Day 8 of NC

[starryeyedsurprise]

Today is officially over a week of NC. The longest we went in the past was 1 week of NC, of which he broke to apologize to me about a month ago and tell me I am the most amazing person he ever met, and he appreciates everything about me. Of course, I broke and we tried again for a few weeks, until I found out for certain that he is still with his ex/fiance/gf whatever she is.

 

What I am battling today is the space he lives in, in my head. He is staying there for free, on my mind and thoughts 24/7. In my dreams, even while at work. I won't break NC, I promised myself not to put myself through this anymore. I am trying to put the pieces together, that he is a selfish sociopath narc. However my head pulls me in other directions, remembering all the good times, and things he said. That I was the most important person in his life, he would be devasted to lose me, he loves me, soulmate, blah blah blah. He always told me I am not just a piece of A S S to him, that he is not using me, etc.

 

What can I do? I picture a Huge Stop sign and I just can't stop thinking about him!!!!!

[Ronni_W]

It sounds almost impossible but what needs to be done, whenever you catch yourself thinking about him, is to fill your mind with other thoughts. Doesn't matter which other ones: Sing 'Happy Birthday' or countdown from 327 in nines or thirteens or say the alphabet backwards...something, anything tough enough to need your mind's full attention.

 

When I wanted to overcome an undesirable mental habit some years back, I wore a heavy-duty, thick rubber band on my wrist and snapped myself (really hard) whenever I became aware of thinking about what I didn't want to think about. Ouch!!! But it was really, really effective in a hurry

 

Best of luck.

[FoolishOW]

Speaking strictly for myself, I felt this way as well. Much to my surprise, it got better. The longer NC went, the less he remained on my mind. It isn't a quick fix, it takes time, lots of time, but the longer you go NC, the more your system adjusts to the reality of the situation... especially if you're not hearing from him.

 

If you are hearing from him, the choice is yours to either pay attention to what's being said, or let it go completely. I have done the latter w/o a slip up... 2 months so far. I'm gaining everyday, and often feeling "what the hell was I thinking". I'm grateful it hasn't been worse, but 2 months ago I wouldn't have believed I could do this. NC is a beautiful thing if you stick to it.

[Cali408]

Congratulations! Do not give in. No internet stalking included. For me the social network is the hardest.

 

It gets better at about day 10. You feel stronger every day. Where you are making the mistake is day dreaming and putting him on a pedestal. When you start this, try to tell your mind that "our relationship was based on dishonesty, there are no soulmates and the situation is hopeless so I'm going to let it go."

 

Keep repeating this. You'll think of him every 5 minutes, then it will be 10, then 15. It takes 21 days to break a habit.l You're a 1/3 of the way there.

 

Keep it up! You are doing great. Any anxiety you feel is just your brain signaling that it needs it's addictive fix. Just hormones, nothing else.

[starryeyedsurprise]

Thank you all, I have very happy with the NC. However it seems my mind is obsessing over this whole situation. I can't get over the fact that I became the OW, that he used me, and manipulated me.

Time will heal, and I know this, but today is just so hard.

A part of me wonders if he will break NC, he has done so everytime in the past (about 20 times in 7 months), so I need to just block him in every way, phone, text, email, etc....but I need to just get strong and block him.

[JPMC]

Your ego loves being massaged. Think of your heart as healing. Every time he makes contact, you rip off the scab and go backwards. BLOCK HIM NOW. Not the next time.

[Ashley87]

Thank you all, I have very happy with the NC. However it seems my mind is obsessing over this whole situation. I can't get over the fact that I became the OW, that he used me, and manipulated me.

Time will heal, and I know this, but today is just so hard.

A part of me wonders if he will break NC, he has done so everytime in the past (about 20 times in 7 months), so I need to just block him in every way, phone, text, email, etc....but I need to just get strong and block him.

 

It'll it get better with time I promise! The first few days for me were hell, he literally lived in my mind I'm going on a month with NC and I feel a thousand time better than before! Yes there is no quick fix, find things to stay pre occupied! Book club, dance class, the gym, yoga anything fun and where you could be around other fun happy people that helps a ton keep on girlfriend I have faith in you

[starryeyedsurprise]

It'll it get better with time I promise! The first few days for me were hell, he literally lived in my mind I'm going on a month with NC and I feel a thousand time better than before! Yes there is no quick fix, find things to stay pre occupied! Book club, dance class, the gym, yoga anything fun and where you could be around other fun happy people that helps a ton keep on girlfriend I have faith in you

 

 

Thanks Ashley! I am on day 10 today, and I am feeling much better. I still think about him, and he still creeps on my mind, but not as intense as a week ago. I am also happy that he has not tried to contact me either.

 

This time, I am walking away for good. No 2nd guessing, no pulling me back, no convincing, no nothing. There is too much damage there.

 

I am going to do my best to move on. I am still having a hard time, and find myself laying on the couch, but at least there are no more tears and no more desires to contact him.

[Goodbye]

Congratulations! Do not give in. No internet stalking included. For me the social network is the hardest.

 

It gets better at about day 10. You feel stronger every day. Where you are making the mistake is day dreaming and putting him on a pedestal. When you start this, try to tell your mind that "our relationship was based on dishonesty, there are no soulmates and the situation is hopeless so I'm going to let it go."

 

Keep repeating this. You'll think of him every 5 minutes, then it will be 10, then 15. It takes 21 days to break a habit.l You're a 1/3 of the way there.

 

Keep it up! You are doing great. Any anxiety you feel is just your brain signaling that it needs it's addictive fix. Just hormones, nothing else.

 

 

Yes, the internet prolonged stuff for me. I still relapse with this. I was great with NC...no calls, texts, emails etc. But I'd still look at his FB and create scenarios in my mind. Not good.

[starryeyedsurprise]

I am so guilty of the internet stalking...I can't help myself, it almost feels like I am trying to keep the buzz alive. I have to quit, just stop.

 

I keep looking at the picture of the two of them, she posted it....it's the picture I discovered the night I broke it off with him. He had me so convinced there was nothing between them, over for months before I even came into his life. The pictures are of them kissing and hugging, having a great time. I don't need any more proof, those pics killed any chance with me. I am not an option or choice. I am not going to settle for breadcrumbs and being the OW.

 

I was duped, I was lied to, I was "cheated" on. He had me convinced that he loved me and wanted to marry me....the whole time he was engaged to someone else.

[Goodbye]

I am so guilty of the internet stalking...I can't help myself, it almost feels like I am trying to keep the buzz alive. I have to quit, just stop.

 

I keep looking at the picture of the two of them, she posted it....it's the picture I discovered the night I broke it off with him. He had me so convinced there was nothing between them, over for months before I even came into his life. The pictures are of them kissing and hugging, having a great time. I don't need any more proof, those pics killed any chance with me. I am not an option or choice. I am not going to settle for breadcrumbs and being the OW.

 

I was duped, I was lied to, I was "cheated" on. He had me convinced that he loved me and wanted to marry me....the whole time he was engaged to someone else.

 

 

Starry, I'm so sorry. I also was lied to...almost feels like being cheated on. My exMM presented himself as separated w a WIFE who wanted a divorce. I believed him, long distance the facts were hard to substantiate without cyber stalking. One day last winter I decided to do some cyber stalking and it was clear that his marriage was NOT as presented and it made me sick. Nothing overt, just clear that this was an intact family...nothing like it was presented. Last we spoke (month ago) he was still begging and claiming he was ending his marriage. I occasionally look at his (and her) FB, but he has it totally locked down now...Gee, wonder why??

[Cali408]

I am so guilty of the internet stalking...I can't help myself, it almost feels like I am trying to keep the buzz alive. I have to quit, just stop.

 

I keep looking at the picture of the two of them, she posted it....it's the picture I discovered the night I broke it off with him. He had me so convinced there was nothing between them, over for months before I even came into his life. The pictures are of them kissing and hugging, having a great time. I don't need any more proof, those pics killed any chance with me. I am not an option or choice. I am not going to settle for breadcrumbs and being the OW.

 

I was duped, I was lied to, I was "cheated" on. He had me convinced that he loved me and wanted to marry me....the whole time he was engaged to someone else.

 

Internet stalking is breaking no contact. You get the nervous stomach, heart racing and you do it. Delete your Facebook account. This is self torture and will not heal you. I told my AP I wasn't engaging anymore so knock it off. Playing peekaboo on Linkedin and tweeting common subjects. It's still contact. Pretend it's 1967 and there are two ways to communicate. US Mail and Ma Bell.