Sentry Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Hello, LS. I've been lurking around for a little bit and decided to make an account because I wanted to see if anyone could help. I signed up for an online dating site a little over a month ago. It's not difficult, per se, for me to talk to people in real life, but I do find OLD to be a bit better for me when it comes to potential dates because I'm a bit introverted. I've sent out my fair share of messages to some women over this last month and none have responded. I've done my research on OLD, so I understand that the percentage of men receiving messages, let alone responses to their own messages, is far smaller than how many women receive. Lately, however, I've been getting profile views from the women I message, a factor which means something to me. Considering these profile views are occuring AFTER I send my message, I believe they are either reading my messages and then checking my profile out to see if they're interested, or maybe not reading them at all and just going straight to checking my profile out. In any case, the result is the same that none of my messages still get any responses. I'd like to believe I'm sending out good messages. I thoroughly read every profile I come across provided the woman sounds cool and interesting, and then when I send a message I always make sure to ask about something they've mentioned so that they know I've read their profile. I also believe I'm fairly good looking -- I work out regularly and keep my body active, and my pictures are all of me smiling and looking happy. All of this being said, the conclusion I've come to is that something about my profile may not be all that interesting. I was wondering if anyone here, preferably women, could read over what I've posted in my "About Me" section and give me some of your thoughts? Complete honesty is preferred, please tell me anything you feel. Is my summary too boring? Does something about it come off as uninteresting, clingy? Lay it out on me if you have to, I'm just curious on how to really stand out. I would appreciate any opinions. "Hey there! Well, to start off, I'm a freelance illustrator and graphic designer of seven years, having studied art from *. Currently I'm continuing my work as a freelancer while also trying to get my foot in the door of a career where I can use my skills. For now, I work a full time job and I've been enjoying it! Outside my passion for art, I love music. My favorite bands are all within the rock and heavy metal genres, but I also some alternative, punk, and a bit of pop as well. I'm very passionate about the things I enjoy. I believe you need to be happy about what you do, otherwise you're not living your life fully. I put my heart and dedication into just about everything I do, and I tend to be a bit of a nerd. I love epic sagas like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and absolutely love Disney movies. I'm a bit of an introvert but once you get to know me I open up pretty easily. I enjoy a few outdoor activities such as running, playing basketball, swimming, and biking. I love going to the movies, hanging out with my friends, going to Disneyland, playing my guitar, and singing my heart out (though I'm not the best singer). I would like to meet a woman who can be both a partner and also my best friend. I don't believe we have to like all the same things to be compatible, just as long as we have some common interests and we complement each other. Going for your dreams is important and I highly respect you if you're working toward where you want to be in life. It's important that we want to share our lives with each other but also retain our own livelihood and identities. I enjoy being with a woman who loves to have a good time whether it's going out for drinks, taking a bike ride, or staying at home and cooking together. Also, if you're the kind of girl who loves to such rock out to music in the car we'll get along just fine! Feel free to shoot me a message if you're interested!" EDIT: This post is rather longer than I expected. Still would appreciate the time to read! Thanks!
Mascara Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Looks fine to me, but you're pretty young (and therefore going for girls who are too), and that age range is difficult for men on OLD. Best advice I can give you is - don't even think about OLD at your age. Get out there and meet girls, you'll have much more luck. You sound very "together", you shouldn't be relying on dating sites. 1
Imajerk17 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) "Hey there! 1. Well, to start off, I'm a freelance illustrator and graphic designer of seven years, having studied art from *. Currently I'm continuing my work as a freelancer while also trying to get my foot in the door of a career where I can use my skills. For now, I work a full time job and I've been enjoying it! Outside my passion for art, I love music. My favorite bands are all within the rock and heavy metal genres, but I also some alternative, punk, and a bit of pop as well. I'm very passionate about the things I enjoy. I believe you need to be happy about what you do, otherwise you're not living your life fully. I put my heart and dedication into just about everything I do, and I tend to be a bit of a nerd. I love epic sagas like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, 2. and absolutely love Disney movies. 3. I'm a bit of an introvert but once you get to know me I open up pretty easily. I enjoy a few outdoor activities such as running, playing basketball, swimming, and biking. I love going to the movies, hanging out with my friends, 2. going to Disneyland, playing my guitar, and singing my heart out (though I'm not the best singer). I would like to meet a woman who can be both a partner and also my best friend. I don't believe we have to like all the same things to be compatible, just as long as we have some common interests and we complement each other. Going for your dreams is important and I highly respect you if you're working toward where you want to be in life. It's important that we want to share our lives with each other but also retain our own livelihood and identities. I enjoy being with a woman who loves to have a good time whether it's going out for drinks, taking a bike ride, or staying at home and cooking together. Also, if you're the kind of girl who loves to such rock out to music in the car we'll get along just fine! 4. Feel free to shoot me a message if you're interested!" EDIT: This post is rather longer than I expected. Still would appreciate the time to read! Thanks! I think it is too long, there are a lot of cliches in there that could be taken out. I bolded and numbered a few specific things that stood out for me: 1. A bit convoluted and TMI at the beginning of your profile. You don't want to confuse or lose readers from the beginning and you don't want them to be wondering if you have stable employment either. As long as you're gainfully employed and working full-time, that's fine for now. 2. A woman will read that you love Disney movies, and with so little else to go by, will then be wondering if you are effeminate. Take it out. Same with "going to Disneyland" unless you're taking your niece(s) and/or nephew(s). 3. TMI. A girl is looking for a guy who draws *her* out of *her* shell anyway. 4. Too many exclamation points. I counted 3, and it makes you sound a bit too eager. Few people can get away with the tone of their writing sounding masculine while using exclamation points. Still, your pictures are maybe 70% of your profile, and this text isn't a horror story. Overall you'd be better *showing* your active interests in your photos and a caption (such as a picture of you playing the guitar, and a picture of you being outside, a picture of you working out). Edited October 7, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
clia Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Overall, I think it's fine, but there isn't really anything different or exciting about it. You mention a lot of the standard things you tend to read in online profiles. I could see a profile like this easily blending in with the rest. Honestly, the most important thing in online dating is that you have good photos. Do you? I will give you my thoughts as I read through it. "Hey there! Well, to start off, I'm a freelance illustrator and graphic designer of seven years, having studied art from *. Currently I'm continuing my work as a freelancer while also trying to get my foot in the door of a career where I can use my skills. So he's a dreamer artist type, who hasn't been able to get his foot in the door for the past seven years. Hmm..... For now, I work a full time job and I've been enjoying it! Well, at least he's got a full time job. I wonder what type of job it is? Outside my passion for art, I love music. My favorite bands are all within the rock and heavy metal genres, but I also some alternative, punk, and a bit of pop as well. Fine. I'm very passionate about the things I enjoy. Just like everyone else on [insert dating site]! I believe you need to be happy about what you do, otherwise you're not living your life fully. Which explains why he's still pursuing his artist dream... I put my heart and dedication into just about everything I do, and I tend to be a bit of a nerd. I love epic sagas like Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and absolutely love Disney movies. Hmm...a guy who likes Disney movies. Interesting. Not sure what to make of this. I'm a bit of an introvert but once you get to know me I open up pretty easily. Fine. I enjoy a few outdoor activities such as running, playing basketball, swimming, and biking. Well, at least he's not a total slug. I love going to the movies, hanging out with my friends, going to Disneyland, playing my guitar, and singing my heart out (though I'm not the best singer). God, I wonder how many impromptu singing sessions on the guitar I will have to endure if I date this guy. And another Disney reference! I would like to meet a woman who can be both a partner and also my best friend. I don't believe we have to like all the same things to be compatible, just as long as we have some common interests and we complement each other. Fine, but bland. I feel like everyone says this kind of stuff. Going for your dreams is important and I highly respect you if you're working toward where you want to be in life. We can be dreamers together....hmm....wonder who is going to pay the bills! It's important that we want to share our lives with each other but also retain our own livelihood and identities. Good, he's not a clinger. I enjoy being with a woman who loves to have a good time whether it's going out for drinks, taking a bike ride, or staying at home and cooking together. Also, if you're the kind of girl who loves to such rock out to music in the car we'll get along just fine! You missed walks on the beach! LOL.
tlegend Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You seem to be someone who is well adjusted. That being said, stop treating dating like it's a job interview. Ok, bad analogy, as it is technically an on-going interview......but for the sake of argument, please bear with me. You can't fill out a general blanket "This is who I am and what I'm looking for" form and then hope that people will respond to that. In fact, as someone put up above, you should really try to reach out in-person, it's much much different. Learning all the quirks about someone is half the fun! However, should you feel this is the avenue you would like to travel, I suggest deleting that entire mail you have been sending to everyone, and take 10 minutes of your day to write a personalized mail to someone you are interested in. It's not a numbers game. It's a quality game. Good luck and God bless! 1
Phantom888 Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) I am assuming you are on Match, since you are able to see who viewed your profile. Here are my 2 cents, since I have had great success on Match, and have learned from my mistakes. As a man, the odds are against you when it comes to OLD, but it doesn't mean you will fail. It sounds like you are copying/pasting this long intro, and sending the same thing to all your prospects. DON'T DO THAT! That never works because it shows you are throwing a wide net, and are willing to take whoever you can catch. Women want to feel special. They don't want to feel like one of 100 fish that you are hoping to catch or settle for. Don't talk about Disney anything. Yes you may be young at heart, or have a little romantic thingy inside of you, but Disney is fantasy and does not imply stability and strength, which are characteristics that a lot of women desire. As stated before, your profile picture is a HUGE factor in whether or not a woman will want to explore your profile. Make your main profile picture as attractive and interesting as possible. You don't have to be super handsome. Just don't be creepy or weird. The more harmless the better...but don't dress up like a Disney character. Disney characters are actually very creepy when brought to real life! I am in my late 30s, divorced, good job, and lots of life experience. My Match profile gets viewed 10-15 times a day. When I was active on it, I send out 2-3 hellos to different women every day. They all (100%) view my profile because I usually comment on something unique about them, so they know I read their entire profile. Out of all the hellos I send out, I get a "wink" every other day. I get a full intro once a week. So basically I build a pool of interesting women I want to date. Then I start corresponding via email/text the few that I want to meet. That's it. OLD isn't all that hard....you just have to put some effort into it, and sell yourself to the fullest when the opportunity arises. Edited October 8, 2013 by Phantom888
MrCastle Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I am assuming you are on Match, since you are able to see who viewed your profile. Here are my 2 cents, since I have had great success on Match, and have learned from my mistakes. As a man, the odds are against you when it comes to OLD, but it doesn't mean you will fail. It sounds like you are copying/pasting this long intro, and sending the same thing to all your prospects. DON'T DO THAT! That never works because it shows you are throwing a wide net, and are willing to take whoever you can catch. Women want to feel special. They don't want to feel like one of 100 fish that you are hoping to catch or settle for. Don't talk about Disney anything. Yes you may be young at heart, or have a little romantic thingy inside of you, but Disney is fantasy and does not imply stability and strength, which are characteristics that a lot of women desire. As stated before, your profile picture is a HUGE factor in whether or not a woman will want to explore your profile. Make your main profile picture as attractive and interesting as possible. You don't have to be super handsome. Just don't be creepy or weird. The more harmless the better...but don't dress up like a Disney character. Disney characters are actually very creepy when brought to real life! I am in my late 30s, divorced, good job, and lots of life experience. My Match profile gets viewed 10-15 times a day. When I was active on it, I send out 2-3 hellos to different women every day. They all (100%) view my profile because I usually comment on something unique about them, so they know I read their entire profile. Out of all the hellos I send out, I get a "wink" every other day. I get a full intro once a week. So basically I build a pool of interesting women I want to date. Then I start corresponding via email/text the few that I want to meet. That's it. OLD isn't all that hard....you just have to put some effort into it, and sell yourself to the fullest when the opportunity arises. Okcupid as well. It's your pictures. Bottom line. Tons of women will write somewhere in their profile "only message me if you've read my profile," or something else that indicates they are only interested in messages that are unique and show them that you've taken a whole 2 minutes to get a feel for who they are as people. And that's fair. However, what they fail to add, is "and I will reply if I find you physically attractive." Nor do they say "hot guys need not apply to these rules, give me a typical copy and paste message and I will get back to you." Dozens of social experiments have been done showing women respond to looks online the same way men do. And that's fine. They are perfectly in their right to do so. You have to take pictures that make you look your most flattering. Find out what look comes better for you -- smiling or suave, button shirt or t shirt, etc. Find your best look, seek advice from real life friends and females, and put your best pictures up. The written profile, if casual dating is what you're looking for, should be as ambiguous as possible. It is not a platform for you to alienate a specific political party, or lifestyle, or whatever. If you're not looking for a wife, but rather just a cool girl to date, the less you write, the better. You're less likely to have people rule you out.
veggirl Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 straight up, your profile is fine and no girl who is attracted to you will be bothered by it. people can nit-pick it to death but that won't change your results cause overall it is FINE. I agree with East_coaster. don't bother fine-tooth combing your profile. make sure your pics are on point. 1
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