selfimprovement Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Met this girl a little less than two weeks ago at a grad school party. She just started her program, and I am in my last year of my program. I decided to do a little social experiment and gave her my number instead of getting hers. We had our first date 3-4 days later. It went very well. A lot of kissing that night. Second date was at her place because she wanted to "have a chill night and watch a movie together." I'm sure you can guess what happened that night. It's been about four days since the last time I saw her, and we are going on a third date tonight. We will probably have sex again tonight because we had so much fun last time I spent the night at her place. However, I feel that she and I need to discuss soon where we are headed. Are we FWBs? or are you looking for something more serious? I think she and I need to talk about this so that no one really gets hurt. When should I have an honest conversation like this with her? Or should I not have one at all?
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Well first you need to figure out what you want, then go from there. Do you want a relationship or do you want to keep this casual? If you want a relationship, and feel you're ready to have that talk, then you'll need to bring that up. If you want to keep it casual, just let it stay the course.
Guitarisgood Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Don't bring it up. Full stop. You have only known her for less than 1 month and you're already thinking about all this stuff? Stop overthinking and enjoy the ride. Even better, keep your mind off everything and don't become too emotionally or physically attached. Anything can happen. It is up to the girl to have this conversation. You're the guy - you should be spinning dates or better yet, be busy with your own life. You have to make the girl chase you - which you did good by giving her your number and getting her to call you. Don't fall into the trap of getting too comfortable and expecting things to happen. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 It's only been two weeks...where do you want this to go? Do you want something serious? You're kind of put into an awkward position now that the two of you have had sex. Normally I'd say two weeks/third date is wayyyyy too early to have "the talk," but personally I like to establish exclusivity with someone before becoming sexually intimate. So I guess my point is that you've kind of gone about this in the wrong order, if a serious relationship is what you want. If you just want an FWB-type arrangement, no need to bring anything up so soon. Just make sure to use protection.
Phantom888 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Don't bring it up. Full stop. You have only known her for less than 1 month and you're already thinking about all this stuff? Stop overthinking and enjoy the ride. Even better, keep your mind off everything and don't become too emotionally or physically attached. Anything can happen. It is up to the girl to have this conversation. You're the guy - you should be spinning dates or better yet, be busy with your own life. You have to make the girl chase you - which you did good by giving her your number and getting her to call you. Don't fall into the trap of getting too comfortable and expecting things to happen. I disagree with this. It's NOT up to the girl to have this conversation. The burden of starting a relationship goes both ways. If you want to take it further, talk about it. If you are not into casual hookups, then make that known to her. Don't play games. If you really like her, move forward with her. There are no rules when it comes to love....at least there should not be.
fanine Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 In all my dating life I've never had 'the talk' with anyone. It just kind of happened and it was clear pretty quickly we were exclusive....that included two nine year relationships. I think often it is best to just go with the flow, see what develops. No games, just act natural, enjoy it and see what transpires.
mammasita Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Well since you did the deed so very quickly - she may just want a fling and/or be the just a fling kinda girl. I disagree with the people who say keep your mouth shut though. PSH, please - have we not all learned that communication is key? Say something depending on what you want it to be. 1
WhiteButton Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I would not bring the "where do we stand" talk after 3 dates. Dude its waaayyyy to early for this. You dont even know if you will like this girl 2 months from now. Give it more time, get to know her and let her get to know you too. Eventually things will fall in place, but you need to give it more time.
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