ever see me that mad. 2 months later our relationship ended as she could no longer look past or forgive my faults. She then decided she wanted to party more and hooked up with guys a week after our break up. Everything is fine though, we are both only 20 and we both ended up in different relationships and I know I met someone who is a lot more realistic in their view of how "perfect" their partner should be. So don't beat yourself up about this. She'll have her fun but eventually she'll grow up and realize the necessity of empathy and forgiveness that is needed in relationships. Best of luck
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 Don't fret man. Girls at this age often lose attraction and the first sign of "imperfection". Same thing with my ex girlfriend. Very passionate relationship and looking for apartments and etc. But then we got into a bumper to bumper car accident that was largely my fault for us being to caught in conversation at a red light and it caused me to hit a taxi driver in front of me who was making a left. After that she was never the same. It wasn't a big accident, insurance wasn't even needed, but i was worried about what my parents would generally think so when it happened a big yell of frustration came out when i slammed the steering wheel. She said she never thought she would ever see me that mad. 2 months later our relationship ended as she could no longer look past or forgive my faults. She then decided she wanted to party more and hooked up with guys a week after our break up. Everything is fine though, we are both only 20 and we both ended up in different relationships and I know I met someone who is a lot more realistic in their view of how "perfect" their partner should be. So don't beat yourself up about this. She'll have her fun but eventually she'll grow up and realize the necessity of empathy and forgiveness that is needed in relationships. Best of luck I mean I found out she was lied about sleeping with him before our relationship. She also told me she wasn't going to hook up with anyone and that it was rude of me to assume that. Lol I haven't spoken to her since. I'm just gonna put it behind me. Even if guilt caught up with he immature a** one day I wouldn't take her back. Don't trust we anymore and I think that is a scummy thing to do to someone that she wanted to be with forever.
loversquarrel Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 Do yourself a favor and stop mentioning how this girl was the "one". She didn't love you correctly, and be thankful she effed up the way she did now, before you were married. My ex wife screwed around on me just before we were engaged, I had no idea and didn't discover it until 14 yrs. and two children later. Just think of how awful it could have been.... I have to be honest with you, I think I am more pissed off with hearing how PIOUS she was toward you. Punishing you for a lie that didn't add up to a betrayal, using that to break up so she could have a nice little built in excuse that she didn't technically "cheat". Well what she did is worse, what she did was deplorable. If she wanted to break up, fine, but she chose to make you the scapegoat...you can do much, much better. Her true character has been revealed and you are lucky to have witnessed her for what she really is.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) Do yourself a favor and stop mentioning how this girl was the "one". She didn't love you correctly, and be thankful she effed up the way she did now, before you were married. My ex wife screwed around on me just before we were engaged, I had no idea and didn't discover it until 14 yrs. and two children later. Just think of how awful it could have been.... I have to be honest with you, I think I am more pissed off with hearing how PIOUS she was toward you. Punishing you for a lie that didn't add up to a betrayal, using that to break up so she could have a nice little built in excuse that she didn't technically "cheat". Well what she did is worse, what she did was deplorable. If she wanted to break up, fine, but she chose to make you the scapegoat...you can do much, much better. Her true character has been revealed and you are lucky to have witnessed her for what she really is. No I agree with you 100% she used me as a scapegoat to help her guilt. I wouldn't take her back if she came begging on all fours everyday for a year. After the deceitful acts of how she has carried herself after the break up, I have decided just gonna apply what I learned into my next relationship. Her and the guy she hooked up with have had sex before I met her. She lied about that also. She is only 21 and not anywhere near the kind of person I would even want in my life. All my friends said one day it's gonna dawn on her what she did. That will be revenge enough. Also, the guy she has been screwing graduates in December. She is full retard. Edited October 11, 2013 by Turnandcough
loversquarrel Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 She is a facade, and you will find someone much better. When she tries to come back remind her of who the true liar is.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Go read through the G.I.G.S. thread. Sadly, what you experienced is expected. I've read it multiple times. Most of the time with G.I.G.S. They realize what they did wrong and try to come back. I just want to continue NC through this time since I am done with her. I love her yes and it's hard to say I don't want to be with her again, how she has acted during the BU has sealed tht for me. Everyone keeps telling me prepare for the crawling back phase and I just wanna make sure I have the right mind set going into it.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 update So I'm at about 4.5 weeks NC and wanted to share my feelings and thoughts. After everything I have found out about what my ex has done since the break up, I have realized a couple things for myself. I realize I don't want anything to do with a girl that could possibly act the way we has. Those characteristics only came out when she was done with me and I have gotten to see her for who she really is. I still see her out at the bars and the last time I did I was with a bunch of my buddies having a great time. She walked in and saw me, went straight to the bar. This is the first time I didn't care she was there. I had a lot of girls around me talkin and flirting with me. I kept seeing her look at me and then she would try to go flirt with some dudes. After realizing I don't want her it has been so easy to let go. I have no guilt or remorse for what I did because I am human and we all make mistakes. She not only lost me, but she has put a seal and stamp on it through her actions. NC has been huge for me and I only wish she would contact me so I can **** her down. I know it's not nice but I kinda want that satisfaction. Sometimes I feel like taking a step back and looking at the person as they really are changes out perspective immensely. I hope she is happy being single and partying. I an at least say I Loved her enough to respect her and also let go of her. For all you in a fresh BU, take the time to grieve but also step out of your emotions and look at the person your torturing yourself over. Don't feel rejected because they wanted you more than anyone at one point. Your the same person and the only thing this is goin to do is make you stronger than ever. I am using this time as my own freedom to do exactly what she wanted to do and have fun and meet new people. Her actions are reflecting on her own character. Not mine.
crederer Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Sorry to hear that man. That sounds quite harsh. Never been in that situation. Had a girl cheat but to be honest I think that helped me get over her faster. But if my most recent ex did that I'd be pretty crushed. There really isn't any advice that doesn't fit into the cliche'd responses that you've probably already heard a million times .They're cliches because there is truth to them, even though right now in this moment, they're not likely the kind of answers you want to hear.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Going through sorta the same thing man, I to never want to associate myself with a girl like yours or mine. Keep moving forward, I'm at 3 weeks no contact. I have no urge to contact her, but it's sad to see who she turned into. Gonna keep going on with my life and forget about her. Only thing you and I can do! Yah it's just said that she would rather run and find someone knew instead of work on the problem. Guess she isn't the person I thought she was. Like I said, now that I know who she really is and how she acts when the first sign if imperfection arises, I want no part of her. I've been moving in pretty well and getting back to me. Except this time I am going to be an even better version of myself.
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