nascarfish Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Hi all...new member here and first post. I must say that I have been reading a lot of these posts and they have helped very much. The past 2 months have been really rough. My gf of 5 years(I am 39, she is 35) unexpectedly dumped me out of the blue in mid-August. She said she was never going to be able to accomplish her goals in life with me---marriage and children. I had always told her that marriage was something I was fine with but I can't have any more kids( I have 2 boys from a previous marriage--they are 11 and 15). I have them with me basically all the time. Anyway, adoption was not something she wanted, so I was always in a catch-22 situation. How could I marry her and then not give her what she truly wants? That would only lead to huge resentment issues from her. The problem was that we had known each other forever before we started dating. I lived with her brother in college and our families have places on the coast close by, so I was always around in the summers hanging out with her brother at the beach. Our families are very close to each other as well. She never had to introduce me to anybody in her family b/c I already knew them! This is probably what kept us together longer than it should have lasted. We had a great relationship. Rarely fought or argued, had so many of the same interests, and just truly loved each other. When we started dating(2008), I had just gone through a divorce I did not want, and she had just broken off her engagement. We had already known each other for over 10 years, and just happened to be at our respective families' places at the beach for the weekend without a significant other. We just hung out all weekend, had a blast, and that's how it all began for us. Fast forward to mid-August 2013--we were at her beach place(just the 2 of us) for 5 days for her birthday. We had a great time together. She even remarked about how we really needed the time together, just the two of us, and how important that was to her. I took her to a nice dinner for her birthday, went on long walks on the beach at night hand in hand, and just genuinely enjoyed being together. Well, we get home from the beach, and a week goes by, and I noticed she had become very cold and distant. I asked her why and she tells me to come over to her house (we live 2 miles apart), and that she has to talk to me. So I go over to her house and she proceeds to tell me that it's all over, she can't meet her goals in life with me, etc...the whole time she is balling crying, and tells me she feels terrible having to do this to her best friend, but she has to do what is best for her in the end. I really did not say much..just stood up, gathered a few things I had at her house, gave her a hug, and said goodbye. I have not dialed her number or texted her since that night 8 weeks ago. She has not tried to contact me, other than one text telling me she was putting her house for sale and moving out of town. It is almost surreal...like my best friend died. Am I doing the right thing by doing the NC thing? Just a huge void left in my life. Sorry to be so long winded. I think this would have been much easier if we had hated each other. Just wish I knew what pushed her over the edge to do this. Thanks to all of you.
coolheadal Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 So her intent was to have kids with you and you don't want anymore because of prior kids you have. Well you see she never had kids yet and your taking that opportunity away from her where she could recent but instead he has called off this relationship so she can move on and find the right guy that will make her happy and thus fulfill her life and have a family and the kids she wanted to have. That's pretty much sums it up right. Now you still waiting on her to get back with you? But she clearly told you want she want out of life and you said no to her request. So it's time for you to drop this and move on and find a women who doesn't want to have kids, but to be with you but who has to accept the fact you already have two kids from prior relationship.
Author nascarfish Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Actually, I cannot physically have any more kids. It was not that I did not want them necessarily. I had a vasectomy 12 years ago. She is in the medical field and told me the chances of a successful reversal are very slim after that length of time. She did not want to explore other options. I never stung her along or hid any of this from her.
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