Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 My ex (21) and I (23) both still in college had Ben together or about 7 months and it was a very very intense 7 months. We both were crazy in live with each other. She even told me that we need to go look at apartments together so when we graduate we can move in together. We spent pretty much every night together over the summer and that's the way she wanted it. Well recently her roommates moved back since summer break was over and they are all young and single. This semester something went wrong with my school loans and I ended up having to attend a small junior college, in the same town, due to lack if finances. I ended up continuing to tell her I still went to the university and long story short she ended up finding out. I know it was a petty lie and a character flaw on my part, I realized I care what people think too much and was ashamed I didn't have the money. Of course this hurt her as she felt betrayed that I couldn't tell her about this. She ended up breaking things off with me saying I still love you but I can't be with you. A couple weeks before she caught me in this lie, she was always wanting to have girls nights and go have fun with her friends since this is out last year in college. I agreed and told her that it's completely cool and I would just hang with my friends those nights. This week before school starts is a huge party week, tons of pool parties, going out, etc. We both bickered this week due to excess alcohol intake (mostly on my side). She said this week I was being a bad clingy. I agreed I did this but I knew I wasn't clingy due to the fact that she wouldn't let me go one night without wanting to do everything with me while her friends were out of town. This is just extra info. We met a week after she told me she couldn't be with me right now and talked things over. I apologize and explained why I had done it, didn't cry/beg. I asked her what she wanted from us. She said," you're not going to like the answer." I told her I respected her decision hugged and left. Emotion set in when I got home and texted her a ton of I wanna fight for us and wouldn't give up on us. She stopped texting back and I sent probably 10 more texts before I gave up and said ill stop bugging you. It's been 1 month of NC so far and I haven't heard a peep out of her. Her sister has said she was missing me around 2 weeks of Nc since we see each other at tailgates etc. Since we share a lot of mutual friends, her bestfriend and this girls boyfriend, which is one of my good buddies, told me at a bar one night that she is done with me and is currently talking to someone else 3 weeks later. I know this is to help her rebound and forget about our relationship, which I know she can't. We shared an insane bond. I kinda see this as she was getting G.I.G.S. And used my lie as a window of opportunity to leave me to go party and be single. Which she has been doing a lot. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice or input on this situation. I am doing pretty well moving on for myself and obviously still not over her but continuing to push along. I've focused all my attention to my new job I just got and also to working out even harder, also to my school. I'm still having some ups and downs as though I miss her a lot since we were best friends and shared a lot of memories and time together. I just can't see my lie as being a means to cutting off love, even though I know it breaks trust and she is questioning all other aspects of our relationship now. I hadn't lied to he about anything else. I know her roommates are pushing her towards this new guy since they all party together and I know they are talking bad about me since they even completely ignore me in public.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Just to add about how she felt about me. She would say how she can't wait to start a life with me and how I was a gift from God. Even after the break up she said I treated her like a princess. Her family absolutely loves me and her mom was already saving for the wedding (even though I'm not near ready to get married). It was insane how comfortable she was with me and we did so much together. She removed me from all social networks and I blocked her from mine. She also removed all the photo of us from everything. I just wanted to add in this data.
coolheadal Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 She's at the early stage of 21 plus she's loves to party. No matter what you need to drop this and move on to find someone else. This girl clearly has moved on already and going after someone else. Just can't play games with girls today everything should be on the table (no lies) because once you do? You clearly see the end results.
todreaminblue Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I dont understand someone who over a small lie would end a relationship that she professed to be enamoured of.....so it was obviously on her mind to call it off......i dont think you are the only one telling lies...........your lie wasnt a betrayal it was stupid yes...betrayal no...you should be able to feel you can tell a gf anything...but you held back....i am sorry that it is over.....i wish you peace....deb
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 She's at the early stage of 21 plus she's loves to party. No matter what you need to drop this and move on to find someone else. This girl clearly has moved on already and going after someone else. Just can't play games with girls today everything should be on the table (no lies) because once you do? You clearly see the end results. Yah I've def. learned people would still love me for every aspect of my life. I could tell a week before the split things weren't as they should have been. We fought a lot and most ended up in only of us leaving and pin home alone. I've let go of false hope and her best friend told me it was over. I know she would know because they talk about everything. Thanks for the input. Sometimes I need reassurance.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 I dont understand someone who over a small lie would end a relationship that she professed to be enamoured of.....so it was obviously on her mind to call it off......i dont think you are the only one telling lies...........your lie wasnt a betrayal it was stupid yes...betrayal no...you should be able to feel you can tell a gf anything...but you held back....i am sorry that it is over.....i wish you peace....deb Thanks for the comments! Yah I know that's why I've been so confused lately. I've already decided by how she just picked up and ran from the first sign of imperfection from me that she is too immature for a real relationship. I'm normally one to get over someone or do the dumping. I'm just baffled by her actions honestly. She would even consider her dog our child. I was even there for her when her ex BF from like 2 years ago died in a motorcycle accident. I encouraged her dreams and opened up new ideas for future careers for her. It was insane the feelings I had for her. I still remember the first night we both said I love you. Happened literally at the same time. 1
Polak Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Looks like you're doing alright so far (as far as moving on goes). I'm going to agree with the previous posters that it seems weird for her to end everything based on a little lie on your part, so there must be more to the story. Although it's hard because your love seemed to be so strong, it's obviously best to leave it all behind you. Considering she is 21, she is possibly just looking to experience once the single life and all its glory. Who knows! 1
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Looks like you're doing alright so far (as far as moving on goes). I'm going to agree with the previous posters that it seems weird for her to end everything based on a little lie on your part, so there must be more to the story. Although it's hard because your love seemed to be so strong, it's obviously best to leave it all behind you. Considering she is 21, she is possibly just looking to experience once the single life and all its glory. Who knows! Yah I have my ups and downs. The downs come more from her treating me so cold. Idk what the future holds or if I will ever hear from her again but I know I've learned quite a bit from this relationship. She has def. made me a lot more guarded and I will take things a lot slower from now on. Hope one day she realizes what she has done but hopefully by then I'll be long over her and we can just be friends.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Another note: She is questioning if I ever went to the university In the first place. Which I have but I just think she isn't ready for a long relationship.
lylat333 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Turnandcough, your story has a lot of similarities to mine. I'm sorry to hear, I know how rough it is too. When my ex and I stopped being in contact it was extremely abrupt, and it really felt like she was grasping at straws to give a reason for why she didn't think we should be together. We were in a limbo phase at the time, I wanted to be bf/gf again i.e. Facebook official and all. Our downfall also happened a little before the new semester started, and coincidentally her roommate had also just broken up w/ her boyfriend of 7 months who also lived with them. A week before my ex and I truly broke up, she was already getting pulled back into the party/bar scene by her roommate. The things that totally confuse me are 1) she told me multiple times her recent outings were just, "OK" like she didn't even enjoy it and 2) I asked her straight up twice if there was someone else she was interested in and she said, "no". For a while I totally believed her and never considered the possibility she may have been lying to me. We stayed honest with each other... why would she lie to me at that point? But, when I look back at how everything went down and the sudden complete silence on her part, I'm pretty much convinced there was someone else in the picture and she couldn't bring herself to admit it to me. I don't think she wanted anyone to know. I also got along very well with all of her friends and family, they all loved me, said I was the best boyfriend she ever had etc. so I think they would have looked down on her if she left me to go to someone else immediately. My ex also had a previous boyfriend who passed away a year or two before I met her. I felt like she was not only able to move past that but that we were truly in love with each other so to see us become estranged killed me. I can't believe she has remained so cold. But enough about me! Bottom line is... yes, you lied and it was wrong but it doesn't warrant a breakup if everything else is going well. I agree I think she used it as a poor excuse to bail. She is pretty young probably feels if she leaves you she's going to find the perfect man somewhere in the sea of partying and being out. It sounds like you are moving on and keeping a positive attitude which is very admirable. Just know that whatever she does is a reflection of her, not you. Try not to drive yourself crazy expecting her to get back in touch anytime soon. You really never know. I'm on day 74 of not having heard from my ex, I never imagined it would be this long but here I am. I promise NC is the way to go and there is no good reason to ever initiate contact w/ her unless it's way down the road. I tried to fight within reason at the end, tried to put out olive branches, some smoke signals... it accomplished nothing. You did the right thing blocking her. Before blocking my ex, I removed all the pictures of her, she did the same thing within 24 hours of me doing it. Thank goodness I blocked her on fb before she unfriended/blocked me. The least painful thing has been successfully shutting her out of my life, not having to ever interact with mutual friends or ever hear any information about her. Wish you the best, man.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Turnandcough, your story has a lot of similarities to mine. I'm sorry to hear, I know how rough it is too. When my ex and I stopped being in contact it was extremely abrupt, and it really felt like she was grasping at straws to give a reason for why she didn't think we should be together. We were in a limbo phase at the time, I wanted to be bf/gf again i.e. Facebook official and all. Our downfall also happened a little before the new semester started, and coincidentally her roommate had also just broken up w/ her boyfriend of 7 months who also lived with them. A week before my ex and I truly broke up, she was already getting pulled back into the party/bar scene by her roommate. The things that totally confuse me are 1) she told me multiple times her recent outings were just, "OK" like she didn't even enjoy it and 2) I asked her straight up twice if there was someone else she was interested in and she said, "no". For a while I totally believed her and never considered the possibility she may have been lying to me. We stayed honest with each other... why would she lie to me at that point? But, when I look back at how everything went down and the sudden complete silence on her part, I'm pretty much convinced there was someone else in the picture and she couldn't bring herself to admit it to me. I don't think she wanted anyone to know. I also got along very well with all of her friends and family, they all loved me, said I was the best boyfriend she ever had etc. so I think they would have looked down on her if she left me to go to someone else immediately. My ex also had a previous boyfriend who passed away a year or two before I met her. I felt like she was not only able to move past that but that we were truly in love with each other so to see us become estranged killed me. I can't believe she has remained so cold. But enough about me! Bottom line is... yes, you lied and it was wrong but it doesn't warrant a breakup if everything else is going well. I agree I think she used it as a poor excuse to bail. She is pretty young probably feels if she leaves you she's going to find the perfect man somewhere in the sea of partying and being out. It sounds like you are moving on and keeping a positive attitude which is very admirable. Just know that whatever she does is a reflection of her, not you. Try not to drive yourself crazy expecting her to get back in touch anytime soon. You really never know. I'm on day 74 of not having heard from my ex, I never imagined it would be this long but here I am. I promise NC is the way to go and there is no good reason to ever initiate contact w/ her unless it's way down the road. I tried to fight within reason at the end, tried to put out olive branches, some smoke signals... it accomplished nothing. You did the right thing blocking her. Before blocking my ex, I removed all the pictures of her, she did the same thing within 24 hours of me doing it. Thank goodness I blocked her on fb before she unfriended/blocked me. The least painful thing has been successfully shutting her out of my life, not having to ever interact with mutual friends or ever hear any information about her. Wish you the best, man. Wow! Our stories are almost identical lol. She kept saying how I lied about something so big and she needed time. She is insanely attracted to me, along with a multitude of other women. Not trying to sound cocky, I just hear it a lot. That's why I'm not completely torn up over it. Yes I did grieve and yesterday was an unexpected emotional day for me. I know she is in a kinda of stressful place in her life, tryin to figure out her job situation after college and what not. I know she still cares about me because a week after we broke up I was going out and she texted me not to make any bad decision (like it was within her control again lol). The only thing I wish I didn't do was beg the day she broke up with me. I guess one day isn't too bad compared to some threads I read that spam them with calls and texts for months after. I do have some questions. We live in the same apartment complex and we also see each other all over town. Grocery store, bars, tailgates, etc. Also, I am gonna be going to a concert with some friends at a bar the 19tg and I know she is going to be there. We have been ignoring each other when we see each other out. Should I just keep up the ignoring? Maybe smile if we run into each other? It is going to be a really fun concert and hopefully I'll be meeting some dimes out there. A lot of people would say not go but I can't run from every place she goes because it's just as much my town as hers.
lylat333 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Wish I could say my ex was still insanely attracted to me, but she told me to my face the last time I saw her she wasn't attracted to me anymore. Baffled me because my physical appearance hasn't gone down and we were plenty attracted to each other while together. But I felt the same way to my other ex I broke up with, and I know attraction can come back so I didn't let it get to me... it was based on emotions, not anything physical. (I look at my other ex and think she's beautiful) Happens when they feel attracted to/infatuated with someone else. I got pretty upset the last night she stayed over. I cried and held her her tight all night, barely slept a wink. I think it just annoyed her more than anything. How I acted that night and the next day are my biggest regrets but my neediness/begging was pretty much confined to a 24-hour period... I try to tell myself it's not as bad as what other people do. I kinda wish I didn't write her a letter and like/comment on a FB picture of hers, neither of which she acknowledged afterwards but those were the last times she ever heard from me. At least I have peace of mind knowing there's no reason whatsoever for me to break NC. As far as being out... hey, if you don't mind being out in the same places, go for it. If it were me I wouldn't even acknowledge her existence. She shut you out... all being friendly does is ease the dumper's guilt for leaving you. imo what hurts the dumper the most is the dumpee exhibiting no desire or need for the dumper's existence or approval. If you get to the point you've REALLY moved on and don't care what she does or who she's with, then you can smile when you see her or something like that, as a friend would.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 So I've got some news. I come to find out that she slept with a guy the day after she told me she wanted to break up. This guy had also just broken up with his GF and he is the one who let me know. Wow! Still in shock because she told me the day before she did this tht she loved me. What a b****. I don't take people back like that ever. 1
lylat333 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Man, that's messed up. Enjoy coming out of this smelling like roses. You know you deserve much better and won't have to give any more of your heart to someone like her. Hope she enjoys her new "relationship"... sounds like a disaster. Also another good reason for dumpees to go NC... chances are if you knew all the thoughts and actions that culminated in a your ex deciding to breakup you would cringe at the thought of trying to stay in contact or be friends.
lylat333 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Sadly I could totally see this taking place in my situation. My ex was at a party the night of our last phone call. Bunch of guys there, everyone drinking... next day a picture was uploaded of her, her roommate, her roommate's boy toy and some other guy all with their arms around each other. Don't know if anything happened with him or not, but my gut tells me she couldn't have held out very long with someone new giving her attention. I know that's not who she wants to be. I don't know whether or not a rebound relationship would last for her, she may "make it work" for however long but I know she has unresolved relationship issues. I find some peace of mind knowing she wasn't ready to build the kind of relationship I want, and probably not even the one she really wants. -_-
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Sadly I could totally see this taking place in my situation. My ex was at a party the night of our last phone call. Bunch of guys there, everyone drinking... next day a picture was uploaded of her, her roommate, her roommate's boy toy and some other guy all with their arms around each other. Don't know if anything happened with him or not, but my gut tells me she couldn't have held out very long with someone new giving her attention. I know that's not who she wants to be. I don't know whether or not a rebound relationship would last for her, she may "make it work" for however long but I know she has unresolved relationship issues. I find some peace of mind knowing she wasn't ready to build the kind of relationship I want, and probably not even the one she really wants. -_- At this point hearing that gave me the last thing I needed to stop caring. I know she doesn't want to be that girl either. It's funny because I actually heard all these details from the guy she is hooking up withstand ex girlfriend (they broke up at the same time, convieniant huh?) I can't believe she had the guys to lie straight to my face the same day she hooked up with him. I guess that makes us even in her mind huh?
lylat333 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Who knows if she thought she was justified in lying to you. But I think the guilt of such poor decisions would catch up to most normal people. I would hate to not be very proud of how my relationship with someone got started. Why would the guy be telling you the details? Like he's proud of it or something? I don't get that at all, yuck. Sounds like a lot of immaturity... I hope you remain steadfast in NC. If their relationship doesn't last (and I honestly doubt it will...) I hope you will be ready to handle the possibility of her trying to get back in contact with you. Sounds like you have other fun stuff going on... friends and things to do so I think you will do well.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Who knows if she thought she was justified in lying to you. But I think the guilt of such poor decisions would catch up to most normal people. I would hate to not be very proud of how my relationship with someone got started. Why would the guy be telling you the details? Like he's proud of it or something? I don't get that at all, yuck. Sounds like a lot of immaturity... I hope you remain steadfast in NC. If their relationship doesn't last (and I honestly doubt it will...) I hope you will be ready to handle the possibility of her trying to get back in contact with you. Sounds like you have other fun stuff going on... friends and things to do so I think you will do well. He hasn't been the one to tell me. His ex GF reached out to me and told me all this. Haha if she does try, she is in for a ride awakening. Also, he graduates I'm December and she has another year left along with me. Guilt will set in and that will be the only revenge I am going to use on her. The best revenge is being happy and livin life despite all her own downfalls.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 So my ex broke up with me about a month and a week ago. Those who know my story, she is 21 as I'm 23 and we dated for about 8 months. I found out yesterday that my ex has slept with this dude a day after she ended things with me. The crazy thing is, he also dumped his GF the same day. Our relationship was very intense and loving. She pretty much used a petty lie I told her as a window of opportunity to get out of the relationship. We both are in college and she recently had all of her (single, young) roommates come back into town. Since the BU it's been a complete 180 from the girl I used to know. Yes we partied all the time but she "liked" hangin out on dates and chilling at home more. I just wanted to share this with some of y'all because I know seeing your ex hook up with someone so short after the BU can be painful. I've learned tht this has actually helped me move on the most and learned to let her actions reflect on her. She is immature and so is the guy she has been hooking up with. Don't let it ruin your days because being mad at the isn't ruining theirs.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Ouch! Sorry to hear that happened to you. Sucks that they didn't even mourn the loss of you or the relationship. How did you learn about this? Has she even tried to make contact with you?
malin819 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 So my ex broke up with me about a month and a week ago. Those who know my story, she is 21 as I'm 23 and we dated for about 8 months. I found out yesterday that my ex has slept with this dude a day after she ended things with me. The crazy thing is, he also dumped his GF the same day. Our relationship was very intense and loving. She pretty much used a petty lie I told her as a window of opportunity to get out of the relationship. We both are in college and she recently had all of her (single, young) roommates come back into town. Since the BU it's been a complete 180 from the girl I used to know. Yes we partied all the time but she "liked" hangin out on dates and chilling at home more. I just wanted to share this with some of y'all because I know seeing your ex hook up with someone so short after the BU can be painful. I've learned tht this has actually helped me move on the most and learned to let her actions reflect on her. She is immature and so is the guy she has been hooking up with. Don't let it ruin your days because being mad at the isn't ruining theirs. my ex did the same thing a few times and I always took her back Move on buddy...life is too short and now the trust barrier is broken
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Ouch! Sorry to hear that happened to you. Sucks that they didn't even mourn the loss of you or the relationship. How did you learn about this? Has she even tried to make contact with you? It's funny actually. The guy who she is sleeping with broke up with his GF the same time. She reached out and told me everything. No I've been in Nc for over a month now. She hasn't reached out at all.
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 my ex did the same thing a few times and I always took her back Move on buddy...life is too short and now the trust barrier is broken How long till she noticed she was an idiot? I've been a month of NC. Funny she told me she loved me the day before she did it.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It's funny actually. The guy who she is sleeping with broke up with his GF the same time. She reached out and told me everything. No I've been in Nc for over a month now. She hasn't reached out at all. Geez, what the hell was her motivation in telling you that?!?!! Dude, this chick is a hot mess. Seem TOO convenient that they just BOTH happened to be available on the same exact day. This was planned from the jump. She didn't love you....sorry, but that was most definitely planned. At that time she valued the prospect of sleeping with this guy over your relationship. That's not love. 1
Author Turnandcough Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Geez, what the hell was her motivation in telling you that?!?!! Dude, this chick is a hot mess. Seem TOO convenient that they just BOTH happened to be available on the same exact day. This was planned from the jump. She didn't love you....sorry, but that was most definitely planned. At that time she valued the prospect of sleeping with this guy over your relationship. That's not love. She is the best actress I've ever met if she never loved me. Yah it doesn't show any love at all. It's cool I can do better than her anyway. This has happened to me before and the last girl tried to crawl back to me about 3 months later.
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