Jar1308 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Hey everyone, I am hoping that there will be someone out there who has worked or experienced the long distance relationship when one is on a cruise liner. I met my boyfriend on a cruise liner a year and a half ago. We had a month before i got off, and ever since it has been mainly long distance, with me seeing him every 3 or so weeks on a docking day. I have also gone to Malta where he lives 3 times in the year in his breaks, and have gone on to cruise with him 3 times so that we can spend time together. He has a very close female friend on the ship. I have met her. I know in my heart nothing is going on. Many people have reassured me that there are obviously no feelings involved, but they are incredibly close brotherly/sisterly. Two nights ago, they had an overnight in Istanbul and went out with a group of guys and girls, smoked shisha and drank. She put up photos and the first one was of him holding the shisha pipe to his groin, throwing his head back whilst she sucked on the other end of it. This she put on facebook. I saw this is flipped. Not only am i insulted and hurt, i find it so disrespectful of her of putting this up where she knows i would see it and disgusting that my partner would be exerting such sexual behaviour when I am away. They both explained that everyone was doing it as a joke to one another and they promised again and again that no harm was meant and that the thought that it would be hurtful to me didn't even cross her mind because they were all just having a laugh in the moment. Should I feel as betrayed as I do that this is disrespectful of him, or do i just take it with a pinch of salt and try and deal with the idea that this is ok as long as it's innocent. (I shoud add that my boyfriend has been working on ships for 6 years, and it is a warped place where people act how they want, whether they are single or not, and get away with A LOT, and i think he has become used to the idea that this behaviour is ok). Please help!
Janesays Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I'd have a serious problem with this, too. So no, I don't think you're overreacting.
Polak Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I've never closely known someone from a ship (nor have I ever been on a cruise, so I don't know the "typical behavior" you're referring to). That being said, if they reassured you that it was an in-the-moment kind of joke, I can understand where they're coming from. Some people let loose a bit in weird situations. What I would have a problem with is if instances like this repeatedly occurred. If it was me in your shoes, I might let this time slide just cause it hasn't happened before. But next time, I wouldn't be so light with it. The whole question here is this: is your boyfriend truly attempting 100% to keep the relationship with you thriving? Is he serious about the whole thing? Or kinda just having fun with his life? If he really valued what he has with you, there's no way in hell he would be pulling raunchy stunts like that, even if it's with a close female friend. It's kinda disrespectful in my opinion. You know him best though.
Solcita2 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I understand what you mean. Said that... Do you know all the stories about flight attendants and pilots going around? They say everybody sleeps with everybody, no matter if they're single, married or in a relationship... because you're far away from home and nobody will tell the significant other about it, because everybody does it. A friend of mine is a flight attendant, she told me this... she said "everything you hear, it's truth... and more"... however she got married to a pilot of a different company... this means they don't travel together and they have a lot of time apart from each other... and they do trust each other... I think, no matter everything you hear about cruise workers, it depends on the type of person your SO is... I'm amazed by how much you're able to see him, you see each other very much... did he ever give you other reasons not to trust him? In the other hand... you already told what you felt about it... you didn't like it now the best you can wait is not to happen again. The only thing bothering me is the fact that THEY MIGHT NOT POST PICTURES... that's the part that won't happen... however, the behavior, not so sure... It depends on the type of person he is and the way he consider your relationship to be. You have to make a decision, can you live with him being away from you and not sure of what he does on board? If you do, if you can trust him, then your relationship might continue, however if you don't, you better finish things because it will be very hard for you and for him to mantain a relationship without trust... Hope it turns out for the best..
Author Jar1308 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks for the replies. The thing is I trust him. I know in my heart and in every way that he will not and has no cheated on me. We both make a lot of effort to talk and to be honest, I am the only one who has actually done the larger scale things of flying to his home country to visit him and take time off work to visiti him on the ship. This is kind of the way it has to be...but I still feel it is unbalanced. YOu are right that the behavious may continue. And I will not know. This is the part I am finding hardest. The fact that he promised before he would try and tone it down and then this happens makes me realise that he just doesn't realise how much I mean this....maybe I let it go too quickly last time (although it was only a tiny bit of flirting infront of me and nothing as insulting as this behind my back). I am lucky enough to be going to work on the same ship as him in 3 months, so it's only a little while until we will be spending a lot of time together finally. Both him and her have separately told me they will honestly try to make sure behaviour that i find disrespectful doesn't happen again. But I can not be sure they will. I think my way of actually dealing with this is to back off a little. I learnt a lot about him that night and I think I need to not be so available all the time cuz I think he thinks I am right there all the time waiting, while he is free to go out and do what he likes. I feel he was being stupid and a little immature and got caught up in the moment...he also always gets to be a bit of a show off in groups and wants to be the funny one....but in this case it was to the detriment of my feelings which he gave no thought too. I am just not sure how best to proceed. (A smaller issue is that he smoked shish as well and I have a HUGE problem with smoking that he knows. He has never and said he never will smoke. He also obviously didnt realise that it still has nicotine/tar/tobacco in it and he put up pictures that revolt me. Once again, an example of what i find quite a childish attitude of going against what you believe because you think it 'looks cool'. Really put me off a bit).
Criticality Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 (edited) Jar, you're overreacting. The hookah pibe blowjob deal sounds and looks more like something two guy friends would think up and do. I really think you can relax here if you trust your boyfriend. People that are in the process of being attracted/falling for each other don't make or post pictures like that. It's something goofy friends do. I think you should apologize to them for overreacting. Or just mention that you overreacted because of the distance. You don't wont to be seen as the overtly jealous girlfriend. You don't want your boyfriend to speculate what you'll say every time he comes up with a goofy idea. And you especially don't want to plant the idea in their heads that they are too close to each other, or anywhere in the vicinity of a sexual relationship. He probably thinks of her as her goofy/silly friend to have a good time with. You don't want to plant the idea in their heads that they're doing something sexual or inappropriate, if you know what I mean. That's just my opinion, but no matter which way you look at it, there is nothing sexy or attractive about a partner who freaks out about a stupid joke posted on Facebook, you know what I mean? Edited October 11, 2013 by Criticality
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