guardian216 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Due to some financial difficulties on my part me and my 26 year old step son came up with a financial plan to help me get on track again.. Long story short, me and my wife separated in Feb of 2011, she left me do to me being an jerk and uncaring and some financial trust issues, this was coming for years I just didnt see it..We have never filed for divorce due to medical and financial issues (according to her) though I wont file cause I still love and care about her.. We have stayed in contact and even have done a few dinners until about 6 months ago when she invited me to take a vacation with her to her families place..Since then we hang out at least once a week and even sleep together. She still maintains her separate lifestyle of dating and having sex with selected men but no commitments to any of them. I date but only have had sex with 4 other women since the separation.. Ok thats the gist of our relationship. Well I was a mess after the separation and made some bad financial choices that has now put me in a hard place. My step-son and I came up with a plan that I should move up to his town (cause its cheaper) and I would be closer to him and the grandkids. My wife somehow got involved and offered for me to move into her 2 bdr place so I wouldnt have to have such a financial hardship of rent and she could save money to move later down the road. We would be roommates only according to her but may have sex when she feels like it and neither one of us are to butt into each others personal lives (which may be a problem for me) I hate that she sleeps around and dates but im willing to overlook this for my sons stake..She says she will never get into a relationship with anyone or me again as far as committed. Oh she has a terminal illness so does have limited time left could be a few months to a few years not sure.... But when we do talk I have owned the blame for my part of the marriage failing... Ok guess im just looking for some feed back..I want to move in with her and be her friend (we never dated really before we married) we were married for 14 years before separation.
thompkevin Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Well, I am not sure what to say as you didn't ask a question. But I hope you somehow manage to deal with her dating other guys. I guess you will have to learn to just live your life without caring about her being with other men. All the best. 1
Author guardian216 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I guess i just had to publicly put it out there..I am having nervous thoughts about if it will bring us closer or totally destroy what we have been working towards (an actual friendship) we both care about each other that is evident.
Porridge Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Oh she has a terminal illness so does have limited time left could be a few months to a few years not sure.... I'm trying to look at this from her point of view. Her marriage failed because of reckless behaviour on her partner's part and she also has to deal with the devastating situation of having a terminal condition. Her sleeping around may be a coping mechanism but regardless of that, you need to give her space and respect her wishes - particularly as you've been separated for a while now. It may possibly be that she wants to see whether you've changed in any way. Words will never be enough though - you need to demonstrate it in your actions and convictions. Work on improving yourself. That'll be for the benefit of everybody.
Ronni_W Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I lived with my ex-h before, during and after our separation and divorce...for ten years. For financial and more dysfunctional reasons...but it worked very well for as long as it lasted. We both dated other people. It can get very difficult. I'd think tenfold so if you're still inclined to see yourself with her as a couple. It can be done but be prepared for some emotionally rough times, which I had even though I was not at all interested in reconciling. In your shoes though, I would totally, absolutely NOT make myself sexually available only if and whenever she feels like it. Are you daft, man? Do NOT prostitute your dignity and self-respect. Make it mutual or not at all. (My ex and I never once had sex after deciding to separate...not sure if that'll make any diff, but just so I don't have to repost to add it .)
Mr. Lucky Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 My wife somehow got involved and offered for me to move into her 2 bdr place so I wouldnt have to have such a financial hardship of rent and she could save money to move later down the road. We would be roommates only according to her but may have sex when she feels like it and neither one of us are to butt into each others personal lives (which may be a problem for me) I hate that she sleeps around and dates but im willing to overlook this for my sons stake..She says she will never get into a relationship with anyone or me again as far as committed. You haven't really stated if you could deal with the conditions she's proposing? Mr. Lucky
aliveagain Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It will kill you having other men coming over to pick her up. Is it worth the financial relief? When she spends the night or weekend at her boyfriends place, will you be OK? I would try it on my own or in a worst case scenario, get a girlfriend to keep your mind off her. It would hurt less if you were divorced, been there.
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