katiej789 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 So me and my bf have been together for about 6 months, all has been really good up until a couple of weeks ago when his grandmother died. He knew she was ill so wasn't a sudden death. We just spent last weekend together which was amazing and now hes just said the spark has gone and there is too much going on to think clearly.. I know he is grieving and I have said i'm there for him, but don't know if his actions are cause of the circumstances or me? Just so confused
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It really could be either. Personally, when I lost my mother I'd been with my ex for only a couple of months (but friends for a long time beforehand). I went the opposite way to your bf and leaned on him for support, but it could easily have been a different story. When somebody is grieving they're often not thinking very clearly and want to isolate themselves. Unfortunately this could spell the end of your relationship. All you can do is accept what he says, tell him you're sorry for his loss and that you respect his decision, and back off.
crederer Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Give the guy space. Just cause it was expected doesn't mean he's not hurting from it. 1
Author katiej789 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 It really could be either. Personally, when I lost my mother I'd been with my ex for only a couple of months (but friends for a long time beforehand). I went the opposite way to your bf and leaned on him for support, but it could easily have been a different story. When somebody is grieving they're often not thinking very clearly and want to isolate themselves. Unfortunately this could spell the end of your relationship. All you can do is accept what he says, tell him you're sorry for his loss and that you respect his decision, and back off. Thanks for the reply, I think its just starting to hit him now and he said that at the weekend, just hope he comes to me, i'm giving him time and I haven't been initiating the texts/phonecalls between us its always been him. Just don't wanna lose him
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I know it's tough but there is really nothing you can do to prevent him from leaving if that's what he wants to do, or feels he has to do. It might seem like a death is less painful if it's expected, but it's usually just as terrible as a death is a surprise, not only because an expected death usually means the person suffered for some time beforehand, but because you may expect to feel relief and then be blindsided by the pain. I knew I was losing my mother for a little while beforehand and it still took me a good year and a half before I felt healed enough to not be missing her every minute of the day. And I still have the occasional week when I have crying jags throughout, listen to songs that remind me of her, go to places we used to go to together. There's really no 'normal' response to a bereavement. You sound like a very caring girlfriend and you're doing the right things, but just protect yourself and don't get your hopes up.
Author katiej789 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Thank you for the advice, part of me has that feeling that he may end it but its like hes changed overnight.. He came to me at the weekend and spoke about what hes feeling, now he says he doesn't know what he wants anymore. I'm going to continue to give him space and time and see what happens I guess
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Maybe I'm a little black and white at times, but when someone says they don't know what they want anymore, they're saying they don't know that they want you. I don't personally want to be with somebody that doesn't know they want to be with me. Obviously grief is a different kettle of fish, but it's not looking good.
Author katiej789 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I don't know what to think.. everything was going so well before this, just going to see what happens and give him space
Frank13 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Maybe I'm a littlthey don't know what they want anymoree black and white at times, but when someone says they don't know what they want anymore, they're saying they don't know that they want you. I am even more black and white. When someone says they don't know what they want anymore, they are saying that they don't want you. Same with the "I'm confused" line.
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