Is it possible to re-start a friendship with an ex after 7 months of NC?

[Cherrywheat]

M 26 and F 24. Sorry about the long story, we just have a kinda weird history..We dated almost 4 years ago for not long: we were a good match, but his ex came back when she heard we were dating, so we broke up after he debated on what to do for days. He reached out twice afterwards but I was more or less NC (other than birthdays). I found an awesome guy in college, and my ex's gf dumped him a year later.

 

I reached out to him to reconnect and he seemed really happy about it. We messaged almost every day for about a month, he called to catch up, then we messaged on fb about once a week for two months. He met someone new, and the contact tailed off to almost nothing, but I told him I was really happy for him and meant it.

 

2 months later, he contacted me out of the blue to tell me he was in my town and he wanted to grab coffee. Following that meeting, I moved 8 hours away for med school and we started texting about once a month. Occasionally he was uncomfortably flirty. I skirted around his flirting, and I felt really confused about the situation bc I was growing feelings for him and feeling guilty for BOTH of our relationships.

 

One day, against my better judgment I suggested we grab a beer sometime, he said he'd like that...annnd he seemed to distance himself. We didn't talk much for 3-4 months. It wasn't entirely unfriendly: I "liked" something on that facebook, he "liked" something on mine, I sent him a message when his pet died and he responded. The change was probably just the natural progression of an "ex" friendship, but I took it personally.

 

I was not doing well around that time either. My mother was diagnosed with alzheimer's, I was struggling in my second semester of medical school, I gained a lot of weight from the stress of exams, bf and I were hitting a rough patch.. I went into a depression and had some scary thoughts. His "rejection" made everything worse. I became a little obsessed with his facebook and relationship and my feelings for him were completely inappropriate.

 

I decided that wasn't healthy for anyone and unfriended him without saying anything. It was a little weird since it was only a month since we had talked about his pet, but I needed to do it to gain some distance/perspective. I started seeing a counselor and worked through my confidence, stress, and emotional issues. It's taken some time, but I'm in a really good place now, my life feels more solid and grounded and less likely to be shaken by ex issues. My bf and I are doing amazing, and we actually got engaged. My ex and his gf got engaged about a month after we did.

 

I imagine at this point we have too much strange history to go back to being friends, but I'd like to at least be on good "we could talk if we wanted to" terms again. I feel weird that I can't say congrats to him about getting engaged or just seeing how he's doing, so I want to re-add him on facebook in the near future...would a year from when I unfriended him be long enough? And should I send a message when I do? What likely went through his mind when an ex on-good-terms unfriended him, and does it come off strange to re-add him?