What is he doing...I want him back.

[tnchick1989]

I just would like your advice on what I should do because all of my girl friends seem to be giving me the wrong ideas lol.Me and my exboyfriend met when we were 16. We flirted alot but he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. He stayed in a relationship for a few years with his high school sweetheart but they broke up when high school ended. Me & him started dating when we were 19.

 

We were together for 3 years and very in love. We talked of marriage and kids and everything. My family loved him and his family loved me. The problem was the last year of us being officially together he lied about getting high all the time & it tore us apart. His friends walked all over me and it got to where I wanted him to choose me or them. At the beginning of us dating we smoked together but I stopped. I broke up with him after a huge argument over everything and without sorting thru my feelings immediately started seeing this other guy who caught my eye a couple weeks later. I knew I could not be serious with him but I was having fun. The other guy fell in love with me but I did not have the same feelings. To be honest, it was all about the sex.

 

But my ex left flowers on my car and would sit outside my place begging for me to take him back constantly for 6 months. He said he wanted to grow up and get married and make everything right. I still hung out with him but was still very angry with him. I wasn't ready to take him back. I wanted to make sure he was ready to grow up. I talked to him but nothing else because I had the other guy that he did not know about. After 6 months all of my emotions resurfaced for him and my anger of him lying to me had went away and I was ready to give him another chance & ditch Mr. sideline. Only problem was Mr. Sideline figured out what I was doing and put up a post on facebook about how I had been with him all that time.

 

I decided to tell my ex before he heard it from anyone else and he said I "cheated" on him but we were not together. I know it was wrong and I feel terrible for it. I hurt two people from my mistake. During the 3 years of our relationship I was 100% faithful and treated him like a king. I am not a cheater, I just made a dumb decision before realizing my emotions. He continued to talk to me and come see me for a couple months after finding out but then I heard of him talking to another girl. In fact, he was actually dating this other girl & I had no idea bc he said they were just friends. She just turned 20, lives at home with her mom, and has no job because her family give her $. She does go to community college but has no idea what it is like to be grown up or on her own.

 

She is in party mode though. She is all about getting high and drinking. They even got a puppy together after about a month of seeing each other. He told me when I fount out that he just wanted to have fun and it was nothing serious. He told his mom the same thing that it was all for fun. I ended up overreacting and sending his girlfriend screenshots of him telling me loved me and missed me. She got mad but somehow convinced herself he didn't say it. He ignored me for a couple months because I told her and because he was angry at me for the other guy. I sent him like 3 messages telling him how sorry I was for lying about the other guy and how big of a mistake it was. He would read it and not reply.

 

But would never block me. I have not been with anyone since and do not wish to be until I get past this and know what is going to happen. It is now around 5 months later of him being with her and he told my friend the other day that he was still in love with me but liked this new girl because "she doesn't argue like me and him did". He couldn't admit to being in love with her though and he didnt know if he wanted to give me another chance yet. We talked a little bit the day after for first time in over a month and I asked if I could ask him a question without him ignoring it and he said tomorrow.

 

I sent him a text the next day and he never responded. I seen that his girlfriend was posting about him lying and all this on twitter probably because she either seen the text or he told her about it. Him and her sleep on a couch at his friends house or at stay at her mom's house. They also went to the beach together this past weekend. Idk if he is lying about how serious they are or if it is still a game. We have mutual friends so even things I may not want to know I hear about anyways. We are both 24 and I am torn. I have everything together in my life except the "romance". I have my own place, own car, motorcycle, and I have a year left to completing my bachelor's degree. I have grown up so much since we were together and know that I wouldn't overreact to him smoking as long as he done it in moderation or being so jealous now.

 

I smoke sometimes again now since we split. Since he has been with her, he lost his job where he was making excellent money. He is trying to find another job though. I do not know whether I should continue trying to win him over or if I should let go. This new girl still has not met his parents which I did the first week we were together. This would be our 5th Thanksgiving & Christmas together and I just don't know how else to prove to him we can make things better or why he would talk to me then ignore me but tell my friend he still loved me.

 

I miss him so much and just want our second chance that we deserve. Any advice would help.

Edited October 9, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[reddragon588]

In all honesty, it might be best for you to be single for a while and sort through exactly what you want in a relationship.

[tnchick1989]

Mr. sideline was in fact my rebound. He was not a good person though. I don't want everyone feeling sorry for him. He turned out to be mentally and physically abusive and I had to get away from him.

Also, my ex said he would never date younger girls and made fun of his friends who did. He said that girls who smoked all the time was a turn off and that's why he liked me.

[tnchick1989]

I know what I want in a relationship. I also know what I deserve in a relationship as well. My ex was a great guy other than smoking weed and lying about it. We always had fun together. We lived together for a few months at one point. The only problem I had was him smoking all the time because he would choose that over me. I just don't understand why he would try so hard to get me back and tell me he was ready to settle down only to go get with someone else and probably end up hurting her after he realizes he jumped into something too soon and is not serious about her.

[reddragon588]

I know what I want in a relationship.

 

Ok so you know what you want.

 

My ex was a great guy other than smoking weed and lying about it.

 

And it's not your ex.

 

I want him back

 

But you want him back?

[tnchick1989]

Did you even read my post? I am trying to get my ex back. He is telling our mutual friend he is still in love with me and is not in love with this new girl. But he has not contacted me back. I am trying to seek advice because I do not know if he is playing games with me or if I should wait.

[reddragon588]

Did you even read my post? I am trying to get my ex back. He is telling our mutual friend he is still in love with me and is not in love with this new girl. But he has not contacted me back. I am trying to seek advice because I do not know if he is playing games with me or if I should wait.

 

Never wait. You're worth more than that. Move on as though it is over. Take this time to take inventory of yourself, find areas you can improve on and become a better person.

 

If he loves you, he'll come back. If he doesn't love you, he won't come back. But either way, you'll be on a path to healing and becoming a better person.

 

It's better to assume he won't ever come back and have him come back; then to assume he'll come back and never have him come back.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Just like most post about ex's on this site that are "on the fence":

 

If they wanted to be with you, they would be.

 

Doesn't matter what he tells people. Actions speak and they are saying he may still care about you but not enough to be with you. If he did, TRUST me, you would know.

 

Don't wait. Don't hold on. Dont try to "win" anyone. Move on

[tnchick1989]

That is what I need to hear. Thank you. He is doing nothing about what he says he feels. It's really hard to let go but I have been in no contact for 4 days now but I'm trying my best because I live in such a small town and we had memories everywhere I go.