send_me_flowers Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 hi friends... will we ever heal and love someone again like we did our exs. even though he hurt me deeply and treated me with no respect. just vanished out of my life, i still love him as strong as i did when i first met him. i dont know why! i should not feel this way for someone who has hurt me and left me so easily... i dont think i will ever be over him. will these feelings ever leave. he is over me and happy living his life. im suffering still with the hurt and betyral. why is that so..... 1
hurts2death Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 hugs. you know what. i cant sleep it is 02.33 where i live and i miss her... but i already handle it better. yes we will be over them and love the next ones more wise.... i can promise you that.....and dont forget what i told you it is better to live dumped rather than dumper. 1
JDPT Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 If someone asked me, "do you still love her?" I honestly would have no clue how to answer that deep in my heart. However, if someone asked me "do you still miss her?" I would say "dearly". I've come to realize that I will love again with the same passionate affection if not stronger, as I am now wiser and becoming stronger. But reality is that, that won't happen any time soon, and I can live with that. I keep working on myself and keep pushing forward as I am the only person that matters from this point forward. 4
Author send_me_flowers Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 hugs. you know what. i cant sleep it is 02.33 where i live and i miss her... but i already handle it better. yes we will be over them and love the next ones more wise.... i can promise you that.....and dont forget what i told you it is better to live dumped rather than dumper. thank john.... i hope so i cant sleep and its affecting my life pretty badly, i know i just cant help but think he is so heartless and over me that wouldnt affect him but life is long i suppose thank you
Author send_me_flowers Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 If someone asked me, "do you still love her?" I honestly would have no clue how to answer that deep in my heart. However, if someone asked me "do you still miss her?" I would say "dearly". I've come to realize that I will love again with the same passionate affection if not stronger, as I am now wiser and becoming stronger. But reality is that, that won't happen any time soon, and I can live with that. I keep working on myself and keep pushing forward as I am the only person that matters from this point forward. i know in my heart i can feel the love is still there for me. i wish it wasnt i wish i could act like he doesnt exist even though i dont see or speak to him. i suppose he will think im over him to know, but im not so sad. ive tried moving on and going on dates nothing im not fully there. it makes me more sad infact thank you
LifeWithoutMiMi Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Hi send_me_flowers, I know it is very hard, but time will heal the wounds. I myself am still missing my ex, and there are days where I felt like my ex just broke up with me. There are also times where I had trouble to get my focus on anything. But I am sure time will settle things down. We should use this opportunity to grow and become a better person. Try some new hobbies that you hadn't have the chance to try, this would help too. I am sure that once we are healed and feel happy again, we would be able to love someone again. Stay strong! 1
Author send_me_flowers Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 thank you life... its hard im beginging to think i was just his rebound in the first place oh its so hard to feel this way makes me not want to love again. im going to find it hard to trust. we got engaged was together 2.5 years. but we was engaged very soon into the relationship and ive read on a post that rebound relationships you get engaged within weeks and months hasnt really made me feel any better reading that thank you
JDPT Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I think what worked in my favor, and although a very hard way to learn was that she quickly turned the love I had for her into hate. I understood with her that there is indeed a thin line between love and hate and I managed to cross to the hate side. I now work toward releasing all hate inside me as it is only detrimental to well being. Just like the saying goes, "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" I work on letting go of a better past. 1
Author send_me_flowers Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 thanks jd its just horrible these withdrawel stages, i think sometimes im doing well i just miss him alot butif its easy for him to give up on me. than it should be alot easier for me to give up on him i wish i could let him go 1
hurts2death Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 pain it out.... you will feel better eventually
JDPT Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 thanks jd its just horrible these withdrawel stages, i think sometimes im doing well i just miss him alot butif its easy for him to give up on me. than it should be alot easier for me to give up on him i wish i could let him go I always say, embrace your ups, and learn from your downs. Simply know that you can't win them all and that's perfectly fine. You don't necessarily need to write the bad days off just learn from them internalize, dust yourself off and back on the horse you go. I felt the same way and perhaps at times, albeit rarely still do, "how could she give up on us so quickly". I used to torture myself with this question, with time I've managed to come to terms and know that there isn't an answer to that question and I've also learned to accept it. When you no longer give it importance or have the urge for an answer is when you free yourself from it. Simply accept things the way they are and as they say, "it is what it is". 2
flight E Posted October 10, 2013 Posted October 10, 2013 There r relationships where u truly miss and love you ex after a breakup but where someone deliberately hurts you and treated you badly. U can't love them. It's not possible. Don't mix love with some kind of psychological disorder. U can miss a person, your ego might be briused and you think the persons attention will validate you but it won't. If u love this person it only means you hate yourself. U should have that checked becos if you love yourself how can you love someone that intentionally harms you 2
Author send_me_flowers Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 There r relationships where u truly miss and love you ex after a breakup but where someone deliberately hurts you and treated you badly. U can't love them. It's not possible. Don't mix love with some kind of psychological disorder. U can miss a person, your ego might be briused and you think the persons attention will validate you but it won't. If u love this person it only means you hate yourself. U should have that checked becos if you love yourself how can you love someone that intentionally harms you i wish i knew i had so many hopes and dreams. its the way hes hurt me that really hurts. he used me and also let me down all the time. i loved what i thought he was. i suppose in some aspects you maybe right. but i suppose i do hate myself because everything i alway want or think its going right for me for once gets taking away. its been nearly 9 weeks and nothing from him, i just dont know why i cant forget and stop loving and missing him. i wish i could erase him from my memory but i cant i dont get what you meant about the psychologial disorder?
flight E Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Am not a proffesional in these things but I can explain to. You from my owm experience, I also let my ex use me. Everytime we do this we actually hurt much more than if we maintained our dignity and stood up for ourselfs. And it causes us to think of the person more. The fact that we are afraid that we can't get an opportunity to correct it keeps the person in our minds and becos the person is always in our minds we confuse it with love but it is not love. We equally hate that person as we do ourselves for doing that to us. We just think they have the power to make it right. This kind of thing easily happens to intelligent people who are perfectionist and fixers. What you have to train your brain to do is to accept that you are human and you judged someone wrongly. U didn't get it right. Forgave yourself and move on. It takes time. I still think of her everyday but I kno she does not own the secret to my happiness but she made me sad most of the time. I was the one that let her
Fufu Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) hi friends... will we ever heal and love someone again like we did our exs. even though he hurt me deeply and treated me with no respect. just vanished out of my life, i still love him as strong as i did when i first met him. i dont know why! i should not feel this way for someone who has hurt me and left me so easily... i dont think i will ever be over him. will these feelings ever leave. he is over me and happy living his life. im suffering still with the hurt and betyral. why is that so..... You will love and feel love again (Believe me) I was in a wreck for almost 3 years while at the same time I tried hard to pull myself back and I sank lots of times when I thought about my ex especially on those good times. The reality is those good times were long gone. After I recovered mentally/emotionally, unexpected relationship came into my life. Since your ex can be happy living his life, you can do the exact same thing too and even better. Don't depend your happiness on someone else. Edited October 14, 2013 by Fufu 1
Fufu Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I know some people take a long time to get over their ex but 3 years is quite a long time fufu. Did you immediately decide to try and get over them or was it after a while? I find that, time, is what really helps you forget them, the feelings just fade away. When the breakup is early though, I think it's good to have a list of negative things you don't like about the person. Whenever you have a weak moment, you look at this list and it gives you a boost of reassurance that it's not the greatest lost that you're not with them. Then eventually time takes over and you will have to look at the list less and less, and eventually it will come to a point where you can hopefully forgive them - which is the ultimate way of getting over them. Indeed almost 3 years for complete healing was a long time. It took so long was I invested lots of feelings in the relationship and saw myself being with him for life (getting married + having kids) so when the reality came otherwise, it took a long blow for me. I started NC, broke it several times (yes I'm guilty of this) then got back onto NC and until I truly disciplined myself that's when I started to feel that it wasn't bad at all and learn to appreciate the joy of being single. And the strange thing was when my heart/mind was still thinking about my ex, I was completely oblivious to other opportunities, I literally closed my heart to any other men in life. (I don't feel I was ready and had negative thoughts that I never will find someone new). Thank goodness I have good friends and family (especially my mum) who encouraged me during my dark times that one day I will be ready for someone new. and best of all, it happens. After healing for a period of time, unexpected someone walks into my life. So to anyone who is grieving now, it's not the end of the world. Overcome the thunders and rain and something pleasant will happen ultimately.
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