Approaching a guy?

[lovergal]

There is a guy that I've seen several times at the gym and he seems to be interested in me. We haven't talked, but did have eye contact and he also did some other things to express his interests. I previously put myself as unapproachable, because I was rather a bit intimidated by him and couldn't exactly see myself with him. He has great body physique, and mine really isn't as great as his (though I have returned back to the gym). He does seem to be very mature, nice, and smart though.

 

So I would like to give it a try, because I will never know if I never try, right? And it would always be better to get embarrassed than to think back and say "what would had happened if I had done something", right? Even though I know how to say these things, I am still a shy person.

 

Any ideas of how I can appear to be more approachable, or even approach this guy myself?

 

Thanks!!

[Brown-Eyez]

Smile, look at him directly for longer than a few seconds and if you have the nerve, say Hi...that's it!

 

If he doesn't bite, then you just move on.

[Neville107]

Here's what you can do:

 

Run into him at the water fountain. Eye Contact and Smile.

 

Cross paths with him going from machine to machine.

 

Say "HI" if you can muster it. He's looking for an opening to engage.

 

Ask him a question about machines, working out, etc. - Anything to get a response.

 

 

I know you said you're shy, but since he's already shown interest - this should get the conversation/introduction started. Good Luck

Edited October 8, 2013 by Neville107

[lovergal]

Okay thank you guys for the advice! Hopefully it works out!

[Phantom888]

I always find it interesting and wonder why would women ever be shy about approaching men. There is really nothing to lose, and everything to gain! Men love being approached by any woman, and if we are not interested, we are usually nice about it because we don't want to look like pricks.

 

Here are the possible scenarios:

 

#1 You approach the guy and he likes you too. WIN!

 

#2 You approach the guy and he is already taken or he is not interested. But he is nice about it, and you just made a cool friend. WIN!

 

#3 You approach a guy, and he's not interested plus he is rude to you. He makes you feel bad. You get to tell all your friends about what an ass he is, and he gets the prick reputation. You just avoided being involved with a prick. WIN!!!!!!!!

 

So as you can see, there is really no down side to approaching guys you are interested in. So go talk to them and get to know them. Don't be shy! You only live once, and you are not gonna know if he's interested unless you go for it!

[venusishername]

I often struggle with this question as a woman. Sometimes it's been easier to not take a risk and wait for the aggressive men who make it 100% clear that they are interested. If it's questionable at all on their end, and I am interested, I usually don't work up the nerve...yet always wonder...

 

I really like the comment above. It's a good one. There IS really nothing to lose! Also, I totally understand the feeling like he's 'out of your league', like 'a guy like that would never be into me'... but remember, anything is possible. Don't underestimate yourself. (I should be taking the advice I am giving to you)

 

Good luck!

[lovergal]

Thank you guys for the support.

 

I didn't see the guy for a few days this week, whereas before I would see him every day at the gym. From my point of view, I felt he was trying to make it a point that it was either "all or nothing". I didn't see him Mon-Wed and then I decided to stay home on Thurs, because I didn't feel like it. Even though I saw him on Friday, I couldn't bring myself to smile at him. I felt rather gloomy inside and I was just kind of in a daze.

 

When I finally decided to go catch him at the water fountain and give it a try, I realized he was just going back into the gym and kind of talking to another girl. Maybe he was trying to make me jealous; I'm not sure. Though, jealousy did take over me and I felt I was going berserk inside. I couldn't bring myself to really look at him again. I felt I was being very childish, but at the same time, I couldn't control my actions.

 

I'm not sure if this was all brain chemicals, or what had happened to me on Friday. Was I being very crazy? Do you think there's still a chance? Hopefully the upcoming week will be a brighter one.

[theothersully]

VERY crazy...

 

Sorry! ha ha ha

 

You haven't even said hi to this guy. I'm sure he's not plotting against you.

 

Just give it a try. If it doesn't work out, there will be another guy a few machines down.... or on the sidewalk outside... or in a grocery store... or at school or work or whatever...

 

Bottom line is you have nothing to lose because you have nothing now. You can only gain or stay the same. No reason not to give it a try.

 

 

Thank you guys for the support.

 

I didn't see the guy for a few days this week, whereas before I would see him every day at the gym. From my point of view, I felt he was trying to make it a point that it was either "all or nothing". I didn't see him Mon-Wed and then I decided to stay home on Thurs, because I didn't feel like it. Even though I saw him on Friday, I couldn't bring myself to smile at him. I felt rather gloomy inside and I was just kind of in a daze.

 

When I finally decided to go catch him at the water fountain and give it a try, I realized he was just going back into the gym and kind of talking to another girl. Maybe he was trying to make me jealous; I'm not sure. Though, jealousy did take over me and I felt I was going berserk inside. I couldn't bring myself to really look at him again. I felt I was being very childish, but at the same time, I couldn't control my actions.

 

I'm not sure if this was all brain chemicals, or what had happened to me on Friday. Was I being very crazy? Do you think there's still a chance? Hopefully the upcoming week will be a brighter one.

[Neville107]

Oh no - Sorry to hear things got off track on Friday.

 

Crazy? - No. "I'm not sure if this was all brain chemicals" - No. It's called Serious Attraction Admit it, you really like this guy and it's scaring you.

 

Forget the thing with the girl - if he didn't have his arm around her or left with her - she may have been someone he works with, a friend of the family, someone who was asking a question - in other words, nothing was going on. You saw it from a distance, but you didn't hear what they were saying.

 

Did you make eye contact with him on Friday? What was his reaction? This is important to see where the temperature is now. If he smiled and said Hi and you didn't say anything, this may take a bit of work. Tell us what happened so we can give you the best advice.

 

Also, considering how much you see him at the gym I'm wondering why he hasn't already approached you and started a conversation. At least run into him by accident or cross paths with him more.

 

What's your demeanor at the gym? Do you: Smile, Make Eye Contact, Have headphones on? Something's preventing him from approaching.

 

Everybody has a bad day, I think you still have a chance with this guy and should just forget Friday and look forward to the next time you see him. You stated he seemed Mature and Smart - guys like this are not going to write someone off that quick. You're one step away from meeting a great guy why sell yourself short. No need to be nervous - just think how much fun meeting him will be - that first date - that first kiss that will leave you momentarily disoriented

 

Just make eye contact and smile - be receptive - make sure he sees you and you don't have headphones on (If you wear them) - he knows he has the all clear and will make his approach. Simple.

 

Best of Luck!

 

P.S. If you can change the thread title you may want to add "At The Gym" so it reads "Approaching A Guy At The Gym" so people looking at the forum will know what the thread is about and you'll probably receive more responses.

[CptSaveAho]

if you have a hot ass, walk by him really closely and then as you are walking away flaunt it

[Assasda]

Trying just being talkative at the gym.

To break out of being shy

 

- hahahaha you have no reason to be jealous because you are not with this guy, and you dont even know this guy.

 

- Ask him something, like ,does he drink special water to get so fit, and laugh. Or ask him for work out advice

[lovergal]

Thank you guys for the help and advice again To make the situation clearer, I guess I will just spill the beans. I had previously talked about it on another thread, but I’m still unsure of things. Maybe afterwards I can get some more advice and clear up my head? Thanks

 

Love is supposed to be very simple, yet it seems very complicated for me. That is because I have a hard time forgiving myself for wasting away a lot of time, giving up on myself, and letting myself go. In the past few years, I have just been trying to rediscover and better myself. Even though things have been slowly picking up, I still cannot completely accept and like myself for who I am right now. Thus, it is difficult to allow an intimate person to like and accept you if you cannot even do it yourself. It can also be very difficult and scary to allow someone to get to know you, then bare all of your insufficiencies and bad experiences to them.

 

Initially, I had wanted to better myself first and then start dating. However, I had already let one guy go and here is this other guy who I’ve been talking about. In the back of my head, I guess I do kind of hope that I can find someone who I can trust, accept me for who I am now, and support me for who I want to become in the future. This guy that I met in the gym seems fantastic, but he seems to be too good and it makes me back off. I am also shy in front of guys that I like, but do not know well.

 

Also, I am not obese, but I am still considered as overweight. I am wearing gym clothes at the gym, so it helps to hide it, but its still there. I know there are exceptions, but I’m aware that many guys do care about how their gf look like, especially a guy like him who has great bodily physique. I think that if he has high expectations for himself, then he must also have high expectations for his gf. I’m not ugly, but I do need to lose some weight whether for looks or health reasons. So that was another downturn.

 

We do take glances at each other at the gym. Sometimes we will work out near each other. I do not smile at him and I’m not very receptive towards him, because of all the reasons I said above. I can tell he still has some interests. However, it has been going on like this for a few weeks now, so he has been showing up lesser at the gym now.

 

Kay, thanks for reading all that serious talk. Have a good night!

[Neville107]

Lovergal - I think you're jumping ahead of yourself and over thinking this.

 

You're thinking all about these what ifs like this is going to be a full on relationship you're obligated to accept. It isn't, start with eye contact and a smile and say Hi if you can muster it and see where it goes.

 

You don't know him and have never spoken to him - you don't know what his preferences are, what his situation is. By making eye contact and hovering around him without smiling you're just leaving him confused. He wants to approach, but you're keeping him at bay. He doesn't know what do at this point.

 

Also, why are you trying to sabotage yourself? If he didn't like you or didn't want to meet - he would avoid you at the gym (No eye contact, no hovering). He would be there, but you wouldn't see him.

 

As far as your self image, give yourself a break - he wants to meet you for some reason. Guys will see you differently than you see yourself so when you get worked up about flaws - they only see you and not the flaws so just go with it and relax. Guys don't pursue women they don't want.

 

Good Luck and Go For It - You're Worth It (Good, bad, or indifferent - it'll help your self esteem and put you on a positive path).

 

Also, Ladies - in regards to approaches in the gym please keep in mind the reason a guy is approaching is because he would like to meet you. He more than likely doesn't see you outside the gym so he has no other choice. Make eye contact, smile, and remove your earphones so he can approach - if you like him, go from there - if you don't, let him know you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, you're married, or you're studying to become a nun. Whichever excuse you use - he'll then know where you stand. There's no need for confusion or game playing.

[lovergal]

Neville107, I guess you're right. If he still wants to give me a chance, then I should just relax, be more light hearted, and just see where it goes. I didn't want to confuse or game play with him. Its just that I wasn't sure what to do. I know that sometimes I think too much and get worked up in my own thoughts, and that's because I'm afraid of things going wrong.

 

But thanks for the advice anyways. Its always nice to get the perspective of a guy to help understand what a guy would be thinking of.

 

Good day now

[StanMusial]

Neville107, I guess you're right. If he still wants to give me a chance, then I should just relax, be more light hearted, and just see where it goes. I didn't want to confuse or game play with him. Its just that I wasn't sure what to do. I know that sometimes I think too much and get worked up in my own thoughts, and that's because I'm afraid of things going wrong.

 

But thanks for the advice anyways. Its always nice to get the perspective of a guy to help understand what a guy would be thinking of.

 

Good day now

 

Did I misread the thread or have you never even spoken with this guy? Do you even know him other than "seen him around a few times"?

 

Honestly it sounds like you are building some sort of fantasy relationship with him in your head. Cut that s*** out, you are coming off as crazy. And I think you know that on some level.

 

Find some sort of excuse to speak to him, anything.

 

Try to casually bump into him at a weight machine or station and make some chit chat about the benefits of a certain exercise or something.

 

Try to run into him leaving and just smile and say "Did you have a good workout?"

 

Hover in his vicinity and when you get the chance make some comment about his gear, his shoes or his clothing or something.

 

If you can, get on a cardio machine beside him and make comments about something funny you saw on the TV. "Did you see that? OMG!"

 

If he is a regular, and it sounds like he is, find some way to ask him about some class they hold at the gym.

 

The point is, you need to break the ice ASAP and then see what happens. Normally I wouldn't tell a girl to do this but I think it's better than stewing on it and then coming off as crazy.

 

For the record, I have had two of the above happen to me and it led to a conversation at least.

[lovergal]

I clearly failed at approaching him yesterday. I didn't muster up the courage to go talk to him, so I tried smiling, but it seems like he didn't notice that. Maybe my smiles weren't big enough.

 

I knew I needed to do more than that to get anywhere with this guy, and if I didn't go talk to this guy, someone else would definitely pick him up. For today, I thought of bumping into him at the fountain and maybe asking him how to use a machine. It seems a bit ridiculous asking him how to use a simple machine, but if he is interested, then he wouldn't mind it right? I also thought of maybe using some of the other suggestions that you guys gave me. If we start talking, then things should be much easier after that. Last night and this morning, I kept telling telling myself that there's nothing to lose and everything to gain. I felt that helped drive out the devil's talk.

 

But then this morning, I realized that he did go to the gym today. Its just that I didn't see him at the fitness center at the regular time. That was a hard hit, worse than not seeing him at the gym at all. I don't blame him though. I know I've never spoken to this guy before, but I felt maybe he didn't want to see me. Maybe he isn't interested anymore. I thought maybe I should get away from the gym for a while to clear out my system, as this whole situation is pretty crazy. Or should I continue to go to the gym and see what happens?

[Shaun-Dro]

There is a guy that I've seen several times at the gym and he seems to be interested in me. We haven't talked, but did have eye contact and he also did some other things to express his interests. I previously put myself as unapproachable, because I was rather a bit intimidated by him and couldn't exactly see myself with him. He has great body physique, and mine really isn't as great as his (though I have returned back to the gym). He does seem to be very mature, nice, and smart though.

 

So I would like to give it a try, because I will never know if I never try, right? And it would always be better to get embarrassed than to think back and say "what would had happened if I had done something", right? Even though I know how to say these things, I am still a shy person.

 

Any ideas of how I can appear to be more approachable, or even approach this guy myself?

 

Thanks!!

 

It's interesting you describe your fear of a man in the reason in putting up a wall. This explains why all these girls do this same nonsense every day.

[Shaun-Dro]

I clearly failed at approaching him yesterday. I didn't muster up the courage to go talk to him, so I tried smiling, but it seems like he didn't notice that. Maybe my smiles weren't big enough.

 

I knew I needed to do more than that to get anywhere with this guy, and if I didn't go talk to this guy, someone else would definitely pick him up. For today, I thought of bumping into him at the fountain and maybe asking him how to use a machine. It seems a bit ridiculous asking him how to use a simple machine, but if he is interested, then he wouldn't mind it right? I also thought of maybe using some of the other suggestions that you guys gave me. If we start talking, then things should be much easier after that. Last night and this morning, I kept telling telling myself that there's nothing to lose and everything to gain. I felt that helped drive out the devil's talk.

 

But then this morning, I realized that he did go to the gym today. Its just that I didn't see him at the fitness center at the regular time. That was a hard hit, worse than not seeing him at the gym at all. I don't blame him though. I know I've never spoken to this guy before, but I felt maybe he didn't want to see me. Maybe he isn't interested anymore. I thought maybe I should get away from the gym for a while to clear out my system, as this whole situation is pretty crazy. Or should I continue to go to the gym and see what happens?

 

You're going crazy over this guy because you're attracted to him, nothing more. Accept that. You have no clue of his personality so stop making it up in your head that he's so great because you've never spoken to him.

 

Honestly, you sound like a few of the guys on these threads who get all worked up over a hot girl they never met. This is madness.

 

Since you want him so badly, just say something to him already and cut it out. It's pathetic. I got women like this at my job as well and it sickens me so I simply ignore them. This drives them even more bonkers which then exposes their interest in me from the get. You sound like one of them.

[Assasda]

To get over your shyness. try talking to other people before you get to the gym.

Just be social with everybody, to build up your confidence.

 

Then... When you see him at the gym, GO UP TO HIM RIGHT AWAY. you do this, so that you dont talk yourself out of approaching this guy.

You dont know him, so dont pretend like you do before you actually meet him

[StanMusial]

You've built it up so much in your head I'm afraid you're in for a letdown. I agree with other posters, it is weird to get so hung up on someone you don't even know.

[filani]

@ Lovergal

 

Like...seriously, you haven't even said Hi to this guy! You do realize that the longer you wait the greater the chances that he will lose interest in you?

 

Stop with the excuses! You either like this guy strongly enough to make a move or you don't really like him at all ! It's that simple.

 

If a girl is into me then she needs grow a pair of ovaries and show it in a clear and direct way. I don't do 'subtle hints or guessing games.

[lovergal]

So I approached him for a brief moment last week. He seemed to have taken it well, so I thought it was a good start. My intentions were to take it slow, because I was a bit nervous. But then he disappeared for the next 2 days. I don't know, maybe it didn't have anything to do with me.

[orchids]

It could and it couldn't. I'd leave it alone for now. You've already initiated, which means he has a basis for talking to you if he'd like to.

 

I once had a huge crush on this guy and was in (almost) the same situation as you - agonizing over how to talk to him! It didn't take much. Turns out that a "hi" and a smile was enough to get him talking. He ended up walking me to get my bus.

 

So, imho, continue going to the gym for your original reasons and know that if he wants to speak to you, he will.

 

(Unless you'd like to chase him.. )

[lovergal]

But it wasn't considered as a conversation, just a very brief approach. I asked him if he was still using one of the machines that he was on. I wanted to build onto that, but it never got to that point.

[Imported]

Invade his personal space. See if he moves or how long before he moves. Act like you didn't realize and apologize with a laugh and work a conversation out of that. See if he keeps the conversation going or tries to get away from you because he thinks you're some weird girl.