Replaced Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Some of you may remember me from this previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/425921-might-need-break-4-months-nc Well, in the end, I did contact her today, and the reply I got was more than I can bare. She is in a relationship with a guy who's from Canada and she's from Germany, and it's all online. One of her main reasons for casting me aside was because she said "I don't want to be in a long distance relationship". Sure... Well that tore my guts out. And to add more salt to the wound (not related to breaking no contact). A girl from uni who I got pretty close to over the summer break and thought really like me, has ignored me since uni started, and I saw her tonight getting up close and personal with another guy. So... Tonight has been one of, if not worse nights of my life. And honestly I don't think I want to get past the night. I'm writing up my last few notes and I felt the urge to post on here to help others who are in my position or will be in the future. Do not contact your ex for any reason it will bring you pain, and if possible, do not put your heart into someone else afterwards if there is even the slightest doubt it will backfire. I have been hit hard tonight by the worse pain I have ever experienced. Please for the love of god, if you're reading this and thinking of contacting your ex, DON'T. I hope what has happened to me happens to no one else. For those of you who tried to advise me not to contact, I am sorry I never followed the advice from people who has experience such things as well. I had to experience it the hard way. To all of you trying to cope through such hard times in your life, I wish you nothing but the brightest future ahead, as for me, I fear that future has been taken from me.
Quintessential Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through this pain... At least the one good thing that can come out of this is that you can finally move on, knowing that she has. You don't have to wonder anymore. You now know the truth. I remember the moment when I found out my ex was in a relationship with someone else. I saw a photo of them cuddling on Instagram. I was upset at first, of course. But the knowledge that he had moved on forced me to forget about him. Since then my ex ended his relationship with that girl and contacted me wanting me back. I had been NC for 8 months. I did get back with him, but history ended up repeating itself and we ended up breaking up for the exact same reason as before. Now I'm NC again and had been for a month and I'll admit I'm too scared to break it. I believe that if a long enough amount of time has passed and the ex hasn't got in contact, it is likely they have found someone else. This is even more likely is the ex is the type who hates being alone. My ex is that type which is why I'm not breaking NC because I don't want to know he has someone else.
TrappedWanderer Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks. I needed a good reminder of that just now. I was doing alright for the last 2 days (just broke up with husband a few days ago) until I talked with my mom.....let the floodgates open! NC is good...contact will get me nothing but more hurt and pain. Seriously, I needed to be reminded of this. Thanks and good luck to you....it's gotta get better eventually...right?
AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Your future is still ahead of you. It just does not feel like it now. Do NOT take any precipitous and unalterable action. You can always do something later, but that thing you can never take back. Though I agree about contacting your ex. Bad idea. Even if external circumstances really make it seem like a good idea, bad idea. Really. Really. Awful. Terrible. Idea. 2
AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I'd just like to go against my usual nature and repeat myself. Terrible. Horrible. Awful. Idiotic. Regret inducing. Nausea inducing. Kicking self in the butt inducing. Slap yourself in the face. Stupid. Might as well dip your hand in acid it will ultimately be more rewarding and healthier. Terrible. Horrible. Idea.
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Some of you may remember me from this previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/425921-might-need-break-4-months-nc Well, in the end, I did contact her today, and the reply I got was more than I can bare. She is in a relationship with a guy who's from Canada and she's from Germany, and it's all online. One of her main reasons for casting me aside was because she said "I don't want to be in a long distance relationship". Sure... Well that tore my guts out. And to add more salt to the wound (not related to breaking no contact). A girl from uni who I got pretty close to over the summer break and thought really like me, has ignored me since uni started, and I saw her tonight getting up close and personal with another guy. So... Tonight has been one of, if not worse nights of my life. And honestly I don't think I want to get past the night. I'm writing up my last few notes and I felt the urge to post on here to help others who are in my position or will be in the future. Do not contact your ex for any reason it will bring you pain, and if possible, do not put your heart into someone else afterwards if there is even the slightest doubt it will backfire. I have been hit hard tonight by the worse pain I have ever experienced. Please for the love of god, if you're reading this and thinking of contacting your ex, DON'T. I hope what has happened to me happens to no one else. For those of you who tried to advise me not to contact, I am sorry I never followed the advice from people who has experience such things as well. I had to experience it the hard way. To all of you trying to cope through such hard times in your life, I wish you nothing but the brightest future ahead, as for me, I fear that future has been taken from me. It could be worse . After being dumped a few short weeks ago, last Friday night I was out to dinner with my family and my ex walked into the restaurant with another guy right in front of us. Once she saw us she turned around and walked out. I've never been so hurt or humiliated in my entire life. I wish my ex lived in Canada or Germany. Be thankful you can avoid your ex just by blocking her. And you are so right, resist the urge to break NC or risk being in a world of pain. 1
Nancy87 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 yes u think they still love u and break the NC only to find out they are making love to some one else now.. I hate it 1
lookingforbalance Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I am on day 32 NC, we work at the same place. This morning I had to go into the office area where she works and take some measurements for an upcoming expansion project that I am overseeing. Once she heard my voice, she got up from her desk and stood up the rest of the time I was in there, about 20 minutes. I know there is no answer that will satisfy me, but I still wonder why she would do that. I completely ignored her, while talking, with a smile on my face, to several others in the room. I don't want her back after what she did once our relationship was over, but I would love to have an apology for her decisions, that's all. When I see her, which has been very little since BU on August 4, those feelings come to the surface. Every day gets a little better, but still have bad days and moments. My calender is full 3-4 times a week, and I spend the other nights at home doing the things I enjoy doing. It still gets really lonely, and sometimes the emotion overwhelmes me at night, but I feel like I have so much to look forward to going forward, even though I am hurting now. Going to Maui the first week of November One thing I will say about NC, as the number of days increase that I go NC, the more determined I am not to contact her, as I want that number to continue to climb. Sometimes this is the only thing that keeps me from contacting her, sheer will of the number of days, and several times its been white-nuckle to get through it, but I have so far. It sucks when you unconditionally love someone whose actions deliberately hurt you, without the first thought about your feelings. Stay strong loveshack friends:cool: 1
Petunia20 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 As others have said, now you know the truth and dont wander what she has been up to. Now you're not hoping that she will return if you ever had that hope. At times I so desperately want to contact my ex but I stop because I am scared of what he will tell me. Part of me just wants to hear it from his mouth that he doesnt love me anymore and doesnt want me in his life and to leave him alone. Thats something he has never told me. But i wont pour any more salt in my wound.
AnnaAnna Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I am so sorry you're going through so much pain. I really hope you can get passed this soon and move on with your life. Thank you for all the information. Many times I thought about breaking NC but posts like this help me realize what a bad idea it would be.
Purepony Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Replaced get ahold of yourself I don't want to read these sad threads anymore you need to do something today is going to make you feel better go out there and do something! Do anything go hiking go buy something even if you don't buy anything just go tomorrow keep your mind busy! Go for a drive do anything that will keep you busy for the next few hours instead of looking and reminiscing about this stupid ex! Leave this forum for the next few hours and go do something and report back later and update us Start moving on you drserve to be happy my friend!
Hippie Lady Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Replaced, I understand what you're feeling. Once you break NC a couple of times you realize it's like punching yourself in the face, it's hurts so why do it to yourself? The best situation would be to forget about your ex and perhaps she'll break NC with you one day and you won't even care, or reply That's my hope, but it's going to take time. Here's my question for people who replied to this thread: I understand the concept of NC and moving on, but is it wrong that I am using my ex as motivation to change things in my life at the moment. I know I'm responsible for my own happiness and I am motivated to learn from this (which I have) but since I'm not quite able to forget my ex yet, is there harm in doing things to transform my life with the hopes that one day my ex will hear/see and be jealous or think or me differently? (I don't have FB but my ex does) Thanks and good luck Replaced, remember the lessons you've learned and grow from them! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I understand the concept of NC and moving on, but is it wrong that I am using my ex as motivation to change things in my life at the moment. I know I'm responsible for my own happiness and I am motivated to learn from this (which I have) but since I'm not quite able to forget my ex yet, is there harm in doing things to transform my life with the hopes that one day my ex will hear/see and be jealous or think or me differently? (I don't have FB but my ex does) I think many of us do this. Of course, we shouldn't give one crap about what our ex thinks, but I know that I would take some pleasure in knowing that my ex was even a little jealous or contemplated the BU just a little bit. Motivation? I dunno. But I do know that a small part of me would take pleasure in such a situation 1
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Writing up your last few notes...and felt the urge to post here. Well, if you feel that two girls are worth ending your life over; then you're an idiot. Girl in Germany is having a LDR with some dude in Canada, uh huh....Basically, you want to end your life because she has a frickin PEN PAL! And the girl you got close to over the summer and ignored you once you got to University was getting close and personal with someone else. Damn, must be tough for her to be the ONLY girl at that University! Must be hard to try and please everyone all the time! But, I speculate that she ISN'T the only girl at that school! And you never took the time to meet others! Other girls that would have LOVED to go out on a date with you, or to spend time with you. Dude, seriously. No girl is worth ending your life over. NOT ONE!!! If you're feeling suicidal, then you need to go to the emergency room. DO IT NOW!!!
Author Replaced Posted October 10, 2013 Author Posted October 10, 2013 I think I made it seem too much like I was going to “end it all” that night and such. Well yeah at the time I did want to die to be honest, but if I really wanted to I would have done it in the moment. Forgive me for being over dramatic here but the person I was did die that night though. I spent the whole night and half the next day crying and shaking pretty intensely, to the point where my parents took me the doctors where is was so bad. However, I managed to get through it somehow (with the help of loved ones, which I am lucky to have) and I honestly feel fine for the moment. Mainly because I as said, the person I was died and now I have become mentally stronger, but not in a good way. I mostly have the mentality of “I don’t give a ****”, and emotionally cut off from everything. As Petunia said, now I know the truth and I can really see myself moving on from this now, knowing the type of heartless person she is. @Purepony, These types of threads are gonna be depressing and crappy, as my geography teacher used to say “you can’t polish a turd” (My geography teacher was pretty crazy but awesome ). But as for doing things. I’ve never been so busy in my life, I haven’t stopped for 3 weeks. I’m back at uni, moved into a student house with awesome people, working, reading, fieldwork, studying, activities, societies and lots of socialising. I can’t ask for more stuff. It’s just when those distractions stop when I finally hit my bed or waking from my bed does the downer stuff come back at me, but it won’t be much longer if I can help it. @Chi town, I didn’t feel like ending it all over two girls, they were just a catalyst. Unfortunately my life hasn’t been the easiest going (there are far worse than mine of course). After so many years of mainly negative stuff such as growing up with a paranoid schizophrenic brother who tried to kill me and my family several times due to his condition between my ages of 12-18, being home educated for 4 years with no social life (missed my teen years), never having a real relationship and being betrayed/abandoned by every person I’ve known (excluding immediate family except for that brother), etc. All that, kind of takes its toll on a person. I only, well rather I did only focus of one girl at a time that I felt a connection with, and it’s rare for me to feel that connection. But, I’m not doing that anymore, I’ll let a connection build up over time if needs be. Thanks to those for your kind words, I was in a bad place and yeah I may be there again in the future, but I am ok now. The core of this message still stands to everyone; “DO NOT break no contact!” I am happy I held some of you re-enforce your decision to keep no contact going and I wish you all the best. These are hard times all of us on here are going through, but we will get through it, and in the end we will become stronger from it.
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