cereal_dater Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Two year relationship ended about 6 weeks ago, a few things weren't moving fast enough for her, but very fixable. She still called everyday like when we were together so I just assumed things would work out. Except last night she went on a first date from OkCupid, says she really likes him, ended up spending the night at his place (said no sex, he moves slow). She called tonight, we talked about fixing our relationship, in a nutshell she basically said "I don't know what to do, I would like things to work with us, but I also want to see where things go with him, I just hate the uncertainty of dating someone new". I did emphasize I wasn't going to be her second choice or safety net. She just said she doesn't know and needs to think about it. I admit it felt like she was gravitating toward him. My brain says I should tell her maybe it's best to date the new guy and I'll move on (you know how girls chase what they can't have). My heart says she might go do it and forget all about me. Help! What's the best way to handle this?
organizedchaos Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 You need to go No Contact. Check link in my sig. Why are you having discussions with your ex about her dating other people???
Chi townD Posted October 7, 2013 Posted October 7, 2013 Two year relationship ended about 6 weeks ago, a few things weren't moving fast enough for her, but very fixable. She still called everyday like when we were together so I just assumed things would work out. Except last night she went on a first date from OkCupid, says she really likes him, ended up spending the night at his place (said no sex, he moves slow). She called tonight, we talked about fixing our relationship, in a nutshell she basically said "I don't know what to do, I would like things to work with us, but I also want to see where things go with him, I just hate the uncertainty of dating someone new". I did emphasize I wasn't going to be her second choice or safety net. She just said she doesn't know and needs to think about it. I admit it felt like she was gravitating toward him. My brain says I should tell her maybe it's best to date the new guy and I'll move on (you know how girls chase what they can't have). My heart says she might go do it and forget all about me. Help! What's the best way to handle this? Uh huh... she spends the night at his place, alone....after a date...she really likes him....no sex? Right. I have some ocean front property to sell you in the middle of the Mojave desert. Dude, she banged that dude. Like, she's REALLY gonna tell you that she had an incredible night of sex with someone right after getting out of a long term relationship with you? Knowing that if you knew the truth it would devastate you? Start NC dude. She's actively dating other people regardless of your feelings on the matter. Go No Contact. Ignore all calls and texts and block her on Facebook. Time to heal and move on. Time for you to meet some girl and take her out on a date. Time for you to bring her back to your place and not have sex with her. See how stupid that sounds? 1
Author cereal_dater Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Uh huh... she spends the night at his place, alone....after a date...she really likes him....no sex? Right. I have some ocean front property to sell you in the middle of the Mojave desert. Dude, she banged that dude. Like, she's REALLY gonna tell you that she had an incredible night of sex with someone right after getting out of a long term relationship with you? Knowing that if you knew the truth it would devastate you? Start NC dude. She's actively dating other people regardless of your feelings on the matter. Go No Contact. Ignore all calls and texts and block her on Facebook. Time to heal and move on. Time for you to meet some girl and take her out on a date. Time for you to bring her back to your place and not have sex with her. See how stupid that sounds? Agreed 100% - especially since I could have easily nailed her on our first date 2 years ago. Quick No Contact question. Should I give her a "heads up" and let her know I'll be moving on, or just dive straight in and ignore ignore ignore.
melell Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Dive straight in. Disappear. She will soon realize. Blessing in disguise, I wish I knew my ex was dating, or with someone else. It would make it much easier for me to move on. 1
organizedchaos Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Agreed 100% - especially since I could have easily nailed her on our first date 2 years ago. Quick No Contact question. Should I give her a "heads up" and let her know I'll be moving on, or just dive straight in and ignore ignore ignore. Just slip away like a ninja. She'll figure it out. 1
Chi townD Posted October 8, 2013 Posted October 8, 2013 Agreed 100% - especially since I could have easily nailed her on our first date 2 years ago. Quick No Contact question. Should I give her a "heads up" and let her know I'll be moving on, or just dive straight in and ignore ignore ignore. Why would you give her a heads up? You're not her boyfriend. You're not her lover, you basically have no title. Think of this relationship as a job. She fired you. She said your services of boyfriend is no longer required. Now, if you got laid off from a real job, do you call them on Monday to reaffirm that you're not coming in? Plus, you already stated you feel that she's leaning toward this other dude. So, you may not be missed anyway. So, time to heal and move on. Time to make positive changes in your life and go have adventures that you are now free to have! Dude, you'll get through this. Just take it a day at a time. 2
Author cereal_dater Posted October 8, 2013 Author Posted October 8, 2013 Why would you give her a heads up? You're not her boyfriend. You're not her lover, you basically have no title. Think of this relationship as a job. She fired you. She said your services of boyfriend is no longer required. Now, if you got laid off from a real job, do you call them on Monday to reaffirm that you're not coming in? Plus, you already stated you feel that she's leaning toward this other dude. So, you may not be missed anyway. So, time to heal and move on. Time to make positive changes in your life and go have adventures that you are now free to have! Dude, you'll get through this. Just take it a day at a time. Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone! The toughest part is that she's been open to fixing things, just tells me she needs to think, but it's that dangling hope that's killing me. Except she called last night upset after having a bad day, she's very emotional and temperamental, and when we came up she said "just go date other girls this can't be fixed it's too late". In our relationship anything she said when mad was easily disregarded, but I should probably take those words at face value. Will start NC, or very limited contact. I pulled away hard when we broke up in August and it was amazing how she broke down and couldn't wait to see me again after about 4-5 days. Should have remained aloof.
dating magic moments Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 sometimes we all just need to understand that commitment is difficult and we often run away and then wonder if we did the right thing. She is not sure, you either want her or dont, your actions will make up her mind and if you are foccussd on the negative move on, if you love her take a breath and see if you can communicate without issues or bringing up the past. 1
xUnknown Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone! The toughest part is that she's been open to fixing things, just tells me she needs to think, but it's that dangling hope that's killing me. Except she called last night upset after having a bad day, she's very emotional and temperamental, and when we came up she said "just go date other girls this can't be fixed it's too late". In our relationship anything she said when mad was easily disregarded, but I should probably take those words at face value. Will start NC, or very limited contact. I pulled away hard when we broke up in August and it was amazing how she broke down and couldn't wait to see me again after about 4-5 days. Should have remained aloof. How are things going for you? Did you work it out? Move on?
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