moveONorStay Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Looking for some advice, please. I have been dating a truly fabulous girl for about 7 months. During this time we have become very close and I feel like I would do anything for this girl. When I met her, she had a wrist injury that required surgery, so in the beginning, activities had to be gentle and careful. I wanted to support her through this...she is a performing arts major doing a masters so getting back to full fitness was very important. During the summer she had the surgery which was extremely rough for her. She was in excruciating pain. We both are alone in this city away from our families so I was her only support here. I found myself feeding her, clothing and even bathing her in the weeks after the surgery. She has mentioned countless times how much she loves me and that she would never have been able to get through all of this without me. I was just happy to support someone who I care for and love. I had a crazy schedule in the summer and found myself leaving her at 5:30 in the morning and coming back to help her again after 8pm. It was exhausting but I wanted to be the for her, no matter what. Now that she is almost recovered and back at school (which she now has a crazy workload at, giving her almost no social time) I feel like there really hasn't been that much time for us together. The relationship is missing intimacy, which I was happy to forego during her rough spell...but now I feel like I need more. I am highly driven sexually and I'm used to having very regular sex with my significant other. I've tried to communicate this with my gf but it hasn't changed. We have plenty of intimate moments and a lot of hugging and kissing but we only actually have sex once, or if I'm lucky, twice per week. This makes me feel like she doesn't really desire me or isn't attracted to me, even though it really could just be down to the fact that she has had a tough summer and is now back in the deep end at school with an extremely crazy workload. I try to take her and pick her up from school whenever I can to save her the 20 minute walk and help pick up groceries etc or do whatever I can because she is always exhausted after school. I just feel the relationship is one sided. Am I being selfish to hope that a couple of nights/mornings per week she can find even just 30 minutes to be intimate with me? I don't really think it is a lot to ask. I'm beginning to feel quite unfulfilled in the relationship and would hate to lose her as she truly is a spectacular one of a kind girl...but I just don't feel like my needs are being met in this, especially when I try to do everything I can for her....even when we are intimate, I am more the giver! Because giving her pleasure and enjoyment is what I enjoy most about it! Am I being selfish? How do I explain that this is affecting the relationship?
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 First, you need to take some time for yourself. You can't live your life taking care of her and having her reactions be your be all and end all. Next you need to sit her down and let her know how happy it makes you when you two have time together to be close. Life is not a happy one for a relationship martyr.
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