All this dating double standards and bs

[Missyhissy]

Hi

I'm just going to have a rant. Maybe I have way too much time on my hands but this is annoying me. Why I have been researching the web about dating and it seems to me that the men have the upper hand. If we women go on a date we have to give the guy space and wait around like nutcases for his all important call. Well u say. Life is too short. I don't have so many days to wait. There's stuff I have to do and I am waiting my time waiting for some guy to call.

 

Where is all the stuff about what guys have to do? Maybe they need to be told its manners to call. Well f that. I don't know about the other ladies here but I have a line up of guys who want to see me. I have like three or four guys who want to take me out. But there is it his stupid game playing **** where if I show an ounce of interest the guy might think I'm desperate. Oooh better not call the one I like. He mite run a mile. Meanwhile I have at least two running in circles texting me and calling me all the time.

 

I'm pretty sure this calling crap isn't isolated to women. Why the hell can't a woman call a man. Its 2013. As far as I'm concerned I'm not going to waste my time with losers who can't even manage to call. Boo hoo if they are busy, messed up whatever. We women are worth more than that rubbish. Where are all the books and websites for guys trying to get a woman. I mean there should be stuff about that. Some of these men need to get over themselves and wonder why they have trouble communicating and being close to women.

 

Ok my rant is done. Sorry to the decent men who know how to communicate and be decent.

Missy

[coolheadal]

You can do whatever you want call them if you want. They should respect you and call you. I guess I am different I always call them and talk for hours and there was one I had spoken two for over 2,000 hours, good to have unlimited calling at the time. Everyone not like me so you have to deal with what you get.

 

If one guy is not contacting you, call up or text the other ones you got in standby mode. That's the reason why you got extra guys. You should be dating more often. Don't just sit for them to call you, once you met them and such. Text them or call if they don't answer you, more on to the next guy.

 

Find out first never assume though.

[MrCastle]

Hi

I'm just going to have a rant. Maybe I have way too much time on my hands but this is annoying me. Why I have been researching the web about dating and it seems to me that the men have the upper hand. If we women go on a date we have to give the guy space and wait around like nutcases for his all important call. Well u say. Life is too short. I don't have so many days to wait. There's stuff I have to do and I am waiting my time waiting for some guy to call.

 

Where is all the stuff about what guys have to do? Maybe they need to be told its manners to call. Well f that. I don't know about the other ladies here but I have a line up of guys who want to see me. I have like three or four guys who want to take me out. But there is it his stupid game playing **** where if I show an ounce of interest the guy might think I'm desperate. Oooh better not call the one I like. He mite run a mile. Meanwhile I have at least two running in circles texting me and calling me all the time.

 

I'm pretty sure this calling crap isn't isolated to women. Why the hell can't a woman call a man. Its 2013. As far as I'm concerned I'm not going to waste my time with losers who can't even manage to call. Boo hoo if they are busy, messed up whatever. We women are worth more than that rubbish. Where are all the books and websites for guys trying to get a woman. I mean there should be stuff about that. Some of these men need to get over themselves and wonder why they have trouble communicating and being close to women.

 

Ok my rant is done. Sorry to the decent men who know how to communicate and be decent.

Missy

 

Well, you make a strong case.

[Missyhissy]

Thanks for replying to my rant. I guess I am finding this difficult because I am probably a bit idealistic. In that I thought when u like some one and its reciprocated that is as simple as that. I know I wouldn't like someone hassling me out in the phone all the time. But at the same time where's the joy in playing this cat and mouse game. If I like someone I don't care if they call me. I wouldn't go out on a date in the first place. Let alone kiss them or get intimate unless I was on about them talking to me at all. I'm just not getting my head around people going out with me and wanting to kiss me and make goo goo eyes at me but they can't call? Wtf? A phone call doesn't mean proposal of marriage. It's a phone call. I have read some posts where people are told they are commuting dating suicide by calling the person if they feel like it. Well I say go for it. At least you know whether the person is for real or if they don't really likes u. Quick and easy. Love and dating shouldn't be a game.

Cheers

Missy

[ThatMan]

Alright.

Rants are cool and all...

I'm also glad you've had to opportunity to get things off your chest. Believe me when I say that we all need the opportunity to vent sometimes. But I always try to highlight a few things positive about the situation because I'm an annoyingly optimistic person.

Is there any room in your world for at least some leeway?

 

You should read MrCastle's message because he seems like a pretty chill guy. But also because there's something to think about in those bolded sentences. It doesn't matter how other people behave. Empowerment comes from within and the choices that we create for ourselves. So how willing are you to challenge some of the beliefs that you have? Because fostering healthy relationships begins there. How in the world do you possibly know other guys think you are desperate if you show interest in them? And where I gain this awesome mind-reading power? For all you know they might actually have busy lives. Maybe they wanted to see if you are interested in them so the normal progression of a conversation may begin. We actually need open dialog for people to understand other people. These beliefs that we always create for ourselves, and I'm just as guilty, won't help anyone. I've been more frustrated than you can imagine when people play games with me. But in the end it shouldn't matter. I've been able to take it upon myself to move on and meet other people. If I hadn't held onto my determination to create the decisions that are in my best interest, I would be a hapless victim waiting on the whims of other people who like to play games.

 

Instead try to learn how to make the most of the situation. If you have a bunch of guys who are interested in you, it really doesn't matter what the norm is or what other people typically expect. What matters is whether or not you are willing to create your own decisions regardless of what other people have to say. I know it's frustrating but I'm sure you'll find somebody. Sometimes we're too caught up on being an amateur sociology major stuck trying to rigidly define men and women in a relationship to focus on what truly matters.

Edited October 9, 2013 by ThatMan

[crederer]

Dating in the early stages is a bunch of games on both parties. If you want to go out again, call the guy. He might think you're not interested because you make no effort.

 

I've been dating a bit and after 5 or 6 goes at it and the girl doesn't reciprocate the effort I assume it's because she's not interested.

[Carenth]

Yeah, see thing with a lot of those internet "guides" to dating rules is it's not one size fits all.

 

You want to contact a guy you like do it. You have guys after you contact them. As you said life is too short. They don't like you going after what you want? then **** them not worth your time.

 

I personally find all these "communication games" a royally childish way of dating. I personally have little patience for it. I myself am not intimidated by a women who is interested in me contacting me. In fact I like it when a women isn't afraid to go after what she wants.

 

Communication is a two way street. If a girl in the past plays silly mind games early on I lose interest very quickly.

[acrosstheuniverse]

There are easy and difficult parts to being both genders, imo.

 

Women: Pros we generally don't have to put too much effort in when getting dates, get chased, it's normally seen as down to the man to impress us, we generally get hit on far more often than men do. Cons you basically put all of the power in the guy's hands, you're encouraged to just sit back and wait, the whole marriage and proposal thing is a minefield, it's one of the biggest decisions of both party's lives and yet females are supposed to sit back quietly and wait for the man to make the move, if she asks for a timeframe or 'pressures' the guy she's told it'll scare him off.

 

Men: Pros they can ask as many women out as they want and it's seen as the normal way. Cons there is a LOT of pressure on men, they are expected to be successful, tall, attractive and are competing with other men for a single woman's attention. They're also expected by some women to pay for everything for the both of them (exploitative much?).

 

On the whole I think it's easier for women as men tend to be expected to put the most effort in. But the whole, sitting back and waiting for a guy thing isn't something I buy into. If I like somebody I'll make it known and then let the guy show me whether he's interested or not. If I'm dating somebody regularly I'll pay for every other date. But admittedly I do seem to have a lot more options than most men do. It seems to always be five men chasing one woman.

 

Just my experience!

[musemaj11]

Its best to be a handsome confident man.

 

You can chase as many women as you want while at the same time women also chase you.

 

Best of both worlds!

[Skyraider829]

As a guy, I agree with what you are saying. I would not expect any woman to give me space or follow me around like she's some sort of child that's in need of guidance. She's a person, she can think and act for herself and make her own decisions.

 

As for double-standards, don't wait out on that. If you are being faced with double-standards, drop the contact. Unfairness is BS no matter which side it is stems from.

[PJKino]

There are easy and difficult parts to being both genders, imo.

 

Women: Pros we generally don't have to put too much effort in when getting dates, get chased, it's normally seen as down to the man to impress us, we generally get hit on far more often than men do. Cons you basically put all of the power in the guy's hands, you're encouraged to just sit back and wait, the whole marriage and proposal thing is a minefield, it's one of the biggest decisions of both party's lives and yet females are supposed to sit back quietly and wait for the man to make the move, if she asks for a timeframe or 'pressures' the guy she's told it'll scare him off.

 

Men: Pros they can ask as many women out as they want and it's seen as the normal way. Cons there is a LOT of pressure on men, they are expected to be successful, tall, attractive and are competing with other men for a single woman's attention. They're also expected by some women to pay for everything for the both of them (exploitative much?).

 

On the whole I think it's easier for women as men tend to be expected to put the most effort in. But the whole, sitting back and waiting for a guy thing isn't something I buy into. If I like somebody I'll make it known and then let the guy show me whether he's interested or not. If I'm dating somebody regularly I'll pay for every other date. But admittedly I do seem to have a lot more options than most men do. It seems to always be five men chasing one woman.

 

Just my experience!

 

Yeah its much easier for women lets be honest,women have have alot more options and dont have to stick their neck out on the line early on wheter in approaching or setting up dates.

[Phantom888]

Huh? I thought women are the ones supposed to call. I get a call from my date the next morning, and she always tells me how wonderful the date was. I am used to ladies calling me, so I don't even bother to call first.

[Leigh 87]

If two people really like each other, and a guy really likes me, they ALWAYS text or call me if I don't them.

[Leigh 87]

Look, if you continue meeting guys who you really like and who like YOU too, they WILL text or call and they WILL be responsive to YOU texting and calling.

 

If you keep getting guys who YOU like, who act like your desperate if you call or text them, then they don't really like you back.

 

Some guys play games, but mostly, if a guy likes you he will either call or text you first, or he will eagerly respond to YOU texting or calling them first.

[Missyhissy]

Hi to all who have responded to my rantings. I am appreciative for the positivity in all the replies I got. I actually thought stuff it and I called him. And yes I think he actually needed me to call to show him I was interested. So for all the ladies contemplating calling i think it's a good idea to. Just don't do it ten times. It shows you like them. Anyway I got a nice text from him today so nope doesn't looke like I back fired.

So my advice to anyone man or woman waiting for calls. Just call them. Be casual about. It they don't like it then obviously they aren't too into you and that's great to know because you sure as hell don't wanna wait around for someone who doesn't care. There is always someone who will. It's a shame because the people playing games and by the dating rules probably aren't finding someone who is actually that Into them. GeeZ. I wish I could reply better to each person. I am using my phone and its s**t

 

Thanks everyone.

Missy

[Leigh 87]

Glad you had a good experience:)

 

Yes, some men need YOU to show more interest before they bother with you. Men need to know too, whether you're actually interested in them.

 

My recent ex would text me good morning every day, but when he stopped, I was the one to text him first; he said he was a little upset it took me all day just to contact him, and he would have loved a good morning text for a change, and he felt that he always initiated and he wanted it to be 50/50.

[Missyhissy]

Thanks Leigh.

I think it's important for woman to be able to show men how they feel. A guy shouldn't feel it's being needy. I would think a man would be flattered. A lot of guys are shy and I think if a woman feels confident to make a move they should or these poor shy guys will never make a move. It amazing how they come out of their shell once you boost their ego a little by showing a genuine interest. And like I said before. Too bad if they don't. Wouldn't have worked anyway.

Cheers

Missy

[Missyhissy]

Thanks Leigh.

I think it's important for woman to be able to show men how they feel. A guy shouldn't feel it's being needy. I would think a man would be flattered. A lot of guys are shy and I think if a woman feels confident to make a move they should or these poor shy guys will never make a move. It amazing how they come out of their shell once you boost their ego a little by showing a genuine interest. And like I said before. Too bad if they don't. Wouldn't have worked anyway.

Cheers

Missy

[Leigh 87]

Thanks Leigh.

I think it's important for woman to be able to show men how they feel. A guy shouldn't feel it's being needy. I would think a man would be flattered. A lot of guys are shy and I think if a woman feels confident to make a move they should or these poor shy guys will never make a move. It amazing how they come out of their shell once you boost their ego a little by showing a genuine interest. And like I said before. Too bad if they don't. Wouldn't have worked anyway.

Cheers

Missy

 

 

The right guys will love you showing an interest! This guy didn't work out, however, he did love when I sent him a good morning text! You could tell it made him feel good:love:

 

Of course, initially it is good to see if they initiate their fair share too, and that they also seem happy to hear from you too:)

[ThatMan]

Way to go Missyhissy!

You have a very positive attitude about this and you deserve everything good that may come your way.

[Vyliss]

First of all, stop reading all those free dating advice on the web. The more you read them the more restricted and unnatural you'll become in dating, which works AGAINST you.

 

Rules are there for a reason but most ppl don't know why they are really there so if you don't know why u need to wait for a guy to call, don't follow it, do what your natural instincts tell you to do. There's nothing better than real firsthand experience in dating. Then you really know what works and what doesn't.

 

Also what works for one person may not work for you, you can break every rule in the book and because of that meet the man of your dreams and have him madly in love with you.

 

There's another element at play here if you always make the move, I'd make a guess that if u are the chaser, the kind of guys falling for this will likely be the weaker more passive submissive types. If you are after confident alpha males, you need to play the submissive role because that's what these guys are drawn to. Which one works for you comes down to experience, some girls like slightly more submissive while other girls like more alpha. Submissive or alpha has nothing to do with how nice they actually treat their women. But generally speaking submissive types treat their women like they're god and alpha types more or less want a woman to support them. If you're a supporter go for alpha, if you're a go-getter alpha yourself go for the submissive but stable/support type.

 

Clearly there is a bit of strategy and forethought to dating and getting that right balance often comes from experience, so get out there and date!

[WhiteButton]

Hi to all who have responded to my rantings. I am appreciative for the positivity in all the replies I got. I actually thought stuff it and I called him. And yes I think he actually needed me to call to show him I was interested. So for all the ladies contemplating calling i think it's a good idea to. Just don't do it ten times. It shows you like them. Anyway I got a nice text from him today so nope doesn't looke like I back fired.

So my advice to anyone man or woman waiting for calls. Just call them. Be casual about. It they don't like it then obviously they aren't too into you and that's great to know because you sure as hell don't wanna wait around for someone who doesn't care. There is always someone who will. It's a shame because the people playing games and by the dating rules probably aren't finding someone who is actually that Into them. GeeZ. I wish I could reply better to each person. I am using my phone and its s**t

 

Thanks everyone.

Missy

 

Glad to hear and i really give you big props for taking the initiative and giving him the call. I wish more girls would do this. From guys perspective i can tell you is that, this will let the guy know that you are interested or you like him, he will appreciate this. He will not think you are clingy or needy provided you dont call him every 30 min.

 

I wish more girls are like you. Its all these games that also ruin a potential relationship. Girl likes the guy but she will not initiate the first contact because of what she has read and been told. On the other hand guys makes the initiative in the begging and keeps call/texting after a while he starts wondering, how come she never contacts me and says "hi" maybe she doesn't like me or she is not interested, i better go start looking for another girl that will be more into me. And things fall apart.

[T3930]

The right guys will love you showing an interest! This guy didn't work out, however, he did love when I sent him a good morning text! You could tell it made him feel good:love:

 

Of course, initially it is good to see if they initiate their fair share too, and that they also seem happy to hear from you too:)

 

 

I'm not sure about that because a woman called me last night 3 times in a 12 minute span.

 

If you call and I;m not available you wait for me to call you back