Real36 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I don't know wtf is going on right now! I am being torn in different directions, feeling incredible guilt and trying to get my head on straight. I went out with a new guy from OLD last night and had the best date of my entire life. My date was an awesome guy with a good head his shoulders. We got along well, had plenty to talk about and just had a good time together. He wasn't pushy, very laid back and well, just easy to be with. He asked to do it again sometime but no date has been set. I was excited about the possibilities and feeling very good about it when I got home last night. Flash to 7 am this morning....My ex showed up at my job right after I got there. We talked for awhile, he said he misses me and thinks about me all of the time. All of the time. He asked if I missed him or ever thought about him. I said that I did. After some chatting he asked if was seeing anyone and I told him that I had begun to date and just got out of the car. My heart has pounded all day long! I have been in a crazy state, my emotions are up and down. He has a magnetic hold on me. My head tells me to just stop agreeing to talk to him but ever other bit of me is just electric at thinking that he might want to get back together. He will be at my job every other morning this week. I don't know what to do, I am torn between trying to move on and thinking that he might finally decide to give me the relationship I have wanted with him. My emotions are all over the place and crazy.
flitzanu Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I don't know wtf is going on right now! I am being torn in different directions, feeling incredible guilt and trying to get my head on straight. I went out with a new guy from OLD last night and had the best date of my entire life. My date was an awesome guy with a good head his shoulders. We got along well, had plenty to talk about and just had a good time together. He wasn't pushy, very laid back and well, just easy to be with. He asked to do it again sometime but no date has been set. I was excited about the possibilities and feeling very good about it when I got home last night. Flash to 7 am this morning....My ex showed up at my job right after I got there. We talked for awhile, he said he misses me and thinks about me all of the time. All of the time. He asked if I missed him or ever thought about him. I said that I did. After some chatting he asked if was seeing anyone and I told him that I had begun to date and just got out of the car. My heart has pounded all day long! I have been in a crazy state, my emotions are up and down. He has a magnetic hold on me. My head tells me to just stop agreeing to talk to him but ever other bit of me is just electric at thinking that he might want to get back together. He will be at my job every other morning this week. I don't know what to do, I am torn between trying to move on and thinking that he might finally decide to give me the relationship I have wanted with him. My emotions are all over the place and crazy. so he dumped you, and is now stalking you at your job to keep you hanging on by a string in the hope he will take you back and dump you again?
Beautiful diamond Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 He has succeeded in manipulating you so well, you are considering dropping a good guy to play games with him. Do you realize if you cut the date and devote yourself back to him, he will disappear. His goal is to stop you from moving on,then leave, then come back when he pleases. Like a yo-yo he pulls you close, then pushes you away, then puts you on a shelf when he gets bored. If you drop a cool, nice, possible marriage material new guy, for a waste of time, manipulative, no good intentions ex, you are a glutton for punishment. Tell him one good time: I'm sorry I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with you again, I'm taking this time to better myself and meet new people. He may try to convince you he's changed and will do better but it's all game. Mark my words if you restart the cycle with your ex, your gonna end up alone and broken hearted.... 2
organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Going to play devils advocate as opposed to the other responses here. But since we know little about this ex or relationship, isn't it possible he's sincere? How do we know he's playing games?
melell Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I may be completely wrong here.. but it does sound to me like you are not at the right stage to be starting something with someone else. Your feelings for your ex are obviously still there, so you might need some more time to come to terms with things? If your ex wants you back, and you are willing to go back, then perhaps try it out. You will soon find out either way. If you don't want to get back with your ex, then I think it would be best to go no contact and continue healing? It is cool that you met a great guy, but however this turns out I don't think it would be very good for you to enter into something with someone else while your still considering your ex. 2
Author Real36 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 A short history is that he was texting several other girls for pretty much the whole time we were together. I am generally against snooping put finally did it and found the messages. One of the girls is someone I worked with. I'm pretty sure he cheated or at least tried to while I was on vacation (he refused to go with me) because I found a box of condoms in his pants pockets and all of my clothes, personal items, mail, everything hidden away in a closet when I got home. And many, many other sketchy things that would take all day to write. But the texts to someone I knew very well were the last straw. I left him 3 months ago. I love him very much and I think that he loves me too but he can't let go of other girls and some other relationship killers that I don't want to go into. I feel better today. Yesterday was just a very emotional day for me so I needed a place to get it out without telling my business to people who know the both of us. He has not contacted me today. Maybe finding out that I am dating has made him either want to get me back to prove something to himself or just doesn't want me to be with anyone else. I would love nothing more than to be in a happy relationship with him but I don't think he is capable of leaving other women alone. The really hard part is that after I see him my whole day is ruined, I get emotional because I love him and then have to force myself to remember everything he did that hurt me to stop myself from wanting to go back to him. NC is a full option because he has to come to my job for work. He just comes more than he really needs to so he can see me or keep tabs on me. Whichever. I shouldn't be meeting him out for cigarettes, that I can control. I have just been weak. I not really ready to date but I am trying it so that I can move on. I am having a very hard time letting him go. The new guy and I have only been on one date and he hasn't set up another yet. I'm just in the middle of a very difficult emotional time and really appreciate this forum for helping me to talk about it when I feel incredibly down and or confused. Thanks to all of you for responding.
melell Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Completely understandable. It is clear that you already know your ex is bad news for you. It is really hard I know, especially when you have to see them. I think it is really important that you keep checks on your self at the moment. Just to makes sure your mind doesn't play tricks on you. Maybe writing things down will help? Or even looking at how you feel when you are talking to him so that you can separate your emotions from logic. 1
Author Real36 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks Melell. I wrote some things down when I first left and it did help. In some ways where I am right now is worse than right after the break up. It's a good suggestion and I think I will try writing it all out as catharsis. I try to separate my emotions when I am in the moment with him but his hold on me is strong. I love him very much. It's so hard to not just react. I am gonna work on it though! I have a good friend who knows us both independently of our relationship. I trust her so I talk with her about it. She never hesitates to remind me of the things he did and how he behaved when I wasn't around if I start to forget about the bad and focus on the good. She has been very helpful when trying to stay grounded.
melell Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 I can't imagine how hard it is to be honest.. I had to see my ex twice since the break up, and it killed me. Killed him too. He wanted to see me more after those times, but I just couldn't do it. It was bad enough that in my head at the time I was like ' I would rather risk losing him forever than have to see him and keep feeling this way'. You will toughen to it over time though, most people seem to. Things got significantly better for me once I stopped talking about my ex. I consider talking about him as breaking 'nc'. Maybe not giving any energy to things to do with him at all would help a little? It did for me, but we are all different. You will feel better though, you have to remember that. It's a process that almost everyone goes through at one time or another.
Author Real36 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks for the support and guidance Melell. I'm doing better. I talked with the new guy yesterday. We have a date for this weekend. Honestly, it helps having some else to think about.
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