Jay1986 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Im just gonna try and cut a long story short. My girlfriend was out with friends 8 months ago at a house party and she was slipped something in her drink and woke up in a strange bed with no clothes. After tests they found the date rape drug in her system and found DNA from a man who has recently been convicted. It been a very traumatic experience for her and I've stood by her through it all. She says she's just glad she can't remember a thing, she has refused to see a councillor though which I've tried to tell her would be best. The months after this and leading upto the case she seemed fine with me and wanted me close, we viewed engagement rings and talked about our future, Then afterwards I could just feel her slipping through my fingers, she would hardly stay at my house anymore, I didn't pressure her into sex but for the first few weeks we was having a lot of sex then she didn't want to be touched even a kiss when she would arrived at my house after work was something she seemed to be repulsed by. It seems like I was taking this whole situation worse then her, she would just block out what happened but I couldn't the thought someone has done this to my world was eating away at me. As the months went on she just kept pushing me away and I was so worried I was going to lose her I felt like I was on egg shells. She kept saying she was fine but has been to see her GP who gave her anti depressants, which she has not taken. we started to get into silly arguments all the time and things did become miserable in the relationship. We both mutually agreed to split up 1 month ago, but two weeks later I couldn't stand not being with her. I've been pleading with her to give it another shot, she said she wants to be on her. She said it wasn't just the rape that's made her feel this way, she said we wasn't the strongest before that and we was always have little break ups here and there. She said this time it feels final, I've told her I'll wait for as long as it takes but she said no I need to move on, then drops the bombshell she loves me but she's no in love with me or the relationship anymore. I've been with this girl for 5 years and I've tried everything to block the pain, been the gym, surrounded myself around friends went jogging every night to block the pain but I'm falling to pieces without her, having dreams were together then wake up heartbroken. But now I don't understand after all the support I gave her she's directing some nasty tweets and facebook messages at me. Also after saying she dosent want to be touched she kissed another guy last week when I asked her had she been with anyone since we split. She said it was a drunking kiss at a wedding that meant nothing and that she has no Intention of getting into any relationships for long time. We've been in no contact now for 3 days and I feel lost, how can I snap out of this.
L1ght Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 let it go pal. She wants to move in a different direction and you really do have to let her. Its for the best and pressuring her is only gonna make things worse. Give her total space....over time she will realise if she wants you or not. If she does then I'm sure she will let you know.
thompkevin Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Dude, I am sorry you are in this situation. Nothing in this is your fault. You did your best and were a great boyfriend. However, you have to let go of her. It's been 3 days of no contact, so don't expect to feel better just yet. You will have to continue no contact for at least 30 days before you'd feel better. Also, make sure you are not obsessing over her every tweet and facebook status. If you are, then you need to delete her from facebook as well. There is a very good guide for no contact here at loveshack. Hope that answers your questions. Here is another article on the no contact rule that might help.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Normally, when you get the "I love you but not in love with you" speech; usually, 9 times out of 10 there's usually another guy involved. However, I feel that this might be that one time where I don't think that there's someone else. She was raped. And she's running away from that time in her life and everything associated with that period in her life (which includes you). She won't seek help and address the issues. She would rather "rug sweep" the whole incident and become someone else. She is putting up a wall to anything and anyone that she was close to in that period in her life. Now, you might say to me, "she still hangs out with her old friends. She hasn't shut them out?!?!" Right, but she did have that close and intimate relationship with them either. She never let herself be in a vulnerable state around them. Sorry to say, but I have a feeling that her life is going to spiral out of control. She may get heavily into drugs and alcohol. She may sleep around with several different men just so she can feel...something! To use them as she was used herself. She may start lashing out at people because they don't understand the pain that she's in. And she may even turn suicidal. And here's the rub. There's nothing you can do about it. You can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. All you can do is move on with your life and pray that if she hits rock bottom, she'll call you for help. You may not want to get back with her, but at least you can be the shoulder to lean on and to point her in the right direction to get the help that she's ignoring right now. 1
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