Packersfan208 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 To make it short and sweet (I will add more when it's not right before work and I haven't been up for 2 hours being a mope), the relationship started off great but about 3 months in I found messages from her ex. There was nothing particularly incriminating in them, but she was always very critical about who I talked to (female friends, Ex's, former flings, etc.) and during those first few months I was doing my best to concede to her needs without completely removing these people from my life and changing who I was for someone so soon. So to find these messages which were almost on a daily basis (not including the text which only exist in deleted text message land now), and remembering how poorly she spoke of him and the break up, it pretty much blew my mind that something like this would be going on so early in the relationship. At the same time, perhaps I was being naiive and should have expected it. Since then, the "trust" in our relationship has been somewhat of a fallacy, something that we pretend and strive to cherish but doesn't really exist.
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 You were an option, not a priority. At worst you're a rebound, and at the very least she's not over her past. Do yourself a favor and let this breakup extend forever. 1
Author Packersfan208 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 @Philosoraptor You may be right. I am trying to be as optimistic as possible. Unfortunately, since then the trust has been non-existent and has led to a string of bad decisions on both of our ends. The tough part is we always find a way to reconcile as she insists she wants to be with me and continues to do a lot of the little things I appreciate about her. But, when it hits the fan, which it has been at least once a week rather consistently, she goes out with her friends and I hear all the stories second hand from my friends who saw her. She makes it hardest because she uses my actions (ignoring her, getting argumentative, etc.) as a reason for her actions, which has turned into a vicious, repetitive cycle. She says that she wants to be with me and sees a future, and it is always a conversation that I avoid as I am only 23, we have only been together for a little over a year, and I don't want to put unfair pressure on the relationship. At times I feel as if she is just sticking it out so that I have to be the bad guy who breaks her heart and, in my opinion but everyone thinks I'm crazy for thinking so, gives her free will to behave as she pleases after the break up, also one of the things that gives me so much anxiety over the issue. I am afraid I am hanging around for the wrong reasons. At times I really want to make it work, but she is so hypocritical on some issues like talking and hanging out with other people that it only pushes me away and causes me to do the exact opposite of what she wants. I know I am rambling a bit but my friends are done listening to the sob stories and I am losing faith, so I am hoping to get some new less biased advice.
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 It's clear she is doing what she can to make you the bad guy and validate her own choices. It's always going to be your fault in her eyes, as she can't look herself in the mirror. You are guilty here as well, by choosing to be with a manipulative liar even after she'd shown her stripes. Seems like your ego is the only thing keeping you around, as you can see the logic here. Don't worry about what she is doing or who she is doing. She's losing a honest repsectful person. On the other hand you are gaining the chance to find someone honest and caring after escaping from this manipulative liar.
Author Packersfan208 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 still going back and forth, feeling more pathetic by the day. I realize more and more that I need to move on, I just can't find the strength to make that push. I have been thinking lately that she may need to be out of my life completely, at least for a while, but when I try to think about her with other people, it still makes me cringe. I don't know how to make it happen, I feel like I have a defect lol.
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