organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 2 1/2 mo bu due to gigs, with lc up until last week when I finally went full on NC. Her birthday is thursday which makes it even harder this week on me as I remember last year's birthday with her (we were together almost 3 years, she 33, me 42.) And today I get word my godfather has passed away. I'm still hurting over the BU and now I have this. All I want is to reach out and talk to her, see her, to have some comfort from her, but I can't. On the upside, I will see family this weekend I haven't seen in years. Some 20 years. And I will see my parents who I haven't seen in 2 years (I live 3000 miles away). So maybe seeing family right now due to this death is somewhat of a blessing. what i need. But I so want her right now to help me thru this.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 2 1/2 mo bu due to gigs, with lc up until last week when I finally went full on NC. Her birthday is thursday which makes it even harder this week on me as I remember last year's birthday with her (we were together almost 3 years, she 33, me 42.) Just had to comment here as your 'stats' are almost identical to mine: Me: 42 (on the 15th) She: 32 Dated 3 years Also, lost mine due to GIGS, I think. I know she just craves the excitement of the Honeymoon Stage and also dreads being alone, so a recipe for LTR disaster. Went LC for a while after BU, then finally NC (7 months now)... Well... here's to us, Chaos 1
Author organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Just had to comment here as your 'stats' are almost identical to mine: Me: 42 (on the 15th) She: 32 Dated 3 years Also, lost mine due to GIGS, I think. I know she just craves the excitement of the Honeymoon Stage and also dreads being alone, so a recipe for LTR disaster. Went LC for a while after BU, then finally NC (7 months now)... Well... here's to us, Chaos Yep, pretty similar situation. You'd think by that age people would know what they want.
Author organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 What does GIGS mean? Look at the thread stickied at the top of this forum.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Yep, pretty similar situation. You'd think by that age people would know what they want. LOL!!! Actually, I think she does know what she wants. And it isn't me...
Beautiful diamond Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Things will be ok.your family are there for you, try talking to them for comfort. Please take the time to grieve your godfather's passing. 1
Author organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Things will be ok.your family are there for you, try talking to them for comfort. Please take the time to grieve your godfather's passing. I plan to, thanks. I'm also booking a flight to Italy for a week at the end of the month. Would have taken her too, but oh well! Will enjoy it on my own.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Organizedchaos, wow, the age/bday in your EX situation is so close to mine as well! I'm 32, he's 42 and his b-day is thisThursday too. 2 months BU. So weird. Just a few months ago I was planning a really special b-day celebration for him. I was going to pull out all the works. Oh well...such is life. My condolences for the passing of your godfather. Really puts your life into prospective when you lose a loved one...
Author organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Organizedchaos, wow, the age/bday in your EX situation is so close to mine as well! I'm 32, he's 42 and his b-day is thisThursday too. 2 months BU. So weird. Just a few months ago I was planning a really special b-day celebration for him. I was going to pull out all the works. Oh well...such is life. My condolences for the passing of your godfather. Really puts your life into prospective when you lose a loved one... It does, thanks. So, are you in NC? Going to send him a Happy Bday text?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Yes it's been 6 weeks NC. Ugh so I've been hemming and hawing over whether to break NC to wish him Happy B-day...and I think I'm going to do it. I care about him and I don't want him to think I hate him. So, I'll email him a simple, " Happy birthday. I hope you're having a good day!" statement. No questions...no info about me. I don't want to know anything about his life because I'm not ready to hear it so I'll keep the greeting as neutral as possible and hope that he sends a neutral one back. I'm also prepared if I hear nothing back... We'll see how it goes.. What about you? Will you wish your ex a happy bday?
Author organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Yes it's been 6 weeks NC. Ugh so I've been hemming and hawing over whether to break NC to wish him Happy B-day...and I think I'm going to do it. I care about him and I don't want him to think I hate him. So, I'll email him a simple, " Happy birthday. I hope you're having a good day!" statement. No questions...no info about me. I don't want to know anything about his life because I'm not ready to hear it so I'll keep the greeting as neutral as possible and hope that he sends a neutral one back. I'm also prepared if I hear nothing back... We'll see how it goes.. What about you? Will you wish your ex a happy bday? I've been going back and forth on this one. Mainly bc we really haven't been NC for very long even though broken up for 2 1/2 months. And our last exchange was clear she needs to figure out what she wants, I get that. But it also seemed like she hadn't completely shut the door. However, I'm not holding out hope, I'm leaving her be, and have cut off all social media and communication. I wonder, what does it say if I don't acknowledge, and what does it say if it's just a to the point text like you said? I'm 99% sure based on our last exchange she'll just say "thank you" and that's it. And i have no intention of engaging beyond that.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Then I say, do it! There really are no rules and right/wrong here. I know that I'm a caring and loving person and I'm going to still be me and do what I do despite how much I was hurt by the BU. I know what my intention is and it's just to wish him a happy bday. Nothing more. I don't want him back. If he responds, I will think he's decent and gracious. If he doesn't..oh well! " If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway." Let me know how it goes this Thursday!
Author organizedchaos Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 (edited) Then I say, do it! There really are no rules and right/wrong here. I know that I'm a caring and loving person and I'm going to still be me and do what I do despite how much I was hurt by the BU. I know what my intention is and it's just to wish him a happy bday. Nothing more. I don't want him back. If he responds, I will think he's decent and gracious. If he doesn't..oh well! " If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway." Let me know how it goes this Thursday! So I sent it. I know everyone here will say I should not have broken NC. However, no one here actually knows her, me, or the intricate details of our relationship over the past 3 years. The last text conversation we had before this had me feeling that she had not completely shut the door. I kept it short and to the point and she responded not long after. I didn't respond after that and didn't even mention the passing of my godfather who's funeral I'm flying back east to tomorrow morning. ME: Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day. HER: THANK YOU!!! xoxoxoxo I didn't interpret that as anything and don't expect anything. Actually, I am more at peace now than I was at any point prior (it's been a total of 2.5 months bu). I don't know if sending this and getting the response actually helped me move on, but it seems so. I'm not anxious anymore. I miss her terribly, and still love her. But I feel good. If that's what the goal of NC is supposed to do, and I got it by breaking it in this instance, then so be it. She broke my heart, we had an amazing relationship. Argued here and there, but no cheating or drama. It was a fun and loving relationship. But after tonight, if she came back crawling to me, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd have a very hard time trusting her again. So that's my story with breaking NC for a birthday wish. In my case, with my relationship, it did me good. But don't get me wrong, I'm back in NC mode and will have no reason to reach out to her again. Edited October 11, 2013 by organizedchaos
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 So I sent it. I know everyone here will say I should not have broken NC. However, no one here actually knows her, me, or the intricate details of our relationship over the past 3 years. The last text conversation we had before this had me feeling that she had not completely shut the door. I kept it short and to the point and she responded not long after. I didn't respond after that and didn't even mention the passing of my godfather who's funeral I'm flying back east to tomorrow morning. ME: Happy Birthday. I hope you have a great day. HER: THANK YOU!!! xoxoxoxo I didn't interpret that as anything and don't expect anything. Actually, I am more at peace now than I was at any point prior (it's been a total of 2.5 months bu). I don't know if sending this and getting the response actually helped me move on, but it seems so. I'm not anxious anymore. I miss her terribly, and still love her. But I feel good. If that's what the goal of NC is supposed to do, and I got it by breaking it in this instance, then so be it. She broke my heart, we had an amazing relationship. Argued here and there, but no cheating or drama. It was a fun and loving relationship. But after tonight, if she came back crawling to me, I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd have a very hard time trusting her again. So that's my story with breaking NC for a birthday wish. In my case, with my relationship, it did me good. But don't get me wrong, I'm back in NC mode and will have no reason to reach out to her again. If had a a nickle for everytime I heard this statement. 1
Author organizedchaos Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 If had a a nickle for everytime I heard this statement. Doesn't matter. I'm in a good place now. Had I listened to everyone else's advice, I might not be. I might be second guessing myself. So I'm good. And that's all that matters.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Not saying you did anything wrong, but will be interesting to hear how it's going for you in the next few days/weeks. Please keep us updated... 2
Stealth3 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Breaking NC is not always a terrible idea as long as you are willing to accept to live with the consequences. Such consequences can be: 1) Her crawling back and all the consequences of that 2) Finding out things you dont want to find out, like her ****ing other guys 3) Fall back for her and her games and get sucked back into it all Sure you feel great now because she made contact...but are you willing to go back through it all when she starts to mind **** you? If so, then you are ready to break NC, ready to move on. If you are strong enough to deal with the consequences and don't care...then yeah, why not? I broke NC many many many times before. I did it knowing the consequences and as long as you know that, you are good. I would say NC is the best way to go if its over in your mind.
Author organizedchaos Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Not saying you did anything wrong, but will be interesting to hear how it's going for you in the next few days/weeks. Please keep us updated... I'll update this thread in a month.
Author organizedchaos Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Breaking NC is not always a terrible idea as long as you are willing to accept to live with the consequences. Such consequences can be: 1) Her crawling back and all the consequences of that 2) Finding out things you dont want to find out, like her ****ing other guys 3) Fall back for her and her games and get sucked back into it all Sure you feel great now because she made contact...but are you willing to go back through it all when she starts to mind **** you? If so, then you are ready to break NC, ready to move on. If you are strong enough to deal with the consequences and don't care...then yeah, why not? I broke NC many many many times before. I did it knowing the consequences and as long as you know that, you are good. I would say NC is the best way to go if its over in your mind. Like I said, I'm back in NC mode and have no need to reach out again. I've cut her out of every connection online as well. I did not engage in more conversation and neither did she. I'm not saying I'm totally over her, and I have heard from her just last week, but I was still not in a good place until now. I'll update this thread as time goes on.
reddragon588 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 If you're ok then good for you, but is generally the few days following breaking NC that are the worst not the immediate moments after. Remember to stick to NC. I struggled with not wishing my ex a happy birthday but it ended up being good because it gave me some strength to know I can quit her.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Organized, I'm glad you feel good after messaging your ex happy b-day. I also sent my ex the same exact happy b-day msg on Thursday and I feel fine too. He replied back with a thank you and asked how I was doing. I responded back a generic response and he continues to engage in convo (talking about a tv show we used to watch)...and that it was nice to hear from me. This is the hard part. I don't want to ignore him but I also am not ready to be friends. Though I no longer want a relationship with my ex I still love him. In any case, I'm glad I sent the message at this point and look forward to continuing to heal.
Author organizedchaos Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 If you're ok then good for you, but is generally the few days following breaking NC that are the worst not the immediate moments after. Remember to stick to NC. I struggled with not wishing my ex a happy birthday but it ended up being good because it gave me some strength to know I can quit her. Several days later and still no regrets or anxieties sending the bday message. However. I did something else in a moment of weakness. After the funeral service I was very sad and mournful. Feeling really down because of this loss. I unblocked her on Instagram as some sort of gesture. I didn't follow her but I did like a photo she posted from a place she went by herself for her bday which was one of our favorite places. I know, I know. I was really down. The next day I thought, ugh, I shouldn't have done that, I should block her again. But then last night, she obviously checked out my page and noticed I was away at a funeral. Since she knew my family she texted asking what happened. I responded briefly and told her and that was that. I'm still not sure what to do. Do I look like an idiot for blocking her, unblocking her, then blocking her again (wouldn't tell her, I'd just go and do it). She didn't follow me either. Should I even care if she can now look in on my life or just go ahead and bite the bullet and not care how it looks if I block her again? The whole point of this was to vanish from her life, but now I've sorta opened it back up again and not sure if it really matters or not. Maybe it's good for her to see me moving on, going out, traveling?
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