summerwoes Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Very long backstory which can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/407826-no-contact-exceptions for those who are curious. The short story is my gf broke up with me in July and I went no contact but planned to see her when we both got back to school. Changed my mind about it and went three more weeks NC for a total of 10 weeks. When we met we talked and I told her I wanted to try again and work on our problems. She was hesitant at first and said she came really close to having sex with another guy on our break (this was a big deal for us because we were each other's firsts). I decided to try again with her but something just didn't feel right. I kept asking about this thing with the other guy and each time she changed her story a little more. At first she said she was too drunk and doesn't remember anything but that the next morning it felt like she had done it down there. Then she said that she remembered having sex but that the guy essentially took advantage of her (slightly physically but more so ignoring her in her drunken state). Then her story changed again and she said he didn't abuse her physically but didn't stop when she said "no" and he ended up having sex with her when she didn't want to. After this her story changed again and she added that the next morning the same thing happened but that she wanted it to be her decision this time and so she agreed to have sex with him willingly. I got these details over the course of 2 weeks where we were dating on and off with me breaking it off every time her story changed (it got progressively harder for me to accept) Our last breakup was pretty bad and I felt really bad the next morning and asked her if she wanted to try one last time. We talked a lot about what happened that night and I decided that it was worth to try (really try) one more time no matter what happened that night. We also talked about letting me have sex with another girl just once so that we would be "even" and left it at that. She was totally on the same page even though it would hurt her but agreed she would want the same if it was the other way around. Fast forward to now (about 2-3) weeks later and she is so much more into our relationship than ever. Even more into it than me and I'm the once who broke contact and asked her for another chance. I love her but I she's not what I want. I want her to be mine, before she had sex with this other dude and that's something I can never have. When I hang out with her and we cuddle or have sex there's always that "pit in your stomach" feeling mixed in with the love feeling.Whenever we walk around campus I always wonder where the other guy is and once I start thinking about her with him I get seriously sad...verging on depressed and I've never had those feelings before. What should I do here?? Part of me thinks our relationship is so ****ed up already and that it would be so much less stressful to find someone new or just do random hookups for a while. But every time I think about breaking up with her I remember how I felt that week when I broke up with her literally like every 2-3 days and how regretful I was. Do you guys think it would help if I did have sex with another girl? Should I try it at least before breaking up with her or would this only make our relationship even more ****ed up. Thanks for any help guys.
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 What are you, twelve?? Jeesh! Drama-rama-ding-dong!! She screwed someone else, and lied to you about it. You're clingy, desperate and low on self-esteem. You need to break away from her, because frankly, the scenario is ludicrous.... break up, for good, go No Contact, stay No Contact, meet other girls. Not necessarily to have sex with them, but to realise that other better, more faithful, honest and dedicated girls DO exist. 4
tlegend Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Any continued contact with this breezy will skew your future vision of what a healthy relationship is like. I agree with the previous poster. Move on, move along. Of course with your hormones raging at that age, and because of the accessibility, it would not surprise me if you just ignored our advice.
Author summerwoes Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Let me clear some things up: 1)She broke it off because of GIGS and cried the whole time saying she thought it was a mistake but couldn't stop herself. It wasn't like she broke up to **** around and hoped to get back together in the future. She is one of the most honest, dedicated, cute, and tender girls I've ever met. 2) I am not clingy. If anything she's the one who always asks if we can study together, work out together etc. I live in a fraternity house (and one of the best here) and girls just flock to us so accessibility is not an issue. I hooked up with 7 girls over the three weeks we were back at school and still apart, and a couple of them wanted more than just sex. 3) I am fairly attractive, smart, on a club team and international so girls are not hard for me to get and my self-esteem is a lot higher than you seem to think it is. With that being said my problem is that she is TOO GOOD. She's extremely smart (engineer), social (in a good sorority), attractive (6foot, blonde/green eyes, slender, cute face), athletic (also plays a club sport), and driven, for me to just drop the relationship and break up! And for whoever else is reading this I'd prefer replies that feel more like they're actually trying to help and less like personal attacks please. Thanks you!
MrCastle Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 She wants you to have sex with someone else so she can feel better about herself and what she did. What's stopping her from continuing this behavior? As in, admitting she slept with another man but it's cool because you can go and sleep with another woman? The relationship is tainted and sleeping with someone else won't change that. I would break up with her and move on personally, but that's me.
Woggle Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 If she is okay with you being with another women she doesn't love you very much. 1
Author summerwoes Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Woggle, she's totally not but she thinks (rightfully to some extent) it will help me accept and completely get over that she did to0, and It will help us move on in the relationship. The other alternative being that its just too much for me to handle and that I will break up with her again soon and for good if she doesn't give me this other option. The thing is I've been trying to get over it without sleeping with another girl but its been really ****ty and I'm not getting anywhere. I feel like if I did have sex with someone else it would be less for the excitement of it and more so that when I think of her with that other guy I can think that we're on the same page and have BOTH had that experience.
heartshaped Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I'm a little confused..were the two of you broken up when she slept with this other guy? At any rate, I'm sorry to say, but this relationship is tainted. There's no coming back from this.
Midnight_Princess Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 You can sleep with 50 girls and it wont change the fact she slept with someone else. Have you not heard the old "two wrongs dont make a right"?
Author summerwoes Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 (edited) heartshaped, yes at that point it had been close to 3 months since she had broken up with me. Midnight, it's not about getting back at her and I don't really see it as a wrong. Its just a way of getting back on even footing and I think that physiologically knowing that I've also been with someone else will help me cope when I get down on the fact that she's been with another guy. I presented it to her like this way and she agreed with me and said it she hoped it would let me get over it and allow us to move forward without holding us back. Thanks for the responses guys. Edited October 9, 2013 by summerwoes Edited for more info.
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