rezubazs Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) Hello everyone who reads this, I just recently broke up with my ex of one year and I do not regret it in the least. I've had break-ups before, but this is the first time the effect of the break up is minimal. Due to feeling this way I'm a little worried that maybe i was the problem in the relationship so I thought it may be a good idea to outline parts of the relationship that were my fault for the sake of self improvement should I require any. Long story short I ended the relationship with her because I was sick of every argument being my fault, I was tired of her being the last person I could count on when I was upset, and above all else I was sick of being this unfinished project. I felt like I would never be worth anything until I landed a job as an executive at Controls the world inc. In the beginning I was carrying some intense baggage, I suffered from P.T.S.D and still was hung over an ex. My trust issues were through the roof and I admit that was grounds for her to break up with me should she choose to. My mistrust in her developed after an incident in which while she was at work(I used to talk to her while she waited for her shift) and I was on the phone with her a co-worker asked her for a sexual favor and she laughed and told me that she had to go then hung up. When I started to worry later on she explained to me that "He was gay and her family makes sexual jokes so shes used to it" Needless to say her later telling me her coworker had a big bed and other things kind of scared the living daylights out of me and I wasn't too fond of her coworker gay or not. She ended up quitting that job because "Her boss was a bitch" and "This is bull-****". We use to have issues in which anywhere I went on my own without giving her a heads up would make her angry. If we were walking together in the mall and I tried to go into a store that caught my interest she would stop me and ask me where was I going. She however would constantly take me into stores that caught her interest and we would deal with what she needed and then if we had time (which we often didn't) go into a store I liked. I grew tired of having to explain all the time why I wanted to go into a clothing store while she didn't. Her sister at one time told her that she treated me like a puppy. Aside from my trust issues I tried my best to be supportive and give her all the attention she needed and she was grateful. She was hired on to another job which terminated her immediately due to her immigration status and she had no choice but to go back to her old job. Her boss offered to start giving her an allowance for the bus in addition to her normal paycheck which was great for a while, but my ex soon quit because "she knew what she was worth" and "This is bull-****" Since the beginning even though she made more money than me I refused to let her pay for anything. I covered food, her bus fair most times if I was with her and her phone bill, something I would later regret. She landed another job working mainly with men and my trust issues became unreasonable. When she would come home at 2 A.M. after an 11 hour shift, I would ask her was she sure nothing happened and if she was sure she loved me. She told me some of the people she worked with would joke flirt with her and one of her co-workers asked her for sex. Eventually I seen the pressure I placed on her and she warned me that she couldn't take it so I told her I'd fix it. For about a month I was able to keep telling myself she wouldn't do anything like that, but her stress at work caused her to lash out at me and the amount of time we spent together went down the drain. I understood she didn't have the time to spend with me, but I became a little upset that she found time to spend with friends and family. I realized that maybe my trust issues drove her away and if they did it was my own fault and it had to change. I busted my ass to change, first I worked on worrying about her cheating. When I worried I wouldn't tell her and I replaced all my normal worried questions with "How was work" and "You must be tired" eventually she was able to come home at 2-4 in the morning with no nagging from me. The one thing I didn't believe and still don't believe is that she loved me. Trust issues are hard to over come, but I did it for her sake yet she kept lashing out at me and shifting everything I said into me blaming her and causing her to need to go. She eventually quit that job due to her boss "Being bull****" and started looking for another job. The relationships started bothering me when trying to talk to her about issues that bothered me about her made her flee or get royally pissed. Her attitude was intense and horrific, I told her that since I fixed my trust issues she should change her attitude and be more respectful to which she responded "You kind of fix them" and that if I was so unhappy with her I should have left. We both got new jobs and while at work a co-worker made an advance and I politely explained to her that I was happily taken. I told my ex and she for a little while worried as I used to. The difference between me and her was I explained in detail that she was the only girl for me and would comfort her and make her feel special. I know first hand that telling someone you love them isn't enough (all cheaters do that) you have to show the person. While nowhere near as bad, my getting back into shape and being around a lot of women worried her yet her attitude intensified. My job changed me for the better. and while I worked it there were no trust issues on my part and I didn't have the time to argue with her. She on the other hand had plenty of time to argue with me and explain to me that a second job would soon be required on my part. She was enamored with her new job but was let go due to ...her boss telling her she had a bad attitude at work. I told her that I would support her as best as I could. After a very long post here's the start of why i needed to break up with her. My job did change me for the better and she was becoming more critical and it felt like my support from her was cut off. I had to start relying on friends when I needed advice because asking her for advice turned into her telling me what i need to do then having to deal with her attitude if I did things my way. She started telling me to fake smiles in public because I was embarrassing her, One of the last straws was an issue in which she needed tissue paper when she asked I fell asleep it was about 1 A.M. when I woke up about 30 minutes later to use the bathroom she said she still needed tissue so I gave her the last of it she balled it up and said "IS THIS IT?!?!" I told her it was all we had and tried to go back to sleep. She kept repeating "Is this all seriously???" I tried to go to sleep to avoid an argument, her reaction was to snatch a pillow from under my head and tell me she was done, she was going to sleep on the floor and leave first thing in the morning. I got up ask her to come back to bed she said "NO I'M DONE I"M LEAVING TOMORROW" I told her if she wanted to go she could go but I didnt want her to sleep on the floor and told her she was acting like a psycho (Which was wrong) She got up and tried to leave to which i told her to leave in the morning because I don't want her driving so late at night in a bad neighborhood ( I was genuinely worried) She told me that I threw her out. I eventually apologized and convinced her to come back to bed. Day in and day out we argued over something I did or how I spent my money. I seriously didn't know what she was in love with. I tried to talk to her when I was stressed and she told me that i should keep it to myself. She would tell me she loved me, but there was no way I could believe that. I prayed to god to help me find a way to deal with it and I believe it was answered. An ex of mine (Who ended on good terms) found me. I explained to her what happened and told her about my trust issues and that the relationship was my fault, but she reminded me I've always had trust issues, but I'm a good man in every other aspect and that I always have a reason for not trusting such as coming home after a 12 hour shift which was supposed to be 6. I explained to her other issues which I won't type because this is already a novel, and my ex made it clear that I should be happy and my girlfriend should be there for me as much as I am for her. I tried explaining to my ex that I wasn't happy and that I couldn't take not having her support and she cut me off to tell me that "Her mom thinks I'm crazy" Because It took me an hour to text her back after she told me she was with an old male friend. I told her that I wasn't thinking bad and she told me that I was and I'm not there for her and now I'm breaking up with her. I explained to her I was calling to suggest that we get a counselor but that i just change my mind to ending the relationship. She texted me once and I told her to not text me anymore. To which she responded something, I don't know what it said, i deleted it and am moving on. My other ex was right, and I knew all along that even with trust issues I deserve respect and love. Her changing jobs and getting into trouble because of her attitude should have been a red flag as well as her trying to change me. I truly believe if not for her co-worker asking that favor, her sexual past and her making me feel like garbage I would have trusted her. I realize that while I have trust issues, most of my mistrust was due to her placing me lowest in her list of priorities. Edited October 8, 2013 by rezubazs Typo
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