3am and MM's moving out. Now what?

[LilGirlandOW]

So the order of events as I was told is that lately they've been fighting much more than regular, so that evening the word divorce was thrown in the mix of arguments, which led to the "I haven't been happy in years" from her side ans the "I'm not in love with you" from his side. She discloses that she's been confiding in friends about divorce. Back and forth ensues, for hours upon hours. I'm away at my moms and dealing with a family medical situation, MM knows this so we didn't have our regular contact that day. MM leaves at whatever time, I text him when I roll back into town it was the early morning, about an hour later I get the phone call.

 

He seemed calm and matter of fact, which had me spinning, as this is the same MM I always thought would never leave, I knew he wasn't happy with her, but figured he would continue the cushy roommate thing, and our R. I've never asked him to leave, or when he was leaving, never questioned why he stayed with her unhappy. I just enjoyed our time together, as it was abundant I was always fulfilled in the R.

[LilGirlandOW]

Did one or both of your parents cheat with these step parents?

 

They started seeing the now step parents quickly after separation, within a couple months for both, and, prior to divorce. Both sets have been happily married for 10-15yrs. The two sets of couples are great friends and even vacation together. They have now great marriages, and great friendships.

[threelaurels]

They started seeing the now step parents quickly after separation, within a couple months for both, and, prior to divorce. Both sets have been happily married for 10-15yrs. The two sets of couples are great friends and even vacation together. They have now great marriages, and great friendships.

 

Assuming the BS does not currently know about the affair, do you see that happening between you/MM and BS/partner? How do you think she will react when you two publicly come out as a couple?

[2sunny]

I am 'what if'ing' myself to death. I keep getting excited punctuated with anxiety that he'll change his mind, or bs would change her mind.

 

It might drive me crazy

 

I'm know I need to reflect on how things are right now today, he seems excited about a fresh start, his kids are taking everything good, the bs is making her own moves towards the separation/divorce process. I wish I could relax and share his feeling of happiness for the future. I will breathe more lightly the day he has the keys to his new place in his hands, hopefully today.

 

Until his divorce is FINAL - he is still married to his wife.

 

Has he even filed for the D to begin to run it's allotted time to get finished?

 

 

Moving out is one thing - getting the D finalized is another.

 

Where does he stand on getting that done?

[2sunny]

So the order of events as I was told is that lately they've been fighting much more than regular, so that evening the word divorce was thrown in the mix of arguments, which led to the "I haven't been happy in years" from her side ans the "I'm not in love with you" from his side. She discloses that she's been confiding in friends about divorce. Back and forth ensues, for hours upon hours. I'm away at my moms and dealing with a family medical situation, MM knows this so we didn't have our regular contact that day. MM leaves at whatever time, I text him when I roll back into town it was the early morning, about an hour later I get the phone call.

 

He seemed calm and matter of fact, which had me spinning, as this is the same MM I always thought would never leave, I knew he wasn't happy with her, but figured he would continue the cushy roommate thing, and our R. I've never asked him to leave, or when he was leaving, never questioned why he stayed with her unhappy. I just enjoyed our time together, as it was abundant I was always fulfilled in the R.

 

This is just evidence that his wife wasn't happy because he was spending time and energy paying attention to you.

 

Keep it as your mental note to self = you may have that same "feeling" from him a few years from now...

[Babolat]

So the order of events as I was told is that lately they've been fighting much more than regular, so that evening the word divorce was thrown in the mix of arguments, which led to the "I haven't been happy in years" from her side ans the "I'm not in love with you" from his side. She discloses that she's been confiding in friends about divorce. Back and forth ensues, for hours upon hours. I'm away at my moms and dealing with a family medical situation, MM knows this so we didn't have our regular contact that day. MM leaves at whatever time, I text him when I roll back into town it was the early morning, about an hour later I get the phone call.

 

He seemed calm and matter of fact, which had me spinning, as this is the same MM I always thought would never leave, I knew he wasn't happy with her, but figured he would continue the cushy roommate thing, and our R. I've never asked him to leave, or when he was leaving, never questioned why he stayed with her unhappy. I just enjoyed our time together, as it was abundant I was always fulfilled in the R.

 

Ex-wife and I had this exact same conversation and I remember it well, almost the exact same words. We started sleeping in seprate beds that night, I did not leave at 3AM. 1 week later, after thinking it through, talking more, I moved out.

 

I don't think you are getting the whole story...back to my control comment.

[LilGirlandOW]

Today is the day she booked the D lawyer appt, he's taking the kids to look at a new place, he found one he and the kids love but has a couple to look at today as we'll.

 

Although the only part of our R we discussed in detail was regarding the kids. I'm assuming he and I would continue our R as we have been to not let on we've been seeing each other, in time or when she finds a new R, we can be more public. I'm not showing up at kids events on his arm right away or anything like that. Keeping in mind that we have a very close R already and live minutes apart so we see each other often... But we were all about road trips, so only went out together in our town 2 times I can think of right now.

 

Sorry I'm rambling...

[snowflakes88]

Sounds as though it's the BS that started this separation rolling. Apparently, she didn't want him nearly as much as he thought she did.

 

I honestly don't think I'd want to be with someone only because someone else was done with him and set him free. That would make me kind of feel like 2nd choice.

 

Yup. + necessary characters.

[LilGirlandOW]

Sounds as though it's the BS that started this separation rolling. Apparently, she didn't want him nearly as much as he thought she did.

 

I honestly don't think I'd want to be with someone only because someone else was done with him and set him free. That would make me kind of feel like 2nd choice.

 

That's exactly what I have been toying with in my head, within 12hrs of their fallout, she already has an appraiser there, and an appt with a D lawyer the next day?

[threelaurels]

That's exactly what I have been toying with in my head, within 12hrs of their fallout, she already has an appraiser there, and an appt with a D lawyer the next day?

 

I agree that it's very strange. Most people are not that proactive in pushing things forward when it comes to D unless they have a reason to quicken the process. My guess is that she either has an OM waiting for her or she's planning to drop a bombshell on MM. She definitely has something up her sleeve.

[Cali408]

I agree that it's very strange. Most people are not that proactive in pushing things forward when it comes to D unless they have a reason to quicken the process. My guess is that she either has an OM waiting for her or she's planning to drop a bombshell on MM. She definitely has something up her sleeve.

 

If you are going to date him, don't do it around town. You don't want to be seen. Hell hath a woman scorned. She might have someone else, but if she feels disrespected, she's going to drop the hammer on him.

 

Lay low, people gossip. He needs to be amicable with her to facilitate the process. When someone tells her that they saw you and him at Chuck's Choke and Puke out to dinner, she's not going to be very happy....

[cif]

Not to play devil's advocate but is it possible MM has other OW(s) and she found out? Sooner or later she will find out about your A.. very simple tnid.us for example. And considering her line of work much more resources. BTW even if they get a basic phone bill delivered, details are available online for previous year.

[2sunny]

Sounds like his wife is the one taking ACTION - and forcing him to REACT!

 

Why hasn't HE seen an attorney?

[ladydesigner]

Not to play devil's advocate but is it possible MM has other OW(s) and she found out? Sooner or later she will find out about your A.. very simple tnid.us for example. And considering her line of work much more resources. BTW even if they get a basic phone bill delivered, details are available online for previous year.

 

 

Good point cif, this is how I found out about OOW during WH's A with MOW (I'm just not sure if it was PA with any of them. It was definitely crossing boundaries though).

[jlola]

If her kids decide that you're the reason, or one of the reasons, that their parents divorced, they won't like you for long. That's the reality of these situations. You should really prepare for that, because if you think the wife will flip when she finds out, they'll find out too.

 

I agree,( Lil I answered your question in another post).

 

My father had an affair with my mother's BFF. I loved her as an aunt. I even grew my hair waist length like hers as a little girl. We would go on family vacations with her and her husband. they had no kids(because she could not have any). So my sisters and I were like nieces.

 

She divorced and we never saw her again. i would ask my mother about her, but my mother would just say she moved. It was not till I was an adult one of my big mouth aunts mentioned Aunt J and my father had an affair and this is why the friendship was broken and why her husband divorced her.

 

I no longer wish ever to see this woman again. Never! Her betrayal showed she cared nothing for my mother,her husband or us. She cared only for herself!

[2sunny]

Point being - that if she hadn't made him leave - by his own choice - looks like he would still be home with her.

 

It is possible he had more women on the side than just you...and she found out.

[HopingAgain]

Point being - that if she hadn't made him leave - by his own choice - looks like he would still be home with her.

 

It is possible he had more women on the side than just you...and she found out.

 

That is a very likely scenario.

[2sunny]

Lil - have you asked him who's idea it was for him to move?

[jlola]

Point being - that if she hadn't made him leave - by his own choice - looks like he would still be home with her.

 

It is possible he had more women on the side than just you...and she found out.

 

Funny how he could not move out before because of "the kids" . But now he can?

 

I don't think he has another woman. I think he is no prize and the BS knows it and this is her chance to get the hell you of dodge and let some other woman have him.

 

There must be smoke on her heels, cause she ran to get an appraiser and she couldn't make an appointment with the divorce lawyer fast enough.

 

Yep, what a prize he is. Now someone won this trophy . Hope it is worth all the pain.

[LilGirlandOW]

Yeah, she was done with him. My guess - they had a big fight. She once again threw the D word out there. He left. She was more than happy to watch him go.

 

If she was telling friends she wanted a divorce, she's all done with this guy. He'd still be home if she wanted him. Not sure that matters much, but that seems to be what's happening. No one has an appraiser lined up and a divorce attorney meeting within 3 days unless they are completely done with the other person. The wife is the one taking these actions. He already found a place he loves but keeps looking. Why? Why not take the place you love, unless you're hoping you don't need a place? Not saying that's with the wife, but it does seem odd if he's stated he doesn't want that with you.

 

We both think its a better idea to not move in together, I have a pretty big house here, he has a key & uses it. But we're not about to jump into a living together situation. He keeps looking cause he made apt's to see places, but one he saw yesterday is one he and the kids seem to love.

[LilGirlandOW]

When I talk to him this evening I will know more.

 

I keep getting lost in daydream, smiling.. but my head keeps bitch slapping my heart and I again start to doubt the D will happen, and for no real reason, but i've never been one to count my eggs before their in the basket. I just wanna count eggs already damnit!

[threelaurels]

We both think its a better idea to not move in together, I have a pretty big house here, he has a key & uses it. But we're not about to jump into a living together situation. He keeps looking cause he made apt's to see places, but one he saw yesterday is one he and the kids seem to love.

 

Have they already told the kids they are getting D?

[LilGirlandOW]

Funny how he could not move out before because of "the kids" . But now he can?

 

 

He didnt say he would stay through anything because of the kids, he said he would stay until he felt the fighting, etc was too unhealthy or he hit a personal breaking point.

 

Thats what he said, my LS paranoia converted that to mean, "I will stay eating my cake forever, I have kids, its an easy excuse". As it turns out a combination of abundant fighting and simply being fed up led to him realizing he would enjoy the time spent with his kids more without her around, even if its a little less time.

[LilGirlandOW]

Have they already told the kids they are getting D?

 

Yes, and the kids have been involved in finding a new place. Picking out furnishings.

[jlola]

When I talk to him this evening I will know more.

 

I keep getting lost in daydream, smiling.. but my head keeps bitch slapping my heart and I again start to doubt the D will happen, and for no real reason, but i've never been one to count my eggs before their in the basket. I just wanna count eggs already damnit!

 

Start counting your eggs. She does not want him back! You got him. Now all your dreams will come true.