HorseLuck Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) Today is garbage day.. there isn't a lot of things I would have to throw out regarding my ex, but I'm uncertain whether I should toss them or not. For example, there is a piece of jewelry. I don't wear it often, but it was well intentioned. When I think of throwing gifts out it is because anger is brewing. When wanting to discard of one of these things, I'm well aware of my emotions at the time. Because they're mainly negative I feel like i'd be acting from the side of irrationality and selfishness. Now that I think about it, with past relationships I've always held on to at least one thing. It was because I honestly wanted to. I liked the items enough to want to keep them. But they were out of a sight for awhile. Still, maybe that prolonged the duration of getting over some relationships.. i don't know. I have a tough time throwing things out in general; a bit of a pack rat. It's also been taking me awhile to get over this relationship. At least what I consider slow progress if any.. I know part of the reasoning behind wanting to keep stuff linked is because it's a piece of them I'd still be able to hold on to. No one can rightfully take it away. Subconsciously, I still have hope. There's a tiny pea-sized fragment of hope I'm doing my best to destroy. The other reasoning is because if I threw it out I know I would feel guilty. By doing that I think I'm making the person out to be evil, that I couldn't tolerate having something around that at the time was meant to be endearing. That it's a quick solution that doesn't actually make me feel better, though I can't speak on that behalf obviously. And also, if you think about the various relationships we go through in a lifetime, is that how we bid farewell to the other person we had love and respect for at one point? just throwing things given to us out? I know it depends on the situation behind the relationship ending. Or maybe it shouldn't? I've gotten him a lot of gifts over time. If I found out he threw out a majority or all of them, I'd be upset. Yes he has no obligation to keep anything, but it would still hurt because I put a lot of effort into those things. I know when one gives gifts there should be no strings attached, it's my resentment speaking. I think back and kind of regret getting all of those things because it's a bad habit of mine. I tend to be a gift giver. There's also a plushie that.. I can't make up my mind about. I think it would be better off giving it to a child, yet I wonder if I should keep it. I just remember the memories behind it..I don't have the strength to cut its head off or burn it. lol Can someone provide some logic or reasoning to help change my train of thought? I guess I want to feel able to throw things out without feeling like a horrible person afterwards, and that it's actually an ok thing. Many people seem to have no problems doing this. Why am I the only one? Edited October 7, 2013 by HorseLuck
BetterEveryDay Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Many people seem to have no problems doing this. Why am I the only one? I don't have any answers for you, but I can definitely tell you you are NOT the only one. I boxed up gifts from my ex as well as things she left at the house when she moved out. That box is sitting in a closet and I'm not ready to let it go. I've spent the last couple weeks reading hundreds of posts on loveshack like it's my job and I know there are many others going through the same thing. You are not alone.
nightporter Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I'm not sure what the right thing to do is but when my girlfriend left me I couldn't bare to look at anything that reminded me of her (still cant) So I threw away a lot of things. I had to discard lots of gifts that she bought me over the years - the memories were just too painful. There was a box full of stuff that I couldnt bring myself to throw away, just little mementos from when we went traveling and things, I gave that to her just before going NC and told her to do whatever she wanted with it. My advice is this, If an item is preventing you from making progress in terms of moving on, GET IT OUT OF SIGHT! If its to special to throw away then give it to somebody else to hold on to for you until a time comes when it no longer carries so much emotional significance. Throwing away gifts can seem petty, but after a breakup the most important thing is getting yourself back to being YOU, and if a mere object is slowly this process, then discard said object. 1
Misfortune Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I dump EVERYTHING. Everything is now tainted, I don't need constant bad reminders all around me.
Author HorseLuck Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 ^ Thanks guys. Followup.. the items are still here. I don't think I'm ready to let go of the stupid plushie. It doesn't hold much significance. I'm giving it more meaning than it really has.. I'll stuff it away somewhere. As for the other items..I think I'll part with them quicker.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 You certainly aren't alone. While I don't have any sentimental gifts left over from my ex, I still have plenty of practical, around-the-house type stuff. I don't throw them away because they don't trigger any negative feelings. On the other hand, I still have all the post-cards and letters that she ever sent, dating from way back before we were a couple. Those are in a box, which is in another box. Infact, she sent me a letter a few weeks ago. It will go next to another one that she sent twenty-years ago. That being said, my advice in regard to the physical items is the same advice I'd give in regard to the relationship: just let go.
JoelBarish Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 There are certain things I was given that I find useful that I am keeping. I just buried them for now. But there are other things I was given that remind me of my ex and it would be unbearable to see so those things I threw out or sold.
mendsley Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I just broke up with my girl over the weekend (of 3 years) and I have removed every tangible item in my house that reminds me of her. I went through every nook and crany leaving nothing untouched. I also deleted every picture, every file that mentioned her name and deleted every email. My thought is the hardest part of a BU is the moving on or letting the other person go. I won't even listen to music until a few months of healing pass. I feel satisfied for what I've done and do not regret anything one bit. It is a must if you want to move on, it removes all hope you may be holding onto. Do yourself a favor and throw that crap out and focus on yourself. Good luck :-)
CrazyAlex Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Why throw it away when you can pawn it or sell it on ebay/craigslist? Or donate for that matter. I just don't get that. 1
mendsley Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Even better... Get paid! Either way, get it out of your life!
keepontruckin Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 You throw it all out. Everything. I sold my wedding ring. You must sell yours too. I burned the marriage photos. You throw out or burn what you can. To keep even a simple item shows attachment. And you cannot have attachment anymore, since you don't have attachment. These things aren't like collectible coins or such, which you can sell or show to your friends... They are a by-product of a rotten outcome of a failed relationship.
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