guys ever feel like you`re just a stepping stone till she meets someone else.

October 9, 2013

It's the opposite of what CTG is talking about. In this case, the woman has found the one she wants BUT he won't commit. She doesn't want anyone else. I've seen this play out time and again. Sometimes over a decade or more.

StanMusial,

Yeah, I agree. I was referring to women who would wait for years for the guy to ask only for it to not happen.

It's psychologically damaging. I mean, such women have such heavy insecurities and baggage that it becomes so difficult to date them. I'm speaking out of experience.

October 9, 2013

StanMusial,

Yeah, I agree. I was referring to women who would wait for years for the guy to ask only for it to not happen.

It's psychologically damaging. I mean, such women have such heavy insecurities and baggage that it becomes so difficult to date them. I'm speaking out of experience.

These men are only stringing them along. They're holding out just in case they can find someone they like better or as an excuse to cheat - "we're not married, so it's not really cheating." These men are also worried they might not find someone else so they keep these women around as a security blanket.

October 9, 2013

These men are only stringing them along. They're holding out just in case they can find someone they like better or as an excuse to cheat - "we're not married, so it's not really cheating." These men are also worried they might not find someone else so they keep these women around as a security blanket.

I agree. Man, do I agree, but it's just dumbfounding how the ladies just don't see it. I mean, how many years before you recognize that this is happening???? YEARS!

October 9, 2013

I agree. Man, do I agree, but it's just dumbfounding how the ladies just don't see it. I mean, how many years before you recognize that this is happening???? YEARS!

For the guys if they feel they have control over you, and you're a pushover, it's like having their cake and eating it, too. It's really a one-sided relationship that caters to the man's needs only.

For the women it's a psychological issue - fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of being alone. Fear of missing out, ie, family, kids.

I think every woman has that thought in their head by a certain age, they have to be in a certain spot in life.

20's - have fun, set a career path, meet "the guy"

30's - marry "the guy", have a career, start a family

Works for some but not for all.

October 9, 2013

I always sorta felt like a stepping stone myself...

Exes would give the bare minimum effort to keep me around, then cheat and take off once a prettier girl was available.

Of course a month or two later when that new girl got tired they'd try to come back to me as the "security blanket" but by then I was long gone.

My most recent ex even told me that he just wanted a girlfriend because he was tired of his friends bugging him about being single, and there I was, available and not a bad choice, so he made me his girlfriend. Talk about depressing to hear -.-

October 10, 2013

These men are only stringing them along. They're holding out just in case they can find someone they like better or as an excuse to cheat - "we're not married, so it's not really cheating." These men are also worried they might not find someone else so they keep these women around as a security blanket.

I don't necessarily agree. My XW and I were together for 5 1/2 years before we got married. I wasn't holding out for something better, I just had subconscious reservations that held me back from just going gung-ho into marriage with her.

As it turns out, I should have paid more attention to those.

October 10, 2013

Lots of my male friends all feel the same way. Women use us for dates dinner movies
then when she meets someone taller better looking or has more money she
jumps to the next guy....

alot of women on profiles say stuff such as must be 6ft or taller
must have blue eyes, must make 6figures all kinds of crazy request.

Alot of women will walk into a room lets say 15guys in 3 seconds she knows what
2 3 guys she is interested in and noone else gets a chance.

do you guys feel like you to are a stepping stone stepped on
untill she meets someone else..

Women are hypergamous by nature. Sorry, man, but they will all want to trade up if given the chance.

Some may appreciate what they have more than others and resist that urge though.

October 10, 2013

In my honest opinion, if all the girls you have dated are like this - you are picking out the wrong types. These women will probably never be satisfied and will continue jumping from to the other. Steer clear of them.

October 10, 2013

Lots of my male friends all feel the same way. Women use us for dates dinner movies
then when she meets someone taller better looking or has more money she
jumps to the next guy....

alot of women on profiles say stuff such as must be 6ft or taller
must have blue eyes, must make 6figures all kinds of crazy request.

Alot of women will walk into a room lets say 15guys in 3 seconds she knows what
2 3 guys she is interested in and noone else gets a chance.

do you guys feel like you to are a stepping stone stepped on
untill she meets someone else..

My whole single life was like this. The few girls that would enter relationships with me always seem to go into it half-heartedly or with some sort of expiration date in mind. Part of it was just being young, but in every case there was always an attraction imbalance working against me from the get-go. Don't know what you can do about that except get out pre-emptively once such an imbalance becomes glaringly apparent.

October 10, 2013

No, because if I feel that, I am out of there.

I need a guy that is crazy about me.

October 10, 2013

No, because if I feel that, I am out of there.

I need a guy that is crazy about me.

What does that really mean, ES?

It almost seems like your setting yourself up where if the guy isnt jumping through hoops and telling you how awesome you are at every turn, then its unacceptable. It seems like a whole lot of idealism and insecurity, I gotta be honest..

I question this because I hear a lot of women having attitudes like this..And you know what? those are the ones that are unhappy, are in a constant state of disappointment, usually divorced multiple times, etc..Life isnt unicorns and rainbows..Many guys can be crazy about you without all the fanfare and hoopla..it almost seems like many women never want "the Honeymoon period" to ever end..So when things settle down to a slow boil, they bail out and start all over with someone else new, so they can get that feeling once again..

Im not criticising here, Ive always found your posts to be very reasonable, just trying to get some understanding of it...I dont expect anyone to be crazy about me, just get along harmoniously and live a content and happy life...I dont need someone to tell me ILY a hundred times a day..Ill believe you if you said it once a week...or even month...

TFY

October 10, 2013

What does that really mean, ES?

It almost seems like your setting yourself up where if the guy isnt jumping through hoops and telling you how awesome you are at every turn, then its unacceptable. It seems like a whole lot of idealism and insecurity, I gotta be honest..

I question this because I hear a lot of women having attitudes like this..And you know what? those are the ones that are unhappy, are in a constant state of disappointment, usually divorced multiple times, etc..Life isnt unicorns and rainbows..Many guys can be crazy about you without all the fanfare and hoopla..it almost seems like many women never want "the Honeymoon period" to ever end..So when things settle down to a slow boil, they bail out and start all over with someone else new, so they can get that feeling once again..

Im not criticising here, Ive always found your posts to be very reasonable, just trying to get some understanding of it...I dont expect anyone to be crazy about me, just get along harmoniously and live a content and happy life...I dont need someone to tell me ILY a hundred times a day..Ill believe you if you said it once a week...or even month...

TFY

I don't need a guy to tell me ILY 100 times a day but I need consistent high interest level.

Which means every day communication, good progression of a relationship, exclusivity and not having lingering attachments to exs, former FWBs or whatever.

It also means never saying certain things such as "I loooove your personality but you are not my physical type, but I still want to be with you. I mean, you can't have it all. It would be like winning the lottery and I am just being pragmatic" - I had a guy tell me that even though he demonstrated high interest otherwise. But I couldn't ever get over it.

I also tend to like men that are romantic, intense and expressive so saying and doing romantic things comes naturally to them. I tried dating more logical and practical types but they bored me to death and could never make me feel the level of passion I need to be happy.

October 10, 2013

I don't need a guy to tell me ILY 100 times a day but I need consistent high interest level.
............

ES, you could get a good vibe from the guy on date 1 as to whether he was pretty keen on you, but I get the impression vast majority of prospective guys don't make it to date 2 with you, so it makes it a bit harder to get to this stage where the guy can demonstrate this. Anyway was wanting to ask are you jealous of any of your friends over their bf's being great catches + still meeting this 'high interest level still' standard year on year?

Its much easier to get that 'I'm the luckiest guy out' consistent interest from a guy if you are the best he could get, but many women don't exactly feel special with that if they sense the guy thinks he's lucked out with someone above his league, and or they had to drop their bf specs to get a guy with that enthusiasm.

I have been a stepping stone a few times. The girls seemed down in confidence when they got with me (or where having a break from jerks), but when their confidence picked up their affection & interest in me faded. Then it was a variation of the 'I don't think we are quite right for each other' breakup line. As someone else mentioned, if you are not totally invested in them, then its no big deal, but if you fell for them, it sucks, but these stepping stone relationships have not to be long term for me. If someone is using someone as a placeholder in a LTR until prospects improve for them (ie weight loss, plastic surgery, new career, inheritance, getting over health issue) then that's pretty ****ty, but from the examples I have seen of this, if the other partner had higher self esteem and expectations (ala ES) they could have picked up on it.

What RonaldS said is true. Being a great lover helps to keep those feet from walking.

October 10, 2013

ES, you could get a good vibe from the guy on date 1 as to whether he was pretty keen on you, but I get the impression vast majority of prospective guys don't make it to date 2 with you, so it makes it a bit harder to get to this stage where the guy can demonstrate this. Anyway was wanting to ask are you jealous of any of your friends over their bf's being great catches + still meeting this 'high interest level still' standard year on year?

Its much easier to get that 'I'm the luckiest guy out' consistent interest from a guy if you are the best he could get, but many women don't exactly feel special with that if they sense the guy thinks he's lucked out with someone above his league, and or they had to drop their bf specs to get a guy with that enthusiasm.

I have been a stepping stone a few times. The girls seemed down in confidence when they got with me (or where having a break from jerks), but when their confidence picked up their affection & interest in me faded. Then it was a variation of the 'I don't think we are quite right for each other' breakup line. As someone else mentioned, if you are not totally invested in them, then its no big deal, but if you fell for them, it sucks, but these stepping stone relationships have not to be long term for me. If someone is using someone as a placeholder in a LTR until prospects improve for them (ie weight loss, plastic surgery, new career, inheritance, getting over health issue) then that's pretty ****ty, but from the examples I have seen of this, if the other partner had higher self esteem and expectations (ala ES) they could have picked up on it.
What RonaldS said is true. Being a great lover helps to keep those feet from walking.

I am not jealous of any of my friend's bfs - not because they don't demonstrate high interest level but because guys are total douches. I think my friends can do far better but got desperate (and it's actually not looks but their intelligence level and immaturity).

Anyway - I don't expect high interest level year after year but I simply can't be with someone who secretly wanted better but I was all he could get. I know most people don't care and are OK with it just so they can have someone - but it would destroy my soul.

I need a guy that will adore me. It's either that or I stay single.

October 10, 2013

I don't need a guy to tell me ILY 100 times a day but I need consistent high interest level.

Which means every day communication, good progression of a relationship, exclusivity and not having lingering attachments to exs, former FWBs or whatever.

It also means never saying certain things such as "I loooove your personality but you are not my physical type, but I still want to be with you. I mean, you can't have it all. It would be like winning the lottery and I am just being pragmatic" - I had a guy tell me that even though he demonstrated high interest otherwise. But I couldn't ever get over it.

I also tend to like men that are romantic, intense and expressive so saying and doing romantic things comes naturally to them. I tried dating more logical and practical types but they bored me to death and could never make me feel the level of passion I need to be happy.

Fair enough....

Men, by nature, are logical and practical(most anyway)...women are emotional..

I hope and wish you find everything youre looking for...

TFY

October 10, 2013

Na. They're a placeholder until I convince Mila Kunis and Jessica Alba to enter a three person relationship with me.

I'm with you on the jessica Alba but since she allready has those lips & willowy figure I need some diversity so i'm gonna make Christina Ricci my 2nd.

also, I don't spend much on women until they are putting out.

A few drinks at most for a first meet/date.

women that are into you though won't care what you do after the first meet because they want to spend time with you.

OLD is a fire & forget tool.

Send the "how's it going?" message & go do something.

Don't take it seriously & spend more time out meeting women.

October 10, 2013

So wrong. Yes that's what women say they want and they are initially drawn to by looks alone but often after that tall handsome opens his mouth, it's all over and she's lost all interest. I find most of the good looking ones to be really boring and uninteresting. Good looking and interesting is actually harder to find than u think.

Also personality means more to a girl than looks in the long run. Many times a woman will fall for a guy just by being more exposed to his personality and giving him a chance based on that. Once she falls in love an average to everyone else is actually cute/handsome to her. That's all that matters. Stop using your looks as an excuse and go out there and talk to girls.

October 10, 2013

I don't necessarily agree. My XW and I were together for 5 1/2 years before we got married. I wasn't holding out for something better, I just had subconscious reservations that held me back from just going gung-ho into marriage with her.

As it turns out, I should have paid more attention to those.

Also, let me add, those in relationships for years before getting married, hardly ever work.

October 10, 2013

It also means never saying certain things such as "I loooove your personality but you are not my physical type, but I still want to be with you. I mean, you can't have it all. It would be like winning the lottery and I am just being pragmatic" - I had a guy tell me that even though he demonstrated high interest otherwise. But I couldn't ever get over it.

How about: I like you but am happy being friends?

October 10, 2013

For me i have never been in a LTR and felt like a steeping stone. I have dated girls that seen me as steeping stone, but i would figure this out fast and end it with them before it could go anywhere.

I cant imagine any self respecting man would stick with it for the long haul knowing he is there only temporary.

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guys ever feel like you`re just a stepping stone till she meets someone else.

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