Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I've gone no contact with my best friend/girl I was seeing for 9 days now. I feel proud that I've not given in and I left it in a way that I doubt she would break and text me. I thought it was getting easier until about day 5. Now every day I worry more about her...is she ok? Does she have people supporting her? I made it my job to be there for her through hard times and make sure she was ok and now I'm gone.
Pain_and_gain Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I guess she have a bunch of people supporting her.... leave her alone, you're just tryin' to release your guilty because u dumped her. If u really care about her, u shouldn't dump her in first case.
reddragon588 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 First off, it's not your job to worry about her! You have enough to worry about yourself. Now is a time where it is ok for you to be selfish. Put yourself first. Second, it's only been 9 days! It will get better, but unfortunately it takes time. You wouldn't expect a broken leg to be fixed in 9 days, a broken heart won't be fixed in 9 days either. 2
Jim86 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I guess she have a bunch of people supporting her.... leave her alone, you're just tryin' to release your guilty because u dumped her. If u really care about her, u shouldn't dump her in first case. That's a totally unfounded assumption....and you're last sentence is just stupid and generic.
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Does it get better? Depends. What are you doing for yourself right now? If you're moping and being sad wishing she'd call ,unfortunately no it won't get any better. BUT If you take this time to better yourself and go out and have fun and truly enjo your life and let go Oh ya,it doesn't get better, it's more or less a revelation. Barky 3
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Someone once posted on here that it's just as hard to let go as it is to hold on. Will going NC help you heal? Yep! Will doing NC in conjunction with making positive changes in my life help me heal faster? MOST DEFINITELY!! Start making positive changes. Go to the gym, eat right, get plenty of sleep. Buy a new wardrobe, get a new hairstyle, travel! See the world! Get new hobbies! Those sorts of things. 1
organizedchaos Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I've gone no contact with my best friend/girl I was seeing for 9 days now. I feel proud that I've not given in and I left it in a way that I doubt she would break and text me. I thought it was getting easier until about day 5. Now every day I worry more about her...is she ok? Does she have people supporting her? I made it my job to be there for her through hard times and make sure she was ok and now I'm gone. She's an adult. She can take care of herself. 1
degearea Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Don't do it. People who can't take care of themselves are train wrecks. You're similar to me. Codependent, caretaker, Helper, whatever. We expend HUGE amounts of energy taking care of others... and what's more these people more often than not tend to take it for granted, take advantage of our generosity, and will never change because we keep enabling their bad behaviors. I've done it with a lot of my ex-gfs... reminding or even paying parking tickets for them, taking care of car trouble, picking them up when they're drunk, taking them to hospitals because they don't take care of themselves, pushing them out the door to work if they even have a job, yadda yadda yadda. They're adult children. Pure and simple. If it's an emotional deal due to some trauma then she needs a therapist. You shouldn't have to play that role. I sympathize... I do. It's very let hard to go as you have a caring heart... but you made the right call. If you don't respect the person you're with because they're a mess and they don't respect you because you're they're caretaker what kind of future can you have?
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Firstly...to the stupid first comment... she dumped me. My best friend dumped me...so what a stupid assumption to make. I let her lean on me even when I knew she was taking it for granted so do me a favour and take yourself to another thread ok? For all the other lovely comments...thank you. She opens up to nobody. She's said I'm the only person that ever sees her cry and I'm the only person she'll even remotely open up to. I told her to leave me alone because it was all on her terms, she said her "feelings had changed" and still wanted me there whenever she needed me. I feel so bad because she's going through hell that is unrelated to us. She's pretty much gone 180 in terms of personality etc and knows this herself and I have to now pretend I don't care...when that's the hardest thing in the world. Maybe she'll realise that she took me for granted and wake up to the idiotic things she's doing I don't know. I have a feeling I'll see her out on Saturday night and have no idea what to say or how to play it. I miss her like crazy and I know she's not being herself so there's not a lot I can do. My gut says when all this **** blows over we can see what happens but obviously I don't want to sit around miserable waiting. I have plenty of girls knocking on my door but it's nothing like us and the friendship we've had for all these years. 2
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 If they're knocking on your door,open it up. Literally and figuratively Barky
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Oh and the thing is I've never had a girlfriend. I've known her 10 years and she had been in a relationship the whole time. I think I've subconsciously waited for her because I've "seen" too many girls I've lost count and couldn't believe my luck when we finally started seeing each other. We both agreed it was always going to happen and we had always been more than just friends. She's so messed up due to her break up and wants to be single I suppose. The only girl I've ever cared about like this. Oh well time will tell I suppose! Thanks again guys.
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I got bored of opening it up. I've had my fun and wanted my girl.
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Wait hold up So this girl was in a relationship with someone else and you were the side dude? So you sat there and had a "relationship" with a girl who was banging some other dude wait not another dude her boyfriend? And you thought because they broke up you guys would be together? Or am I missing something? Barky 1
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Oh and the thing is I've never had a girlfriend. I've known her 10 years and she had been in a relationship the whole time. I think I've subconsciously waited for her because I've "seen" too many girls I've lost count and couldn't believe my luck when we finally started seeing each other. We both agreed it was always going to happen and we had always been more than just friends. She's so messed up due to her break up and wants to be single I suppose. The only girl I've ever cared about like this. Oh well time will tell I suppose! Thanks again guys. HUH?!?!? What? This makes no sense at all...no girlfriend but seen too many girls to count? She has been in a 10 year relationship and HAD BEEN THE WHOLE TIME?!?! she's messed up due to a break up and wants to be single? Who's break up? Break up with you or someone else? What EXACTLY is going on? 2
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 That's pretty much it in a nutshell and boiled down to its simplest form yes! He had cheated on her numerous times and had some hold over her that always had her going back. That eased my conscience because I'm not the kind of guy to make a habit out of doing that kind of thing. Sounds stupid yeh, but for me it's only ever been about her. No doubt in my mind she would have gone back again if it wasn't for the support I gave her...then used that strength to kick me in the balls as it were. Doesn't stop me finding excuses for her totally out of character behaviour now though! I tried to force it when they broke up and it's pushed her away. If she's happy with someone else that's brilliant.
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Maybe the "seeing" part was lost in translation across the pond. I meant I've had my fun and wanted to keep it tactful. Yes she was in a relationship with somebody else the whole time I've known her and recently broke up with him. We hadn't spoken for a few years until she randomly contacted me in November due to me living at the other end of the country
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Ok so let me try this again She had a boyfriend and you "had fun" with her So she's been cheating on him with you for a long time? And you're now wondering why she left both of you in the dust? Getting warmer? Barky 1
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 You're nearly there pal! I lived 250 miles away so after we'd spoken a bit via text we met up the next time I was down as friends. She'd not cheated before and I don't think she intended to but it kind of spiralled from there. 6 months of constant 24/7 texting, calls, FaceTime etc with the fun coming every time I came home for a week. She told me she was in love with me if that counts for anything?! I moved home 2 months ago and she broke up with him pretty much that week due to discovering he'd cheated again. To be honest I think the stresses of dealing with him and myself when things got messy is what pushed her away.
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I honestly just kind of chuckled Not because of the pain you're in by any means But the stupid perdiciment you put yourself in I'm going to be harsh so bare with me You were her crutch You were her escape goat When she finally got the nerve to leave this dude,you somehow were entangled in this messed up web and she left the web including you And you're somewhat surprised? I have no pity on you The dude should kick your teeth down your throat I always try and give good sound advice to help people get thru tough times For you? You deserve everything your getting right now Find your own girl next time Don't come back at me being a tough guy, I'm trying to open your eyes You and the pain you feel,are right where you belong Barky 1
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 You 've obviously misjudged me as a person. Thinking I'll act all keyboard warrior with you? That's not me at all I'm afraid. Well thank you for your advice. She's been the most important thing in my life since I met her as a kid. I care a lot about her and her happiness and he was doing a lousy job even considering her in all of this let alone making her happy. Again thanks for your advice...but you can't help who you fall for can you?
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 What he does and how he keeps her happy is not your concer It's his And if you're taking what I'm saying the wrong way then i apologize And no you can't help who you fall for But you can help the boundaries you cross For her it was never love with you Sorry if that hurts but it's the truth If she truly deep down wanted to be with you she would have left him along time ago But she didn't She left both of you Take a step back and picture someone telling you your story What would you say to them? I'd imagine closely to what I'm saying to you Barky 1
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Oh and another thing. I moved away in the first place so as to get away from her . I never asked her to contact me out of the blue 2 years later. Maybe I've hit a nerve with you but from other posts I've seen you seem like a nice guy that would treat a girl in the right way.
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I disagree. When somebody is in a relationship with somebody else that doesn't make them a possession. I cared deeply about my friend and he was treating her like ****. I do agree though that if she really loved me she would have left him.
barky2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Lol hit a nerve? No I've never been cheated on ever. But I trying to have you open your eyes I'm really trying here to have you see outside of the box You're right she is not his possession But HE is the one who decides how he treats her Not you tho man I know she's your friend girl whatever But it seems like you tried playing capt save a ho with her And when you do that with a female she loses all respect for you Undoubtably she was telling one of her close girlfriends about the web she was in, and she told her to cut both of you off and run because it's not right Kind of make sense? Also, don't be surprised if now,she's starting something up with someone else This type of girl are easy to read For your sake I hope this doesn't take too much of a toll on you because you don't deserve pain,no one does But you put yourself in a horrible spot here man One that could have been avoided You obviously filled some kind of void with her As did he And now I'm sure she's trying to find someone who will fill it all Barky 1
Author Johnsmith100 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks again for your advice mate. Time will tell and hopefully I can draw a line under this now as it's consumed my entire adult life to date!
Recommended Posts