How can i make our relationship works when he seems to think im half way out the door

[Lex.R]

So I wrote here before about me and my bf.

In short I love him, and we are really happy, well I thought we were!

But he often says stuff about me being out of his league, which isn't helped by other people making comments to the same effect.

The feedback in that thread was I needed to be more, enthusiastic I guess, when denying these comments.

 

Which I've done, and he has stopped saying it as much, and we've genuinely been raly good, strength to strength.

 

Thing is his nan came over last week from Canada, first time she's been in years. So I see her and his little sister out shopping so I go rolling over to say hi, and she had no idea who I was, had no idea her grandson even had a girlfriend - like are you kidding me? Did I feel like a right idiot!

 

So I was saying this to him, I wasn't even particularly mad or anything I was just saying 'boy did I feel stupid, you could of told me you hadn't told her etc'

To which he says 'sorry, I just didn't want her to get carried away, she'd be getting her hopes up for a wedding'

I was like 'why are you opposed to making an honest women of me Mark?' - I was still just joking at this point, but then he launched into this...

you've got to understand Lex, I love you, you know I do but I feel insecure, that's the truth, I've never ever felt like this before.'

I said to him 'Mark I love you, I'm here because I want to be here, I don't want anyone else but you, I don't know how else to say it babe im crazy about you'

and he just went 'I know you are Lex, and I think your amazing, theres so much more to you than meets the eye and there aren't many girls who would be so prepared to disregard what everyone else says but I cant but feel that one day your gonna wake up and your gonna listen, and I couldn't blame you. I love you, I take everyday as something special not a right, I cant sweetheart, so I cant think to far ahead'.

 

ARghh, im fuming, that hurt so much!

No ne has ever hurt me that much, even my ex, I was embarrassed by what he did but never devastated - we didn't ever get on that well tbh, but Mark, I see a future with him, im not in any hurry to rush down the aisle but I can imagine marriage with him, kids with him, but not if he turns round and after all this time basically says he doesn't trust me!!

 

I cant believe he thinks that!! Ive don't nothing to warrant him thinking that! I imitated the whole relationship, I've always been driving our relationship forward, it's me who initiates PDA's.

 

Half of me is p*ssed at him and I also feel like maybe I should get over myself and try to reassure him but WTF more can I do?

 

I don't want this relationship to go to the wall, I really really don't! I thought we were solid.

I grew up with 4 older brothers, close in age to me, and they are and always were my heroes - sure they tortured me when I was little but we were always close and I learnt to be loud & headstrong and I was quite the tomboy growing up, you wouldn't know that now from the outside, so laying it all on the table probably what you see isn't quite what you get with me

My ex, yes he as a very attractive guy, but he wanted a girl who'd look nice on his arm and stroke his ego rather than challenging him but that's not me, no way, we we're destined to fail - he irritated me and I am probably quite hard to handle and he wanted a yes-man. And I will always remember when I wouldn't take him back him saying to me that we we never stood a chance cause no one would ever measure up to my brothers in my eyes - and I actually started to believe that till I met Mark.

And that's why I don't think we're that mismatched because I get on with him better than I have with any other guy ive dated!! I love him!

 

And I would always of argue that my ex's are far more insecure men than Mark cause they couldn't take a girl with a bit of a tomboy heart - but now I dunno, I feel like he just gave up on me!

 

urgh im just ranting now!! sorry!! It kind of helps just to put it all down!

[Shepp]

Two questions: How long have you been dating, and roughly what kind of ages are you?

[Lex.R]

Two questions: How long have you been dating, and roughly what kind of ages are you?

 

7 1/2 months we've been dating, I'm 20 he's 21.

[Shepp]

You can be mad at him - but you wont solve a thing...he cant help if he feels like your gonna leave him, especially if its not jus tin his head but he knows other people are voicing this to you and to him.

 

Equally I don't think you have to fall over yourself to reassure him, he didn't actually say he was going anywhere did he??

 

In which case just stick it out - if you keep not going anywhere he'll start to get the message.

[kenneth1010]

Does he have an artistic side?

Any interest in playing a musical instrument?

How about learning another language?

What sport does he like?

 

Finding something that he would like to do is a good way for somebody to grow. I wouldn't suggest too many things to start off with, let him get better and gain more confidence with one or two things. He will start to like himself more and more each day.

 

You said he is a quick learner. Maybe he will take up the challenge.

[Lex.R]

Does he have an artistic side?

Any interest in playing a musical instrument?

How about learning another language?

What sport does he like?

 

Finding something that he would like to do is a good way for somebody to grow. I wouldn't suggest too many things to start off with, let him get better and gain more confidence with one or two things. He will start to like himself more and more each day.

 

You said he is a quick learner. Maybe he will take up the challenge.

 

Well this is the thing - its not like he isn't a confident guy, a little shy yeah, but fairly self-assured when it comes to everything but out relationship.

 

He plays rugby at the weekends.

He plays guitar as well, sings a little too....I tried to get him to go on xfactor but her wasn't having it!

 

Its literally just when it comes to us he'll have this 'i'm not good enough' type attitude! I don't want him to feel like that y'know? I don't want to be put on a pedestal - im not perfect, its hard to live up to someones idea that you are.