whiteknighted Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I just wanted to share a very simple exchange I had with a friend and how much it encapsulates the relationship between me and my ex-boyfriend. I posted my story a few weeks ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/425603-need-some-objectivity-does-he-have-gigs After the meeting I had with him in August in which all hope was crushed and I was left feeling physically unwell for 3 days due to crippling anxiety, I texted a friend and told her what happened. I said to her "It was horrible. He was everything to me...". She replied "I know he was, and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this..." It might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but that simple acknowledgement "I know he was" cuts really deep. It makes me feel like the love I had for my boyfriend was known and observable - my friends knew the extent of my feelings for him and what he meant to me ("he was everything to me"). It makes me feel like, if I had died and he was left grieving for me then people would be able to provide him the comforting sentiment of them knowing how much I loved him. Yet here's me now - I have no such comfort. I wasn't everything to him and he chose to have a life without me. It's so devastating to have loved someone so much and for them to walk out of your life forever. I thought I was doing well - I've not had any communication with him for 7 weeks although have only been truly NC (not looking at his facebook, or his online dating profile) for 7 days - but last night I cried thinking about how much love I had and how little he had in return.
Toddbt12y1 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It is a difficult and long battle after a breakup. You will have moments of clarity, and feel well; moments of when you feel bad. This being compounded as you loved him. I know the feeling... It will get hard. You need to fight harder. Avoid him, he lost, and you can recover. Now is not the time to worry about him; be strong. This is your time to recover. Unfortunately, as well as you are at NC atm, you still will go through the emotions. It will pass. Just don't let it tear you apart, as you go through the process. Stay active. Live still. This and time will be your friend. 1
Author whiteknighted Posted November 30, 2013 Author Posted November 30, 2013 Hey, just wanted to say thanks for this reply. I somehow missed it after I posted this last month. I've felt a bit better recently but tonight I had a complete and utter breakdown - I was in so much pain. But it's passed now and I think I was just trying to let something go. He's never coming back, he doesn't want to try and make it work with me and even if he did - why would I let myself be treated like this? I deserve better.
Recommended Posts