Mr Scorpio Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I used to be sane. Then I went to graduate school and it all went downhill from there. I am such an idiot sometimes. You aren't insane. You aren't an idiot. You're human. You're wrapped up in emotions for a guy who has, sadly, moved on and apparently sees fit not to contact you. Now, if you're still having these emotional reactions in a year? Then I'll reconsider.
JoelBarish Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Anya, Anya, Anya... We live and we learn. Let us know how it goes...
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Oh, I can tell you how it will go. The only real question now, is whether I'll get no response on facebook, or whether I'll get no response on facebook and he blocks me. Perhaps he will surprise me, I hope. But seriously, who was I seeing? Because this does not even seem like the same person at all.
JoelBarish Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Oh, I can tell you how it will go. The only real question now, is whether I'll get no response on facebook, or whether I'll get no response on facebook and he blocks me. Perhaps he will surprise me, I hope. But seriously, who was I seeing? Because this does not even seem like the same person at all. I know how you feel about not knowing who the person is anymore... Yeah, once again you run the risk of getting no response and feeling rejected again. Perhaps you don't even want a response at this point, you just wanted to speak your mind. We all have setbacks.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 @Mr. Scorpio-- since my computer seems to be having problems with the quote feature. Quick overview of my life since last spring. A friend of mine was murdered by her crazy boyfriend before he killed himself. Literally a day or so later, this cute guy that I had fun flirting with (and hadn't yet figured out just how incredibly younger than I he actually was) all of a sudden switched in my head (I am still trying to figure this one out, because usually falling for me is a carefully planned and rational decision) to guy I was majorly in love with. So I just get that idiocy worked out, when I start dating Tim. And then all of this. I think, actually, very soon, I might be certifiable, if this keeps going on (keep in mind, grad school is going on this whole time with all of this!). And that is just after I started grad school. I've unfortunately got a past with some trauma in it as well. I feel like I have been put through the ringer and I just want the pain to stop. Sometimes I can't decide whether it is a shame or a blessing that I am such to cling to life enough that I couldn't ever consider that unconsiderable, if you know what I mean.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) Setback. I guess you could call it that. Couldn't the stupid peeper have waited a month or two, until I was farther down the road with this whole thing. The pit of my stomach is in knots. Facebook tells me that the message was seen about an hour ago. I wonder what he is thinking right now. What he is feeling, and if he can think of what I might be going through right now. I realize, if the past is any indication, that he's probably filled with all kinds of anxiety and upset. He's not the only one. I seem to remember possessing in the past something resembling emotional equilibrium. I would like to possess it again. I don't do well with all these weird levels. Edited October 8, 2013 by AnyaNova Autocorrect mayhem 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Just an update. I chose to send one last thing over facebook. An apology for the rant I sent last night. My mood has been so unstable (and correlates quite highly with my vitamin b levels or lack thereof) and has been really affecting my judgment. I let him know that, and let him know that from here on out, I wouldn't bother him, even if something really bad happened. My mood really sucks today. I know part of it is the contact, but I also know that part of it is the extended glutening (I had to be on a medication for my breathing for a few weeks that glutened me), and what happens in the aftermath of one. I am really, really down today.
JoelBarish Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Just an update. I chose to send one last thing over facebook. An apology for the rant I sent last night. My mood has been so unstable (and correlates quite highly with my vitamin b levels or lack thereof) and has been really affecting my judgment. I let him know that, and let him know that from here on out, I wouldn't bother him, even if something really bad happened. My mood really sucks today. I know part of it is the contact, but I also know that part of it is the extended glutening (I had to be on a medication for my breathing for a few weeks that glutened me), and what happens in the aftermath of one. I am really, really down today. Not sure what I can say that will be of comfort here. You already know what's good for your healing. All I say is stay strong and you will eventually get through this.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Not sure what I can say that will be of comfort here. You already know what's good for your healing. All I say is stay strong and you will eventually get through this. It is really hard right now. I am not managing well. I will stay strong, and I will work my butt off tonight. I just, I don't even know how everything got to be such a huge mess.
Angry bird Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) Inhale, exhale, read psalm 91 (if that's your thing). And start all over. At 6 weeks post break up I went off on Ex's now Ex girlfriend on twitter calling her names... The whole shabang. I just lost it. Then I realized this was effen it. I'm not driving myself crazy over these people. It hurt like a b!tch. But guess what? The now ex sent me a Facebook message apologizing for being catty (she was pushing the ex to break it off with me, she was his good friend turned girlfriend turned ex girlfriend). If you would have told me that this would happen, I would have never believed you. No worries you can pick yourself up and get back on road to healing. Edited October 8, 2013 by Angry bird 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 Apparently right now, I can't read Psalm 91 without losing it. Big time. I think I am going to take the online quiz for a class of mine that is due tomorrow morning, call a friend for a short time, take a shower and call it a night. I am really not doing well. This is so bizarre, because a bunch of this emotion is rooted in the vitamin issues from getting glutened. So with the careful supplementation that I am doing, I will get a few hours here and there where I am o.k. and this stuff with Tim hurts a little, but is manageable and my life is fine. But then the balance gets off again, and I crash. It is almost worse than being completely depressed all the time, because then, at least, one knows where one stands and is not on a wild careening bus ride in crazy town.
loveofhorses1970 Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Hugs to you AnyaNova. Spinning out of control is definitely no fun, and I know you feel like you're going crazy. It's emotion, anxiety, fear, all balling up. Find a focus, anything but your ex. Focus, focus, focus. Went through a little of this craziness today, myself. It happens. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start over honey. <3 Blessings <3
Author AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 I am trying. I will start day one of no contact again. And this time, since he has made it clear that there is no circumstance on this earth that would result in him actually responding to me, it will be forever. How could I have fallen for someone who could be so cold, and so cruelly unresponsive, given the circumstance? My sense of safety has been blown to bits again, and now my trust in my ability to judge people has been shot to heck and back. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 Inhale, exhale, read psalm 91 (if that's your thing). And start all over. At 6 weeks post break up I went off on Ex's now Ex girlfriend on twitter calling her names... The whole shabang. I just lost it. Then I realized this was effen it. I'm not driving myself crazy over these people. It hurt like a b!tch. But guess what? The now ex sent me a Facebook message apologizing for being catty (she was pushing the ex to break it off with me, she was his good friend turned girlfriend turned ex girlfriend). If you would have told me that this would happen, I would have never believed you. No worries you can pick yourself up and get back on road to healing. havent read psalm 91 it is a very strong and uplifting psalm....perfection....great post angry bird...kudos.....deb 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 9, 2013 Author Posted October 9, 2013 It's a good one. I just wish that I could believe that it applied to me right now. I don't think, save my friends death last spring, I have been this much of an emotional wreck since before I went gluten free and this was a nearly permanent state for me.
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Posted October 9, 2013 It's a good one. I just wish that I could believe that it applied to me right now. I don't think, save my friends death last spring, I have been this much of an emotional wreck since before I went gluten free and this was a nearly permanent state for me. You have such a good heart. You have strength in you. You've been very strong the way you resisted making contact for as long as you did. Maybe this will kill off the hope you have been carrying. As someone told me the other day "perhaps now you see this person for who they really are instead of seeing them for who you wanted them to be". 2
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