AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Last night at 11:00, I saw a guy peeking in my window, but he backed away as soon as I saw him, and by the time I got to the window he was gone. I know that it wasn't my ex, I just need him to confirm it. That leaves a random creeper, or one other option that is really not good. But I did not need this. This really sucks! And, to make matters worse, when I sent the text, I accidentally sent it to the wrong number. I only realized later that I had sent it to the embarrassing crush I had before I started dating Tim, who is now in another state. Thankfully. But the last thing I needed was that.
Mariposa10 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 So you didn't really end up texting him??? Because you texted someone else accidently? I'm confused...
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 After I realized the mistake, I went ahead and sent the message to my ex. I mean, frankly, if it were my ex, I would feel a lot safer, because I know my ex isn't, you know, creepy. So yes, I did contact my ex.
Mariposa10 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 After I realized the mistake, I went ahead and sent the message to my ex. I mean, frankly, if it were my ex, I would feel a lot safer, because I know my ex isn't, you know, creepy. So yes, I did contact my ex. and what happened? how long had you been NC?
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 It looks like 31 days. I haven't heard back, but it has only been a few minutes, and he is at work. So it could lunch, or even after 5. If he answers back.
HorseLuck Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 After I realized the mistake, I went ahead and sent the message to my ex. I mean, frankly, if it were my ex, I would feel a lot safer, because I know my ex isn't, you know, creepy. So yes, I did contact my ex. Do you think subconsciously you may also want him to feel concerned, since you stated it wasn't him? Even if it was, he could lie about it? That aside, make sure to have a weapon in your house and keep an eye out for the next couple of days. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Technically speaking, I didn't get a good enough view to be able to say that it definitely wasn't my ex. I am just going off of what I know of him as a person.
HorseLuck Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 * what I meant to say was place a couple of items in secret locations around the house. Let us know what he says. 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I will. My mother, who has been a surprisingly accurate predictor of his behavior, doesn't think he will answer at all. Not even for this, about my safety. I don't know how I feel about that, but I am suspecting there is a setback in this coming somewhere. Subconsciously, maybe I did want him to be concerned, but I guess my thought right now, was that on the really off chance that it was him, I would feel a lot safer.
JoelBarish Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Anya, I really doubt it was your ex. There is no way of knowing who it was. Honestly I think you were looking for a reason to contact him. Imagine if my phone rings and no one is there. I know that in spite of everything I still want it to be my ex reaching out to me and tell me she is sorry. So I now have the excuse to pick up the phone and call her and say "did you call me?" But here is the deal, no matter how many times my phone rings it's not going to be her. No matter how man text messages I get, it's not going to be her. It doesn't matter if I see a woman out in my yard late at night looking in my window, it's not going to be her. As soon as I realize that it won't ever be her I will be a lot better off. I know that you are genuinely frightened that someone was outside your window but it probably wasn't him, even though you would feel safer if it had been. He may respond now to your contact but I would not be surprised if he didn't. The bad thing about contacting him is now you get to stare at your phone and hope that he contacts you and if he doesn't you get to feel rejected again. This does not help your healing. 6
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Yep. And its happening already. I know (I don't know do cells block texts too? If he blocked me, maybe he didn't actually see it) that he would have seen it over the lunch break, and he didn't choose to respond. Not even one simple stupid yes or no to reassure me. I don't understand at all. If something like that happened to him, I would definitely reassure him. But, because if it happens again, I will have to call the police, it is better that he know. Because the police of course will probably have questions about previous exes, and depending on how much they do (though I would definitely try and point out that it wasn't him), it is better that he does know, so that if an officer shows up at his work to ask him questions or something, it doesn't come out of the blue. God I hope it was just a on off random creeper. I really don't want him to be hassled by the cops. I don't want to have to deal with having some weirdo peeper. Did I mean so little to him that he cannot give me a simple yes or no?
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 God and I have so much work I need to be doing. Somebody please say something to help me stop (I can't believe I'm going to admit this publicly, but here goes, the need is too great) bawling my idiotic little eyes out, and get me back to work!!!!
JoelBarish Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 God and I have so much work I need to be doing. Somebody please say something to help me stop (I can't believe I'm going to admit this publicly, but here goes, the need is too great) bawling my idiotic little eyes out, and get me back to work!!!! You're going to be ok. I am sure the random creepy guy was just passing by. Be safe and call the police if you notice anything suspicious again. I don't know why exes have to be so cold to us. They can't give us the same common courtesy they would give to a stranger. Please hang tough 4
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 I don't get the lack of common decency. I would text him back in a heartbeat to let him know, if the situations were reversed. I have never once, since we ended things, driven by his place, once I sent the email and felt heard, I haven't bothered him at all or sent him anything (even though I really really really wanted to) I respected his decision, even though I highly suspect that the decision was ultimately damaging for both of us (me in the whole friend losing department, him in the whole, trusting people to not leave department). Why can he not just bloody take the time to text one little, "no it was not me" or "yes it was me" (but I know it wasn't). How much emotional maturity does it take? 1
Mariposa10 Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I don't get the lack of common decency. I would text him back in a heartbeat to let him know, if the situations were reversed. I have never once, since we ended things, driven by his place, once I sent the email and felt heard, I haven't bothered him at all or sent him anything (even though I really really really wanted to) I respected his decision, even though I highly suspect that the decision was ultimately damaging for both of us (me in the whole friend losing department, him in the whole, trusting people to not leave department). Why can he not just bloody take the time to text one little, "no it was not me" or "yes it was me" (but I know it wasn't). How much emotional maturity does it take? Maybe he's afraid of leading you on? How long has it been since you two last talked? 1
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) It was the 6th. I'm not going to take him saying, "yes" or "no" as some sign that he wants to get back together. And if he wanted to disappear again after, that's fine too. I am very tired, for some funny reason I didn't sleep well last night, and my classes are early. I am going to take a short nap and a shower and then get down to work. And convince myself that my brain's attempt to suggest that the reason he didn't text is because he is planning on calling me after work, is a load of bs straight from the land of lunacy. Edited October 7, 2013 by AnyaNova autocorrect 2
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Seriously? Nothing. Not even three words to tell me it wasn't him. Are you serious? Did he ever freakung care about me at all?
JoelBarish Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Seriously? Nothing. Not even three words to tell me it wasn't him. Are you serious? Did he ever freakung care about me at all? As you said maybe he blocked your texts. All that matters is you get back to NC and healing. And remember, if you are ever wondering if your ex was nearby or trying to contact you, remind yourself that he would probably be the last one you should consider. If your ex ever does contact you, you will know it without a doubt that it is him doing the contacting. 2
seekingpeaceinlove Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Anya, of course he cared about you during the relationship but clearly he's moved on. Also, it could have creeped him out a little that you were wondering if he was the peeping tom. Seriously...I'd be creeped out if my ex texted me something like that out of the blue. He could have also blocked you and never have gotten your message. Whatever the case may be, let him go. He has no obligations to respond to you and you're only hurting yourself at this point. 4
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 Anya, of course he cared about you during the relationship but clearly he's moved on. Also, it could have creeped him out a little that you were wondering if he was the peeping tom. Seriously...I'd be creeped out if my ex texted me something like that out of the blue. He could have also blocked you and never have gotten your message. Whatever the case may be, let him go. He has no obligations to respond to you and you're only hurting yourself at this point. I did state very clearly that I did not think it was him. But just to let me know. Also, in case it is not a one off thing, it is good hey he be appraised of the situation. If it happens again, I'm going to have to go to the police and you know they would ask about exes. I would try and tell them it wasn't him, but I doubt that would cut the mustard completely or that they would take my word for it.
JoelBarish Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 I did state very clearly that I did not think it was him. But just to let me know. Also, in case it is not a one off thing, it is good hey he be appraised of the situation. If it happens again, I'm going to have to go to the police and you know they would ask about exes. I would try and tell them it wasn't him, but I doubt that would cut the mustard completely or that they would take my word for it. I am sure many would have reacted the same way. You are doing fine and I hope no more creeps come around.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 7, 2013 Author Posted October 7, 2013 It still burns that he couldn't spare two seconds to tell me it wasn't him. As I said, if the situations were reversed, I would have given him that, at least. Although at this point, even that is wearing thin.
Still-I-Rise Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 I was hoping he would have replied to you by now. Please remember you are not him and that he is not obligated to extend the same consideration you would. You are not extensions of each other. You've received some really good advice on this thread. Hold fast to the wisdom of others' shared experiences and get back to protecting yourself. Peace
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Thank you, Still I Rise (btw, I love your screen name!), you are right, it is very good advice. I should never have assumed that he would be able to look beyond himself and his own stuff for long enough to see what this might be doing to me, or how just knowing would help. I don't know what his deal is, but he is NOT!!!! at all the person that I thought he was.
Author AnyaNova Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Oh no!!! the crazy's back! About two minutes after hanging up with a friend who I told I wasn't going to try to contact him again about it via a different method in case he had me blocked, I got so incredibly mad that I sent him a mini rant on facebook. I used to be sane. Then I went to graduate school and it all went downhill from there. I am such an idiot sometimes.
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