SarahJames Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 You know how they say there's a reason for everything? Well what's the reason some of us are meant to experience being the "other woman"? I just ended my MM "relationship" and I'm sitting around thinking - what did I get from this experience? How am I different? What did I learn? How will this effect my future relationships? So, what's the reason? How did it change you? Is your personality different? Do you view life differently? Please share.
peaksandvalleys Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 You know how they say there's a reason for everything? Well what's the reason some of us are meant to experience being the "other woman"? I just ended my MM "relationship" and I'm sitting around thinking - what did I get from this experience? How am I different? What did I learn? How will this effect my future relationships? So, what's the reason? How did it change you? Is your personality different? Do you view life differently? Please share. Sometimes the reason things happen to us is because we put ourselves in situations that we should have never been in. I think anything that we experience be it good or bad changes our view of life a little. 3
LilGirlandOW Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 ((HugsSarah)) I've learned to be a little wiser, stronger and more suspicious. I will never jump into anything with 2 feet first again. I will never even become close friends with a MM who I'm not connected to via his SO or my SO. I will never confide in a man so easily with the right ingredients to the recipe to more easily manipulate or play puppet master with me. 2
ConcreteHeart Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I think when we try to recover from the experience of an affair, we try to rationalize our behaviour by putting some sort of cosmic spin on it. That somehow the universe is trying to show us something. In reality, we made choices that could be based on something so unconsious that we will never really know the reason we did what we did. Many of the people on here are decent, smart people who found themselves in a seriously messy situation with no real understanding of how it all happened to them. The lessons for me are still emerging. It has taken many months to discover that I took my own marriage for granted. I placed my own emotional needs above that of my husband and child. I wanted an adventure, something fun and exciting because I thought that's what I was lacking in my life. That idea of fun and excitement quickly turned into drama and pain. It wasn't until the exMM said "I don't love you, I never did" that I learned the hardest lesson...that fantasy and future faking are the devasting results of an affair "fog" I learned to look at my own small cirlcle of love that was surrounding me the whole time, and cherish it. It is the only thing that was and is truely real. 3
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Everything happens for a reason, and "karma" is just wishful thinking. I once had those views, until someone pointed out...if that were true, than what did little children do to deserve molestation, abuse, neglect. What big life lesson is there to be learned from that, by someone who does not have the capabilities to understand, their only coping skill is to become smaller. And if I don't believe that it happened to them for a reason, beyond someone else's depravity than I could not hold that view for other life events. I also don't believe in people "deserving" something. Everyone deserves to be happy for instance. I can think of lots of people that don't deserve water, let alone happiness. I think happiness is something that we should strive for, or peacefulness..maybe. Happiness is so subjective. My happiness might be your greedy, or vice versa. All there is, is what can we take away from our experiences. How can we better protect ourselves or become a better us.
bentleychic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Sometimes the reason things happen to us is because we put ourselves in situations that we should have never been in. I think anything that we experience be it good or bad changes our view of life a little. Yup. I don't think anyone is "meant to" do anything. I think we create our own "destiny" (though I don't believe in destiny which is why I put it in quotes). Our choices are what factors in to what we go through. I don't think an A is something that I was supposed to go through. It's happened due to a chose that I made. Everything that happens is a direct result of choices that you (general) make. Actions meets consequence. 2
bentleychic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 The typos in my post make my eyes burn. Sorry about that!
happy stillmore Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Before my relationship with a MM, I didn't see myself as having options. I was living in a tunnel where I was stuck in my life. I didn't see divorce as an option and was miserable in my marriage. I reached out to a man who was unavailable while I was unavailable myself. I dared to believe this man loved me but eventually learned the situation was impossible. I set myself up for a heartache. However, I do know now what I want from a relationship and will not settle for my present situation. I DO HAVE options. I HAVE control of my life. I believe the relationship showed me how wonderful it is to love and share my life with someone (not be roommates). The lesson I learned is nothing good comes from NOT living your life openly and honestly. 1
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