Idealistic Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I broke up with a guy last week, we've been together for 3 months but it was very intense. He fell in love with me first time he saw me, but his situation was a little complicated. He was in the middle of a breakup (or said so), he was still living with his ex because she's highly dependent on him, and because of financial reasons. I know he loved me, and that he wanted to move out of this situation but he wasn't strong enough to do it by himself, he put pressure on me at first to move with him, and start a family although he was still financially not stable. I had strong feelings for him, but I refused because it was too early, and even though I don't doubt he was sincere when he said it, I'm not sure he will still feel the same after a couple of months. He talked me into accepting the current situation until he finds a solution. I said yes at first, but then quickly changed my mind because I found myself in the awful position of the other woman and I couldn't stand that, it hurt so much! It might have worked if I trusted him, but I couldn't fully trust him because he lied to me several times, because he didn't want to hurt my feelings... (I never said that to him) I broke up over mail, because I had this talk with him face to face several times before, and he always convinced me that he loves me, and if I love him, I should trust him and wait.. I also deleted him from facebook, and sent a message to tell him that I care for him, but that he needs to sort his situation first. He didn't answer. I tried to call, and texted him once after that, to ask him if he wanted to talk, and if he wanted to take the stuff he left in my place back, and he didn't answer either. I think I made the right decision, but it still hurts so much! I don't know how you can go from passionate love to nothing in a day.. I haven't been sleeping in a week, and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to move on, but wondering if there's anything I could have done differently.. :'( I would appreciate your opinions, thank you!
ComingInHot Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Okay from what you have written, the following is what I understand: - 3 Months and you are "know" him & are in-love with him... (not very long, could be physical attraction/lust) -Lack of Trust within Just those 3 months -Lies and deceit in those 3 months -betrayal by this man to his G/F -Financially Unstable yet already moving His things Into YOUR place... -Weak of mind and spirit as a man since "he couldn't do it" ie move out and end things with G/F -Manipulating you into accepting the role of OW (which you figured out and said no way Thank God) Personally, I think You Dodged a Big BIG bullet!! If in ONLY 3 Months, this guy did All of the above, there is something Seriously wrong with his character. If in ONLY 3 months, YOU fell for him the way you did (HARD!!), there may be some things in you that may need some attention as well. I TOTALLY get the Animal attraction, the "pull" and the head over feelings that we get around certain people, but I don't necessarily think that, that is "love"... yet. I think part of "love" is getting to know that person THROUGH all the chemical stuff, like when they have diarrhea and hardly make it to the bathroom, when they are heaving up buckets from being sick or too much to drink and when you have and work through those first few disagreements and see the ugliness that can rear up in them but want to "be" with them anyway because it is what happens in Every Relationship. Please know that I KNOW it hurts, but I also KNOW, being with someone that will not do to you (and his G/F) what he has done in just 3 months will be WAAAAY better for you* CIH 1
starryeyedsurprise Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Holy crap I am reading my story here. I just got out of a 7 month relationship a few weeks ago, and thank god. Your story is EXACTLY!!! like my story. My ex was living with an ex for "financial" reasons, she was dependant on him, blah blah blah....guess what, I became the OW, and it's the worst feeling in the world. My ex did the same, pulled me back each and everytime I wanted to end things. I told him to fix his life, move out, than we can continue. He cried, begged, pleaded..told me I am his other half, soulmate, best friend, "the One".....This lasted for 6 months, each time I would pull away, he would push even harder. So guess what, this "ex" was really his fiance and he was using and manipulating me the whole time. Do yourself a favor and find a man with no attachments, he will slowly destroy your soul. Yes, you might think this is such a deep and intense love/bond, but it's an emotional rollercoaster that comes with with affairs or men who are still attached. You might end up being his rebound as well. I hope you take our advice, and would hate to see you hurt like the rest of us. 3 months seems long, but it really isn't. You guys really don't know each other yet, you only get breadcrumbs for now. I hope you make the right choice. 2
Author Idealistic Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 thank you very much for your messages and your support! it really helped! he already sent me three text messages, but I will not answer them 1
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